Sexual Frustration

WARNING: THIS IS A FAIRLY GRAPHIC POST. BY THE END OF READING IT YOU WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE A SEMI-INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY VAGINA. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. MOM, TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS.

That being said, my vagina is driving me mad. About 8 months ago Leland and I were having sex. In the living room. On the floor. It was fun.

Until it was all over and he pulled it out.

Rrrrrriiiiiipppppppp.

My vagina tore. Right at the bottom, between my vag and my butthole. This has never happened before. Leland and I have been having sex for 6 years and we never had a problem.

No big deal, I thought. I’ll call my doctor in the morning and she’ll tell me what to do. I’ll be all healed up in no time.

I called my doctor the next day and went in for an appointment. I was told women rip occasionally, usually after they haven’t had sex for a while or have sex for the first time with a new partner. When I explained that I have been having regular sex with the same partner for 6 years she said Well, I don’t know why this happened then. Awesome. When she asked if we were trying a new position, I told her no, we were having doggie-style sex on the living room floor. We have done this a countless amount of times and have never had a problem.

I was told apply Aquaphor, a skin ointment, several times a day and abstain from sex for 4 weeks. Double awesome. I did as the doctor ordered. Leland checked my situation every day and after about 2 weeks it was fully healed. However, since the doctor said to wait 4 weeks, we did.

Although it was frustrating to wait so long, we waited. We actually found it kind of humorous. We joked around that he was giving it to me too hard or that he needed pills to make his large penis smaller. He wore that fact the he ripped me around like a badge of honor. And for those 4 weeks we had fun finding other ways to pleasure each other. Four weeks off of sex wasn’t too bad because we were still having a physical relationship.

At the 4 week mark we had sex. Slow, careful, boring missionary sex. We were trying to be super careful so as not to tear my vag again. We were having fun, and it was feeling about as good as slow, careful, boring missionary sex can feel. AS SOON as Leland started to move a little faster, I ripped again. I started applying the Aquaphor right away and decided that since waiting 4 weeks before having sex again didn’t keep me from ripping, I would wait 6.

That’s right. We waited 6 weeks before having sex. During these 6 weeks we fought more than we ever have before. We were irritable, bitchy, and watched movies all the time. I was really tired of giving blowjobs.

Six weeks later, we tried again. We had the same result. I don’t think I have ever been more frustrated in my life.

I went back to the doctor. She said the scar tissue was probably just sensitive and wasn’t healing strong enough so she wrote me a prescription for some sort of cream that had estrogen in it. Apparently the estrogen was supposed to make me heal faster and stronger. The last thing I really needed was more estrogen, but I thought I would give it a try.

Time after time I continued to rip and time after time we continued to abstain from sex. Every time we got more and more frustrated. Every time we took more and more precautions. Nothing worked. It was no longer fun to look for other ways to keep things exciting. Oral on the kitchen counter was no longer fun because we had already done it so many times. We really just want to have good old-fashioned doggie-style sex again.

Since I am so sick of having almost no sex life, I told Leland that I was done worrying about it. I told him I would deal with the tear. It didn’t really hurt that much and I really needed to get laid on a more regular basis. He wouldn’t do it. Because he loves me he wants me to be able to enjoy sex and he doesn’t want to worry about hurting me while we are going at it. Makes sense.

So I went back to the doctor. This time we talked about vaginal dryness, condoms and lube. She suspected that the condoms were drying me out and causing me to tear with the slightest bit of friction. She said I needed to get wetter.

She prescribed the Nuva Ring as a form of birth control because it causes vaginal wetness and told me to use lube and stop using condoms. Okay, I thought, even though I HATE hormonal birth control, I am willing to give it a try in order to save my sex life. I was on the Nuva Ring for 2 ½ weeks. It did cause vaginal wetness. So much wetness, in fact, that I was soaking my panties on a daily basis. This was not fun. Still, I was willing to stick it out in order to save my sex life. After being on the Ring for 2 weeks, my doctor said it was safe to have sex. We did. I was super wet and we used lube. I still tore.

I took out the Ring. There is no sense in hormonally altering my body if it wasn’t doing anything for the tear.

I am waiting for a call from my doctor. I really need to get this fixed somehow. I’m not sure what else I am supposed to do. We have tried different positions. Doggie style hurts the worst and causes the biggest tear, which sucks because that was always my favorite. Girl on top hurts a little less but also causes a sizeable tear. Slow, careful, boring missionary hurts the least and causes the smallest tear. But we are both getting bored of slow, careful, boring missionary.

I still tear EVERY SINGLE time we have sex. Which isn’t very often anymore.