Friday, July 29, 2011

Summer Vacation

As I mentioned last week, Leland and I took a vacation to Savannah, GA at the beginning of summer. I was turning 30 and I wanted to celebrate my birthday somewhere other than here. It was easily the best vacation we have ever taken.

On my birthday we went to Tybee Beach and rode jet skis with dolphins. It was amazing how many dolphins were swimming right where we were jet skiing, there had to be at least 20. They were breathtaking to watch. That night Leland took me out to dinner and we both ate a ton of seafood.

We ate seafood every day we were there and it was all kinds of delicious.

Savannah stole our hearts. We fell in love immediately. Savannah is one of the prettiest places I have ever seen. We loved the history, the squares and the monuments. OF COURSE I went to the Juliette Gordon Low house. I loved seeing all of the Girl Scout troops that were visiting. I was happy to be surrounded by my people. Yes, that’s right. “My people” are 10 year old girls. I can’t help it. Though they don’t know it, we have a kinship.

We loved the bars, we loved the restaurants. We loved how easy it was to get around. We loved the proximity to the beach. We loved the southern hospitality.

Most of our time was spent at the beach. Yeah, we could have been seeing some really cool historic sights, but the beach was just so wonderful. Some days we read books at the beach, some days we just drank beer. But every day we went swimming. I love the water so being able to swim was such a treat for me. And since we spent so much time at the beach and drinking beers, I learned how to pee in the ocean. So now I am REALLY GOOD at doing that too.

*Is this too much pee talk for everyone?*

At nights we would get back to our hotel around 10 or so, and then we would stay up drinking wine and swimming in the hotel pool or boiling in the hot tub. Sometimes we would just sit outside and listen to the sound of the bugs chirping.

We never wanted to leave.

p.s. I was told by several of you, as well as my mother, that we needed to go to Paula Deen’s restaurant. We went. I cook better than that. It was very disappointing and I wouldn’t recommend it.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Being Great

You know how some people are really great at doing some things? For instance, Leland is really great at playing guitar. Charlie Sheen is great at winning. VC is really great at juggling. Don't know who VC is? Well, he is this really great kid who belongs to Carma. He is super talented and I am always in awe when I see one of his videos. Plus, I think he does backflips every day of his life. Watch the video, you won't regret it.

For years I have been trying to find something I am really great at doing and I have been coming up empty handed. Sure, I do a lot of things well. I’m good at baking and cooking. I do a beer bong better than most people. I can talk on the phone and do laundry at the same time. So I am not saying that I am without any talents.

I just wanted to be GREAT at doing one thing. I have been looking for one thing that I am better at than anyone else I know. Hell, I even want to be better at it than people I don’t know. It has been a long and arduous journey, but it has finally come to an end.

Last weekend while Leland and I were camping I realized that I am REALLY GREAT at…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Peeing outside.

Now, I understand that I will never be better than a man at peeing outside. Logistically it just isn’t possible. But I am very confident that there are very few women in this world who can pee outside as well as I can. I am a pro.

I don’t have pee dribbling down my legs.

I don’t have pee dribbling all over my pants.

I don’t even have to lean against something.

And I do it all without even pulling down my panties.

This wasn’t a God-given ability. I worked hard for this one. I keep telling you how many life lessons Girl Scouts has to offer and here is another. I learned to pee outside like a pro from all those years camping and doing outside activities. I also learned from playing in the woods with my sisters when we were little. Hell, I have even peed behind my own garage because my one bathroom was occupied. What I am saying is I have had years and years of practice. And now I can finally say I am REALLY GREAT at something.

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Return of the In-laws

Last week I hinted about Leland’s parents being back in the picture. Until a few weeks ago, we hadn’t spoken to them in 4 years. If you want a quick catch up on what went down, go here and here.

On June 30th Leland’s dad was in a motorcycle accident.

According to witnesses and the police report, Edward was swerving between traffic, squeezed between two cars that were stopped at a red light and then proceeded to go through the red light. In other words, the asshole had it coming. He was hit on his right side by one car and then another car hit him as he was knocked off his bike. He had to be airlifted to a hospital.

Edward fractured his skull, beat up his face, fractured his tailbone and shattered his right leg. The doctors think he will need more than a dozen surgeries to put his leg back together. When he was first admitted to the hospital doctors weren’t sure that he was even going to survive. So this is the second time he has come back from the dead. How many lives does this man have?

The night after the accident Leland and I were sitting on our deck, drinking beer and talking about his family. Leland’s initial reaction to hearing about the accident was….nondescript. He didn’t seem to care that much. But after talking for a while, we decided that we would take the 3 hour drive and visit his dad in the hospital. At this point, it was still very possible that this would be the last chance for Leland to see his father alive. Leland wanted to see him to have some sort of closure. On the fourth of July, we went.

I don’t even know how to explain how we felt about this situation….

We drove to his parents’ house first to pick up his mother and take her with us to the hospital. She cried and hugged us both. I tried not to roll my eyes when she was being all sad. And it took A LOT for me to hug her back. Leland and his mom made small talk on the way to the hospital as I sat in the back seat trying not to be annoyed by the situation.

It was a very surreal day. Seeing Edward made Leland angry. He has been dealing with all of these negative feelings for so long and I think seeing his dad again made them even more real. Though Edward was still in an induced coma, he was very mildly responsive. At this point, 5 days after the accident, he was in the clear and is expected to make a full recovery. Leland was able to say what he has been waiting 4 years to say, but we know Edward doesn’t remember anything. Leland still thinks he is a bastard and still doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.

On the way back to his parents’ house from the hospital Leland and his mom finally talked about the real issues. They fought, they got mad, they somehow made some progress. She apologized to both of us. She hugged both of us again. And then we went home. They have talked once since the 4th, and I am sure there will be more phone calls.

However, this is not a reconciliation. Fuck that. At this point I don’t even know if that is possible. Leland is in no hurry to patch things up with his family. And neither am I.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Coming out of Retirement

I have really been enjoying my summer. We started it out by taking the best vacation ever to Savannah, GA, and we have kept the fun going all summer long. We have been having so much fun and all responsibilities have been pushed to the side.

Ok, not all responsibilities. As much as we wanted to, it has been nearly impossible to escape reality for very long this summer. With work issues, and *gasp* Leland’s parents creeping back into the picture, there really isn’t much we can do except pour another beer.

Yes, we go to work like we have to, but the laundry? It has been sitting in baskets all over my house for weeks. I manage to get the laundry clean, but only after we are all out of underwear, and it never makes it in the closet or drawers where clean laundry belongs. My dining room is a mess. I have an entire summers worth of mail piled up on the dining room table. I have coupons scattered everywhere because although I find the time to clip them, I just cannot break myself away from the daiquiris long enough to organize them. And we haven’t weeded our yard, flowerboxes or driveway all summer. Yes, I said driveway. It needs to be seal coated so badly be we haven’t done that either. My house is so unkempt that it is starting to look like a foreclosure property.

But my neighbors aren’t complaining yet so I don’t care. I am just going to continue having fun, because the work will still be waiting there for me when I am done. And now that I am blogging again, I have no idea when any chores will be completed. And that’s ok with me. I have a neat freak husband who will do it all when he gets overwhelmed. I just need to wait long enough for that to happen.