Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sexual Frustration


That being said, my vagina is driving me mad. About 8 months ago Leland and I were having sex. In the living room. On the floor. It was fun.

Until it was all over and he pulled it out.


My vagina tore. Right at the bottom, between my vag and my butthole. This has never happened before. Leland and I have been having sex for 6 years and we never had a problem.

No big deal, I thought. I’ll call my doctor in the morning and she’ll tell me what to do. I’ll be all healed up in no time.

I called my doctor the next day and went in for an appointment. I was told women rip occasionally, usually after they haven’t had sex for a while or have sex for the first time with a new partner. When I explained that I have been having regular sex with the same partner for 6 years she said Well, I don’t know why this happened then. Awesome. When she asked if we were trying a new position, I told her no, we were having doggie-style sex on the living room floor. We have done this a countless amount of times and have never had a problem.

I was told apply Aquaphor, a skin ointment, several times a day and abstain from sex for 4 weeks. Double awesome. I did as the doctor ordered. Leland checked my situation every day and after about 2 weeks it was fully healed. However, since the doctor said to wait 4 weeks, we did.

Although it was frustrating to wait so long, we waited. We actually found it kind of humorous. We joked around that he was giving it to me too hard or that he needed pills to make his large penis smaller. He wore that fact the he ripped me around like a badge of honor. And for those 4 weeks we had fun finding other ways to pleasure each other. Four weeks off of sex wasn’t too bad because we were still having a physical relationship.

At the 4 week mark we had sex. Slow, careful, boring missionary sex. We were trying to be super careful so as not to tear my vag again. We were having fun, and it was feeling about as good as slow, careful, boring missionary sex can feel. AS SOON as Leland started to move a little faster, I ripped again. I started applying the Aquaphor right away and decided that since waiting 4 weeks before having sex again didn’t keep me from ripping, I would wait 6.

That’s right. We waited 6 weeks before having sex. During these 6 weeks we fought more than we ever have before. We were irritable, bitchy, and watched movies all the time. I was really tired of giving blowjobs.

Six weeks later, we tried again. We had the same result. I don’t think I have ever been more frustrated in my life.

I went back to the doctor. She said the scar tissue was probably just sensitive and wasn’t healing strong enough so she wrote me a prescription for some sort of cream that had estrogen in it. Apparently the estrogen was supposed to make me heal faster and stronger. The last thing I really needed was more estrogen, but I thought I would give it a try.

Time after time I continued to rip and time after time we continued to abstain from sex. Every time we got more and more frustrated. Every time we took more and more precautions. Nothing worked. It was no longer fun to look for other ways to keep things exciting. Oral on the kitchen counter was no longer fun because we had already done it so many times. We really just want to have good old-fashioned doggie-style sex again.

Since I am so sick of having almost no sex life, I told Leland that I was done worrying about it. I told him I would deal with the tear. It didn’t really hurt that much and I really needed to get laid on a more regular basis. He wouldn’t do it. Because he loves me he wants me to be able to enjoy sex and he doesn’t want to worry about hurting me while we are going at it. Makes sense.

So I went back to the doctor. This time we talked about vaginal dryness, condoms and lube. She suspected that the condoms were drying me out and causing me to tear with the slightest bit of friction. She said I needed to get wetter.

She prescribed the Nuva Ring as a form of birth control because it causes vaginal wetness and told me to use lube and stop using condoms. Okay, I thought, even though I HATE hormonal birth control, I am willing to give it a try in order to save my sex life. I was on the Nuva Ring for 2 ½ weeks. It did cause vaginal wetness. So much wetness, in fact, that I was soaking my panties on a daily basis. This was not fun. Still, I was willing to stick it out in order to save my sex life. After being on the Ring for 2 weeks, my doctor said it was safe to have sex. We did. I was super wet and we used lube. I still tore.

I took out the Ring. There is no sense in hormonally altering my body if it wasn’t doing anything for the tear.

I am waiting for a call from my doctor. I really need to get this fixed somehow. I’m not sure what else I am supposed to do. We have tried different positions. Doggie style hurts the worst and causes the biggest tear, which sucks because that was always my favorite. Girl on top hurts a little less but also causes a sizeable tear. Slow, careful, boring missionary hurts the least and causes the smallest tear. But we are both getting bored of slow, careful, boring missionary.

I still tear EVERY SINGLE time we have sex. Which isn’t very often anymore.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I feel so bad for you! I can only imagine the pain and annoyance that this is causing. Maybe you should see a different a doctor and see if they tell you anything different! Good luck!

Carma Sez said...

hmmmmmmm...thinking of what to say....

Sorry about the situation. Sounds like once you get things up and running again you will be having a rollicking good time again though!

Anonymous said...

wow! you poor thing! That is frustrating. I hope that you can find some relief and some answers soon.

Anonymous said...

wow i feel horrible! I can't even imagine being in your position right now!! I hope everything works out soon!! I agree with LuLu, getting another doctor to take a look might help!

David Kames said...

I had to cross my legs at least twice reading that - I remember how much it hurt having a cut-that-wouldn't-heal on my bottom lip!
Good luck and get well soon...

Vodka Logic said...

How awful for you and your husband. I say a second opinion. Maybe another doctor would have a new suggestion.

I'll send you some porn perhaps??? Toys??

Good luck

Cathy said...

ow. ow. ow. ow. ow. sucks. ow. ow. get better. ow. ow.

on another note...the area on a man between the balls and b-hole is called a taint...does it have a name on the female body? Is it also called a taint?

Hit 40 said...

I have heard of woman ripping from two holes to just one after child birth. But...

I never heard of ripping from sex?? I guess that I do not get around much. I looked it up to try to find you some better googled answers. Is there anyway to skip the condoms? Are you both done with the kid idea? If so, can one of you get fixed? Maybe, try sex during the end of your period without a condom. The old rhythm method. Just try it once!!! And be super careful... maybe even a pull out at the end to be extra careful??? It would be nice to know if losing the condom would fix the problem or not.

Also a website suggested that you start the sex with some smaller toys or fingers to work up to the actual penis to stretch things out a little first.

Good luck!! This is a bummer!!!

Stephanie Faris said...

Oh my gosh. I'd never heard of this before. I had no idea it could even happen. Definitely another doctor. I wonder if there's something they could do surgically to reinforce it somehow?

Beth Dunn said...

I am really sorry to hear this. There is nothing worse that an situation that a doctor seems unable to fix. I hope you figure it all out! xoxo

Intense Guy said...

I don't know what to say other than hope you heal and get all well soon.

Some information that might help

yellowdoggranny said...

i haven't had sex in 24 years..does that help?

i am the diva said...

wow. this is my first time here, and i feel like we are now super bestest friends!

i have never ever heard of anyone tearing when it wasn't Labour related...

I seriously hope you're able to figure it out... just the thought of no sex makes me feel very sad...

and now i must follow thee.

Anonymous said...


I almost got turned off by the first few lines...me and vaginas don't really mix, then as i continued to read I was just utterly fascinated, the idea of it is kinda hot- way to go Leland!, but having read the end I feel bad. I'm so sorry. I hope your vagina heals soon so you can enjoy a good romp without that pain or worry, but if not there are other ways to get off.

Sending you good vibes. I'm going to tweet and facebook about this post if that's ok.


Anonymous said...

You might want to try Chinese Medicine. Check out www.acufinder.com to find someone near you. I specialize in women's health and vaginal dryness is a serious, and prevalent, problem. Find someone who primarily does women's health. Good luck!

Mandy said...

Oh gosh girl, how awful! I didn't even tear when I had my 7.2 pound daughter come through my vagina so I honestly can't imagine what you are going through! And you're so young and vibrant! Definitely seek a second opinion. Maybe there are some sex/vaginal help websites out there with some useful tips. I will say that I've been on birth control for ten years now and have had no problems. I use old school stuff though, Desogen (or Apri, the generic). I've never had issues. I honestly think all this NEW stuff out there causes worse side effects than the stuff that was made in the 1960's and 70's. Mine is very low estrogen. Hugs to you (and poor, sweet Leland too). I hope you get this figured out real soon!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Wow. I mean WOW!

I'm so sorry for you and agree with others, get a 2nd opinion and try smaller items/toys first.

I hope it heals soon.

S3XinthePantry said...

I hope you find a solution! Maybe a doctor who is more of a specialist can help!!

Penny said...

How horrible for you! Yes, yes, many second opinions! (I guess that's more than seconds then...details shmetails.)

I'm curious to know if your mom said, "Oh, now I am DEFINITELY reading this." (Mine would.)

Cougar Tales said...

OMG...This sounds brutal! Hang in there girl!
- Cougs

Anonymous said...

That is a sad situation, not too uncommon, though I never had it happen. One of my girlfriends has been torn by her guy a few times.

The just have to learn to be gentle, more oral or other fun things. Hey, I'm following you now, it's an interesting blog you have.

Thanks, Secretia (Secret Story Time)