First of all, it has been so long since I have logged into my account that I don't even know how to use blogger anymore. What happened to the list of blogs I read and follow? Somebody help me.
Second, I have moved from Chicago to Nashville. We moved about two months ago. As to be expected, the move was stressful. Leland started working in September so he commuted during the week while I was home packing up the house. It was not a fun month. Naturally, being the neurotic person I am, there were a lot of highs and lows. It was hard for me to be away from Leland during the weeks, it was hard for me to pack the house by myself, it was hard to say goodbye to my family. Tears were everywhere. But then I had times when I was so excited, there were times I loved packing my house and throwing things away. There were times I couldn't wait to get out of town. I was a hot mess.
I lived in Woodstock my whole life. It was home in every possible way. I love that town. But moving on was just something I needed to do. It was something we needed to do. So we left on October 11th. I didn't cry.
Now I live in the south. It is so weird. People ask me how I like it and I think the only honest response I can give them is it's too soon to tell. But so far I love the weather (though I haven't been through a summer yet) and I love my house. And Nashville seems like a cool city. But that's all I know right now. Leland is happy with his job and I am unemployed.
I love being unemployed.
But I really need to figure out what to do with my time. Should I work on my stand-up comedy even though there really isn't much of a comedy scene in Nashville? Should I work on my writing? Should I start knitting? I'm a bit lost here. Even this post is choppy and distracted and I don't know what to do with it to make it flow. I am still trying to figure out life in a new town and I am still trying to figure out what I want my new life to look like.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Yankee Bitch to Southern Belle?
I started this blog 5 years ago (I think, I just don't want to look through my archives to confirm) because Leland and I were planning on moving to Austin, TX. Well Austin never panned out and I kept the blog going anyway, writing various nonsense about anything from private emotional issues I was having to the crazy sexcapades I was having with Leland. And then I stopped blogging because my life was becoming pretty damn perfect, which in my case equaled boring.
Which brings me to this morning and this post.
I am sitting in an office that is decorated in Ole Miss swag in Nashville, TN. Leland is on a pseudo interview. I say 'pseudo' because it's really not much of an interview at all. Leland has done some work for this company in the past year and now they want to bring him on full time, which would lead to one hell of an adventure for me: moving out of my beloved city of Chicago and on to Nashville, TN.
I've been here for exactly 51 minutes and I am already experiencing culture shock. I think it is fair to say that my life will be far from boring for the next few months as we will be moving to a new state and getting settled in. I will have to find a new job (which I could not be more excited about as I loathe the job I have now), find a new favorite restaurant, find my way around town, make new friends, find new doctors, etc.
Welcome back to my crazy life!
Which brings me to this morning and this post.
I am sitting in an office that is decorated in Ole Miss swag in Nashville, TN. Leland is on a pseudo interview. I say 'pseudo' because it's really not much of an interview at all. Leland has done some work for this company in the past year and now they want to bring him on full time, which would lead to one hell of an adventure for me: moving out of my beloved city of Chicago and on to Nashville, TN.
I've been here for exactly 51 minutes and I am already experiencing culture shock. I think it is fair to say that my life will be far from boring for the next few months as we will be moving to a new state and getting settled in. I will have to find a new job (which I could not be more excited about as I loathe the job I have now), find a new favorite restaurant, find my way around town, make new friends, find new doctors, etc.
Welcome back to my crazy life!
Friday, March 9, 2012
So far....
.... It has been a hell of a year.
I'm back in school which sucks. I'm glad I'm doing it but it's hard to adjust. The whole not having free time thing is killing me. Leland has picked up all of the slack though, making things much easier. But it's hard and I'm frustrated.
The winter weather is really getting to me, even though we haven't had a bad winter at all. I'm not myself and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
I'm on weight watchers and I love it. I have lost 14 pounds so far and instead of being happy about my success I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Why do I do that?
But enough about me, how are all of you?
I'm back in school which sucks. I'm glad I'm doing it but it's hard to adjust. The whole not having free time thing is killing me. Leland has picked up all of the slack though, making things much easier. But it's hard and I'm frustrated.
The winter weather is really getting to me, even though we haven't had a bad winter at all. I'm not myself and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
I'm on weight watchers and I love it. I have lost 14 pounds so far and instead of being happy about my success I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. Why do I do that?
But enough about me, how are all of you?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Well Hello!
You know, I never intend to take these breaks, they just
sort of seem to happen.
It has been a long time.
And really, I have no excuses and no lame reasons for being gone. Life has been rather simple and boring
lately. But I am going to try this again.
Right now.
When the timing is oh so bad.
You see, in two weeks I will be starting school again and my
life will actually be busy. I should
have been blogging when everything was quiet and easy, but apparently that just
isn’t how I do things. I actually like
chaos. I thrive in chaos. So maybe having too much stuff to do will
actually be better for me. Maybe, just
maybe, I will start to get more things done.
I have a Bachelor’s degree in English, and as you probably
suspect, that degree hasn’t really been doing much for me lately. Or ever.
I am thirty years old and I am still working at what was supposed to
just be a college job. For the past TEN
YEARS, I have been making myself feel better about staying at a job I loathe by
saying things like “Oh, but it’s only 15 minutes from home and it’s so
convenient.” Or sometimes I’ll tell
myself that the four weeks of vacation I get make up for being miserable the
other 48 weeks of the year. But my all
time favorite excuse is that I can leave work at work, so in the evenings and
on the weekends I have all the time in the world to pursue things that actually
interest me. But no, I have not been
using my time wisely.
I have been thinking about nursing for quite some time. I actually thought about it before I decided
to get my ever so helpful degree in English.
I don’t know why I never followed through. But in October I had a breakthrough.
I sell bolts and nuts for a living. Yes, it is as glamorous as it sounds.
Every year my two bosses go to the fastener convention in
Vegas. When they came back, the boss I
like had all sorts of stories to tell me.
But the story that pushed me over the edge was this one:
The boss I like came in the office, all geared up and exited
after the convention. He had some
paperwork for me that he picked up in Vegas.
Apparently there is a new organization forming for women in the fastener
industry and he wanted me to join and be a part of it. And then he went on to tell me that when they
were talking to the person about me joining the women in the fastener industry
organization, the boss I do not like said, “why would you want Aly to be part
of it? All she does is answer the phones.”
There are two problems with that story. The first one is glaringly obvious. I DO WAY MORE THINGS THAN JUST ANSWER THE
PHONES! Really? Is that what he thinks about me? After ten years of working my ass off he
actually thinks all I do is answer the phones?
Why the hell would he pay me so much if all I do is answer the
phones? The boss I do like often jokes
that my job title should be Saves the Day.
Because that is what I actually do.
Every day I put out fires and step up and finish jobs that other people
should be doing but don’t because they all suck and no one gets fired in my company.
So yeah, I was more than pissed off to hear that my boss
thinks to little of me. But then upon
reflection, it made me happy to hear because it is just what I needed. I hate my job and the very last thing I want
to do is join an organization for women in the fastener industry. I want to get out of the fastener industry,
not get more involved. So the following
weekend I went to the local community college and signed up for classes.
I have eleven pre-req’s I need to take before I can apply for
the nursing program. It sucks, but I am
going to do it. If I work my ass off I
can have them all finished in a year and a half. This means I will only be working at a job I
hate for another year and a half. After
I get accepted to the nursing program I plan on quitting my job and going to
school full time. I can’t wait. I have never been excited to start school
before.
sort of seem to happen.
It has been a long time.
And really, I have no excuses and no lame reasons for being gone. Life has been rather simple and boring
lately. But I am going to try this again.
Right now.
When the timing is oh so bad.
You see, in two weeks I will be starting school again and my
life will actually be busy. I should
have been blogging when everything was quiet and easy, but apparently that just
isn’t how I do things. I actually like
chaos. I thrive in chaos. So maybe having too much stuff to do will
actually be better for me. Maybe, just
maybe, I will start to get more things done.
I have a Bachelor’s degree in English, and as you probably
suspect, that degree hasn’t really been doing much for me lately. Or ever.
I am thirty years old and I am still working at what was supposed to
just be a college job. For the past TEN
YEARS, I have been making myself feel better about staying at a job I loathe by
saying things like “Oh, but it’s only 15 minutes from home and it’s so
convenient.” Or sometimes I’ll tell
myself that the four weeks of vacation I get make up for being miserable the
other 48 weeks of the year. But my all
time favorite excuse is that I can leave work at work, so in the evenings and
on the weekends I have all the time in the world to pursue things that actually
interest me. But no, I have not been
using my time wisely.
I have been thinking about nursing for quite some time. I actually thought about it before I decided
to get my ever so helpful degree in English.
I don’t know why I never followed through. But in October I had a breakthrough.
I sell bolts and nuts for a living. Yes, it is as glamorous as it sounds.
Every year my two bosses go to the fastener convention in
Vegas. When they came back, the boss I
like had all sorts of stories to tell me.
But the story that pushed me over the edge was this one:
The boss I like came in the office, all geared up and exited
after the convention. He had some
paperwork for me that he picked up in Vegas.
Apparently there is a new organization forming for women in the fastener
industry and he wanted me to join and be a part of it. And then he went on to tell me that when they
were talking to the person about me joining the women in the fastener industry
organization, the boss I do not like said, “why would you want Aly to be part
of it? All she does is answer the phones.”
There are two problems with that story. The first one is glaringly obvious. I DO WAY MORE THINGS THAN JUST ANSWER THE
PHONES! Really? Is that what he thinks about me? After ten years of working my ass off he
actually thinks all I do is answer the phones?
Why the hell would he pay me so much if all I do is answer the
phones? The boss I do like often jokes
that my job title should be Saves the Day.
Because that is what I actually do.
Every day I put out fires and step up and finish jobs that other people
should be doing but don’t because they all suck and no one gets fired in my company.
So yeah, I was more than pissed off to hear that my boss
thinks to little of me. But then upon
reflection, it made me happy to hear because it is just what I needed. I hate my job and the very last thing I want
to do is join an organization for women in the fastener industry. I want to get out of the fastener industry,
not get more involved. So the following
weekend I went to the local community college and signed up for classes.
I have eleven pre-req’s I need to take before I can apply for
the nursing program. It sucks, but I am
going to do it. If I work my ass off I
can have them all finished in a year and a half. This means I will only be working at a job I
hate for another year and a half. After
I get accepted to the nursing program I plan on quitting my job and going to
school full time. I can’t wait. I have never been excited to start school
before.
Friday, September 9, 2011
The 10 Year Anniversary
The 9/11 anniversary is on Sunday. Every time I turn on the computer I am jarred by all of the photos. When I turn on the radio I cry when I hear the stories. I know the press is probably just trying to honor those who died and possibly bring some comfort to those who lost loved ones that day. I know it is a devastating day in our history.
I just can’t handle it. I am a very sensitive person and seeing the photos and reading the stories make me cry. Big, fat, elephant sized tears. Like every other human being in this country, and most human beings on this earth, I will never forget what happened that day. Seeing it all over again isn’t reminding me of anything. How can you be reminded when you never forgot?
It just makes me incredibly sad. My heart breaks all over again. And the thing is, I can’t NOT read the stories or look at the pictures. Though I try to pass over the article I see about 9/11 online, I just can’t do it. For some reason I put myself through the pain all over again. Maybe I do it because I know there are people who still suffer with real pain from that day. And really, being sad for a few days every year about it is nothing compared to what some people went through and are still going through.
But I just can’t handle it. Unlike millions of people, I will not be turning on my TV to watch coverage. I will not read articles online, I will not listen to radio programs. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it surely doesn’t mean I am not affected. It just means my heart can’t take the pain anymore.
I just can’t handle it. I am a very sensitive person and seeing the photos and reading the stories make me cry. Big, fat, elephant sized tears. Like every other human being in this country, and most human beings on this earth, I will never forget what happened that day. Seeing it all over again isn’t reminding me of anything. How can you be reminded when you never forgot?
It just makes me incredibly sad. My heart breaks all over again. And the thing is, I can’t NOT read the stories or look at the pictures. Though I try to pass over the article I see about 9/11 online, I just can’t do it. For some reason I put myself through the pain all over again. Maybe I do it because I know there are people who still suffer with real pain from that day. And really, being sad for a few days every year about it is nothing compared to what some people went through and are still going through.
But I just can’t handle it. Unlike millions of people, I will not be turning on my TV to watch coverage. I will not read articles online, I will not listen to radio programs. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, it surely doesn’t mean I am not affected. It just means my heart can’t take the pain anymore.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Show me your DORK!
No matter how cool we all may think we are on the outside, deep down a dork lives in all of us. True story.
Two weeks ago I admitted to watching High School Musical.
And High School Musical 2.
And last week I watched High School Musical: Senior Year.
And enjoyed all three of them.
I definitely think this qualifies me as a dork. Leland thinks so as well.
But I know I am not the only dork out there. Leland is pretty cool because he plays guitar in a heavy metal band….but then once you find out that he LOVES spreadsheets you realize he is just a big dork. Yes, that’s right. He loves spreadsheets. I don’t get it either. My BFF Danny is tall, dark and handsome and also a metal musician….but he is addicted to video games and often prefers sitting in front of the TV playing games to human interaction. Yes, he too is a dork.
A dork lives in all of us. Most of the time we don’t want to admit these things about ourselves. Sometimes we try and sugarcoat them. Just recently I called the stupid, teenage, girly movies I like my guilty pleasure. But really, I am a 30 year old woman. My guilty pleasure should be a glass (or bottle) of wine after work. Maybe it should be watching Cowboys and Aliens over and over again drooling over Daniel Craig. Watching stupid, teenage, girly movies is NOT a guilty pleasure. Watching those movies just proves that I am a big, fat dork.
So tell me, what makes you a dork??? I know I am not alone....
Two weeks ago I admitted to watching High School Musical.
And High School Musical 2.
And last week I watched High School Musical: Senior Year.
And enjoyed all three of them.
I definitely think this qualifies me as a dork. Leland thinks so as well.
But I know I am not the only dork out there. Leland is pretty cool because he plays guitar in a heavy metal band….but then once you find out that he LOVES spreadsheets you realize he is just a big dork. Yes, that’s right. He loves spreadsheets. I don’t get it either. My BFF Danny is tall, dark and handsome and also a metal musician….but he is addicted to video games and often prefers sitting in front of the TV playing games to human interaction. Yes, he too is a dork.
A dork lives in all of us. Most of the time we don’t want to admit these things about ourselves. Sometimes we try and sugarcoat them. Just recently I called the stupid, teenage, girly movies I like my guilty pleasure. But really, I am a 30 year old woman. My guilty pleasure should be a glass (or bottle) of wine after work. Maybe it should be watching Cowboys and Aliens over and over again drooling over Daniel Craig. Watching stupid, teenage, girly movies is NOT a guilty pleasure. Watching those movies just proves that I am a big, fat dork.
So tell me, what makes you a dork??? I know I am not alone....
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Weekend Getaway
I got home from my annual camping trip to Buckhorn State Park in Wisconsin on Sunday night. I am still so tired.
Every year Leland and I talk our friends into spending 4 days with us camping on Castle Rock Lake. We eat, drink A LOT of beer, and swim pretty much all afternoon. Though I am back at work, I am still recovering from the weekend. I usually sleep so well whenever I sleep outside, but not this weekend.
(That's one of our campsites. I love how they are right on the lake!)
I AM SO TIRED!
Plus, I think I am still bloated from all that beer.
Though I didn’t drink nearly as much as I have in the past, my age is making it harder and harder to party and rally. Unlike past years I have been camping, I managed to keep my clothes on all weekend. And I didn’t get drunk so I didn’t spend an entire day hungover. It was just a long weekend of relaxing, swimming, taking naps in the sun and doing beer bongs. Yes, I may be getting older but still don’t think I am too old for beer bongs yet.
Leland went to a concert with Danny yesterday, so when I got home from work yesterday afternoon I was all by myself. Want to know what I did with my time?
I watched High School Musical.
Yep. True story.
And when I was done with it I watched High School Musical 2. I would have kept going and watched the 3rd one, but it isn’t streaming on Netflix.
Yes, I enjoyed them. I am a dork and I don’t care who knows!
Anyway. I’m back home and back to work and all I really want to do is go back to the lake. Is that too much to ask?
Every year Leland and I talk our friends into spending 4 days with us camping on Castle Rock Lake. We eat, drink A LOT of beer, and swim pretty much all afternoon. Though I am back at work, I am still recovering from the weekend. I usually sleep so well whenever I sleep outside, but not this weekend.
(That's one of our campsites. I love how they are right on the lake!)
I AM SO TIRED!
Plus, I think I am still bloated from all that beer.
Though I didn’t drink nearly as much as I have in the past, my age is making it harder and harder to party and rally. Unlike past years I have been camping, I managed to keep my clothes on all weekend. And I didn’t get drunk so I didn’t spend an entire day hungover. It was just a long weekend of relaxing, swimming, taking naps in the sun and doing beer bongs. Yes, I may be getting older but still don’t think I am too old for beer bongs yet.
Leland went to a concert with Danny yesterday, so when I got home from work yesterday afternoon I was all by myself. Want to know what I did with my time?
I watched High School Musical.
Yep. True story.
And when I was done with it I watched High School Musical 2. I would have kept going and watched the 3rd one, but it isn’t streaming on Netflix.
Yes, I enjoyed them. I am a dork and I don’t care who knows!
Anyway. I’m back home and back to work and all I really want to do is go back to the lake. Is that too much to ask?
Friday, July 29, 2011
Summer Vacation
As I mentioned last week, Leland and I took a vacation to Savannah, GA at the beginning of summer. I was turning 30 and I wanted to celebrate my birthday somewhere other than here. It was easily the best vacation we have ever taken.
On my birthday we went to Tybee Beach and rode jet skis with dolphins. It was amazing how many dolphins were swimming right where we were jet skiing, there had to be at least 20. They were breathtaking to watch. That night Leland took me out to dinner and we both ate a ton of seafood.
We ate seafood every day we were there and it was all kinds of delicious.
Savannah stole our hearts. We fell in love immediately. Savannah is one of the prettiest places I have ever seen. We loved the history, the squares and the monuments. OF COURSE I went to the Juliette Gordon Low house. I loved seeing all of the Girl Scout troops that were visiting. I was happy to be surrounded by my people. Yes, that’s right. “My people” are 10 year old girls. I can’t help it. Though they don’t know it, we have a kinship.
We loved the bars, we loved the restaurants. We loved how easy it was to get around. We loved the proximity to the beach. We loved the southern hospitality.
Most of our time was spent at the beach. Yeah, we could have been seeing some really cool historic sights, but the beach was just so wonderful. Some days we read books at the beach, some days we just drank beer. But every day we went swimming. I love the water so being able to swim was such a treat for me. And since we spent so much time at the beach and drinking beers, I learned how to pee in the ocean. So now I am REALLY GOOD at doing that too.
*Is this too much pee talk for everyone?*
At nights we would get back to our hotel around 10 or so, and then we would stay up drinking wine and swimming in the hotel pool or boiling in the hot tub. Sometimes we would just sit outside and listen to the sound of the bugs chirping.
We never wanted to leave.
p.s. I was told by several of you, as well as my mother, that we needed to go to Paula Deen’s restaurant. We went. I cook better than that. It was very disappointing and I wouldn’t recommend it.
On my birthday we went to Tybee Beach and rode jet skis with dolphins. It was amazing how many dolphins were swimming right where we were jet skiing, there had to be at least 20. They were breathtaking to watch. That night Leland took me out to dinner and we both ate a ton of seafood.
We ate seafood every day we were there and it was all kinds of delicious.
Savannah stole our hearts. We fell in love immediately. Savannah is one of the prettiest places I have ever seen. We loved the history, the squares and the monuments. OF COURSE I went to the Juliette Gordon Low house. I loved seeing all of the Girl Scout troops that were visiting. I was happy to be surrounded by my people. Yes, that’s right. “My people” are 10 year old girls. I can’t help it. Though they don’t know it, we have a kinship.
We loved the bars, we loved the restaurants. We loved how easy it was to get around. We loved the proximity to the beach. We loved the southern hospitality.
Most of our time was spent at the beach. Yeah, we could have been seeing some really cool historic sights, but the beach was just so wonderful. Some days we read books at the beach, some days we just drank beer. But every day we went swimming. I love the water so being able to swim was such a treat for me. And since we spent so much time at the beach and drinking beers, I learned how to pee in the ocean. So now I am REALLY GOOD at doing that too.
*Is this too much pee talk for everyone?*
At nights we would get back to our hotel around 10 or so, and then we would stay up drinking wine and swimming in the hotel pool or boiling in the hot tub. Sometimes we would just sit outside and listen to the sound of the bugs chirping.
We never wanted to leave.
p.s. I was told by several of you, as well as my mother, that we needed to go to Paula Deen’s restaurant. We went. I cook better than that. It was very disappointing and I wouldn’t recommend it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Being Great
You know how some people are really great at doing some things? For instance, Leland is really great at playing guitar. Charlie Sheen is great at winning. VC is really great at juggling. Don't know who VC is? Well, he is this really great kid who belongs to Carma. He is super talented and I am always in awe when I see one of his videos. Plus, I think he does backflips every day of his life. Watch the video, you won't regret it.
For years I have been trying to find something I am really great at doing and I have been coming up empty handed. Sure, I do a lot of things well. I’m good at baking and cooking. I do a beer bong better than most people. I can talk on the phone and do laundry at the same time. So I am not saying that I am without any talents.
I just wanted to be GREAT at doing one thing. I have been looking for one thing that I am better at than anyone else I know. Hell, I even want to be better at it than people I don’t know. It has been a long and arduous journey, but it has finally come to an end.
Last weekend while Leland and I were camping I realized that I am REALLY GREAT at…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Peeing outside.
Now, I understand that I will never be better than a man at peeing outside. Logistically it just isn’t possible. But I am very confident that there are very few women in this world who can pee outside as well as I can. I am a pro.
I don’t have pee dribbling down my legs.
I don’t have pee dribbling all over my pants.
I don’t even have to lean against something.
And I do it all without even pulling down my panties.
This wasn’t a God-given ability. I worked hard for this one. I keep telling you how many life lessons Girl Scouts has to offer and here is another. I learned to pee outside like a pro from all those years camping and doing outside activities. I also learned from playing in the woods with my sisters when we were little. Hell, I have even peed behind my own garage because my one bathroom was occupied. What I am saying is I have had years and years of practice. And now I can finally say I am REALLY GREAT at something.
For years I have been trying to find something I am really great at doing and I have been coming up empty handed. Sure, I do a lot of things well. I’m good at baking and cooking. I do a beer bong better than most people. I can talk on the phone and do laundry at the same time. So I am not saying that I am without any talents.
I just wanted to be GREAT at doing one thing. I have been looking for one thing that I am better at than anyone else I know. Hell, I even want to be better at it than people I don’t know. It has been a long and arduous journey, but it has finally come to an end.
Last weekend while Leland and I were camping I realized that I am REALLY GREAT at…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Peeing outside.
Now, I understand that I will never be better than a man at peeing outside. Logistically it just isn’t possible. But I am very confident that there are very few women in this world who can pee outside as well as I can. I am a pro.
I don’t have pee dribbling down my legs.
I don’t have pee dribbling all over my pants.
I don’t even have to lean against something.
And I do it all without even pulling down my panties.
This wasn’t a God-given ability. I worked hard for this one. I keep telling you how many life lessons Girl Scouts has to offer and here is another. I learned to pee outside like a pro from all those years camping and doing outside activities. I also learned from playing in the woods with my sisters when we were little. Hell, I have even peed behind my own garage because my one bathroom was occupied. What I am saying is I have had years and years of practice. And now I can finally say I am REALLY GREAT at something.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Return of the In-laws
Last week I hinted about Leland’s parents being back in the picture. Until a few weeks ago, we hadn’t spoken to them in 4 years. If you want a quick catch up on what went down, go here and here.
On June 30th Leland’s dad was in a motorcycle accident.
According to witnesses and the police report, Edward was swerving between traffic, squeezed between two cars that were stopped at a red light and then proceeded to go through the red light. In other words, the asshole had it coming. He was hit on his right side by one car and then another car hit him as he was knocked off his bike. He had to be airlifted to a hospital.
Edward fractured his skull, beat up his face, fractured his tailbone and shattered his right leg. The doctors think he will need more than a dozen surgeries to put his leg back together. When he was first admitted to the hospital doctors weren’t sure that he was even going to survive. So this is the second time he has come back from the dead. How many lives does this man have?
The night after the accident Leland and I were sitting on our deck, drinking beer and talking about his family. Leland’s initial reaction to hearing about the accident was….nondescript. He didn’t seem to care that much. But after talking for a while, we decided that we would take the 3 hour drive and visit his dad in the hospital. At this point, it was still very possible that this would be the last chance for Leland to see his father alive. Leland wanted to see him to have some sort of closure. On the fourth of July, we went.
I don’t even know how to explain how we felt about this situation….
We drove to his parents’ house first to pick up his mother and take her with us to the hospital. She cried and hugged us both. I tried not to roll my eyes when she was being all sad. And it took A LOT for me to hug her back. Leland and his mom made small talk on the way to the hospital as I sat in the back seat trying not to be annoyed by the situation.
It was a very surreal day. Seeing Edward made Leland angry. He has been dealing with all of these negative feelings for so long and I think seeing his dad again made them even more real. Though Edward was still in an induced coma, he was very mildly responsive. At this point, 5 days after the accident, he was in the clear and is expected to make a full recovery. Leland was able to say what he has been waiting 4 years to say, but we know Edward doesn’t remember anything. Leland still thinks he is a bastard and still doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.
On the way back to his parents’ house from the hospital Leland and his mom finally talked about the real issues. They fought, they got mad, they somehow made some progress. She apologized to both of us. She hugged both of us again. And then we went home. They have talked once since the 4th, and I am sure there will be more phone calls.
However, this is not a reconciliation. Fuck that. At this point I don’t even know if that is possible. Leland is in no hurry to patch things up with his family. And neither am I.
On June 30th Leland’s dad was in a motorcycle accident.
According to witnesses and the police report, Edward was swerving between traffic, squeezed between two cars that were stopped at a red light and then proceeded to go through the red light. In other words, the asshole had it coming. He was hit on his right side by one car and then another car hit him as he was knocked off his bike. He had to be airlifted to a hospital.
Edward fractured his skull, beat up his face, fractured his tailbone and shattered his right leg. The doctors think he will need more than a dozen surgeries to put his leg back together. When he was first admitted to the hospital doctors weren’t sure that he was even going to survive. So this is the second time he has come back from the dead. How many lives does this man have?
The night after the accident Leland and I were sitting on our deck, drinking beer and talking about his family. Leland’s initial reaction to hearing about the accident was….nondescript. He didn’t seem to care that much. But after talking for a while, we decided that we would take the 3 hour drive and visit his dad in the hospital. At this point, it was still very possible that this would be the last chance for Leland to see his father alive. Leland wanted to see him to have some sort of closure. On the fourth of July, we went.
I don’t even know how to explain how we felt about this situation….
We drove to his parents’ house first to pick up his mother and take her with us to the hospital. She cried and hugged us both. I tried not to roll my eyes when she was being all sad. And it took A LOT for me to hug her back. Leland and his mom made small talk on the way to the hospital as I sat in the back seat trying not to be annoyed by the situation.
It was a very surreal day. Seeing Edward made Leland angry. He has been dealing with all of these negative feelings for so long and I think seeing his dad again made them even more real. Though Edward was still in an induced coma, he was very mildly responsive. At this point, 5 days after the accident, he was in the clear and is expected to make a full recovery. Leland was able to say what he has been waiting 4 years to say, but we know Edward doesn’t remember anything. Leland still thinks he is a bastard and still doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.
On the way back to his parents’ house from the hospital Leland and his mom finally talked about the real issues. They fought, they got mad, they somehow made some progress. She apologized to both of us. She hugged both of us again. And then we went home. They have talked once since the 4th, and I am sure there will be more phone calls.
However, this is not a reconciliation. Fuck that. At this point I don’t even know if that is possible. Leland is in no hurry to patch things up with his family. And neither am I.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Coming out of Retirement
I have really been enjoying my summer. We started it out by taking the best vacation ever to Savannah, GA, and we have kept the fun going all summer long. We have been having so much fun and all responsibilities have been pushed to the side.
Ok, not all responsibilities. As much as we wanted to, it has been nearly impossible to escape reality for very long this summer. With work issues, and *gasp* Leland’s parents creeping back into the picture, there really isn’t much we can do except pour another beer.
Yes, we go to work like we have to, but the laundry? It has been sitting in baskets all over my house for weeks. I manage to get the laundry clean, but only after we are all out of underwear, and it never makes it in the closet or drawers where clean laundry belongs. My dining room is a mess. I have an entire summers worth of mail piled up on the dining room table. I have coupons scattered everywhere because although I find the time to clip them, I just cannot break myself away from the daiquiris long enough to organize them. And we haven’t weeded our yard, flowerboxes or driveway all summer. Yes, I said driveway. It needs to be seal coated so badly be we haven’t done that either. My house is so unkempt that it is starting to look like a foreclosure property.
But my neighbors aren’t complaining yet so I don’t care. I am just going to continue having fun, because the work will still be waiting there for me when I am done. And now that I am blogging again, I have no idea when any chores will be completed. And that’s ok with me. I have a neat freak husband who will do it all when he gets overwhelmed. I just need to wait long enough for that to happen.
Ok, not all responsibilities. As much as we wanted to, it has been nearly impossible to escape reality for very long this summer. With work issues, and *gasp* Leland’s parents creeping back into the picture, there really isn’t much we can do except pour another beer.
Yes, we go to work like we have to, but the laundry? It has been sitting in baskets all over my house for weeks. I manage to get the laundry clean, but only after we are all out of underwear, and it never makes it in the closet or drawers where clean laundry belongs. My dining room is a mess. I have an entire summers worth of mail piled up on the dining room table. I have coupons scattered everywhere because although I find the time to clip them, I just cannot break myself away from the daiquiris long enough to organize them. And we haven’t weeded our yard, flowerboxes or driveway all summer. Yes, I said driveway. It needs to be seal coated so badly be we haven’t done that either. My house is so unkempt that it is starting to look like a foreclosure property.
But my neighbors aren’t complaining yet so I don’t care. I am just going to continue having fun, because the work will still be waiting there for me when I am done. And now that I am blogging again, I have no idea when any chores will be completed. And that’s ok with me. I have a neat freak husband who will do it all when he gets overwhelmed. I just need to wait long enough for that to happen.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Smartest Woman in the World
Because I was asked so nicely to do some entertaining today by Organic Meatbag:
As I was on my way to work this morning I was listening to a Chicago radio station, 101.9fm. Great. No one cares about the radio station, but I thought I should add it in case anyone was wondering.
I tuned in a little too late to hear the whole story, but apparently someone or some group with nothing better to do did a study on whether breast size could be a sign of intelligence in women. And you want to know what they found?
They found that I am the smartest women in the world.
You see, their silly little study showed that women with larger breasts were more intelligent than women with small breasts.
Please don’t shoot the messenger. I wasn’t the one to do this study. Plus, I have no idea what the sample size was or how they tested the intelligence of the ladies. And I have no idea what they consider to be large or small. I really don’t know anything about this at all except that without evening meeting me, they already think I’m smart.
I think this is the best news ever, because without even taking an intelligence test, I just became the smartest woman in the world. I have G cups. Yes, that’s right. G as in Gigantic. G as in Gorgeous. G as in Gee whiz, don’t you look smart!
Ok, so I know there are women out there who have bigger boobs than I do, but I don’t know them so they don’t exist in my little world. And because I don’t know them, I can tell everyone that I am the smartest woman in the world. You bet I am going to take this one all the way to the bank. Not that I actually understand what that expression means, but I am still going to do it.
As I was on my way to work this morning I was listening to a Chicago radio station, 101.9fm. Great. No one cares about the radio station, but I thought I should add it in case anyone was wondering.
I tuned in a little too late to hear the whole story, but apparently someone or some group with nothing better to do did a study on whether breast size could be a sign of intelligence in women. And you want to know what they found?
They found that I am the smartest women in the world.
You see, their silly little study showed that women with larger breasts were more intelligent than women with small breasts.
Please don’t shoot the messenger. I wasn’t the one to do this study. Plus, I have no idea what the sample size was or how they tested the intelligence of the ladies. And I have no idea what they consider to be large or small. I really don’t know anything about this at all except that without evening meeting me, they already think I’m smart.
I think this is the best news ever, because without even taking an intelligence test, I just became the smartest woman in the world. I have G cups. Yes, that’s right. G as in Gigantic. G as in Gorgeous. G as in Gee whiz, don’t you look smart!
Ok, so I know there are women out there who have bigger boobs than I do, but I don’t know them so they don’t exist in my little world. And because I don’t know them, I can tell everyone that I am the smartest woman in the world. You bet I am going to take this one all the way to the bank. Not that I actually understand what that expression means, but I am still going to do it.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It's Time to Get Me Outta Here!
Is 7 weeks too early to start counting down to a vacation?
Even if it is, my countdown has already started.
In 7 weeks Leland and I will be leaving town for my birthday, driving to Savannah, GA for a week of goofing off and misbehaving. Why Savannah, GA you might ask? Well, Leland and I love roadtrips. We were planning on taking one last year that we had to cancel because of my awesome abilities to cause extreme injury to myself. It has been nearly three years since our last vacation and we both wanted to do something this summer. And since I am the most indecisive person in the world, I sighed up for Groupons in several places around the country. I decided to let Groupon make the decision for me.
One day a few months ago the Groupon for that chosen day was 50% off a king suite at a hotel in Savannah, GA. The decision had been made. Though we were dreaming about a trip, staying in a hotel for 6 nights can be so expensive and we weren't sure if we could afford $1000 just for a hotel room. But with the amazing Groupon deal we were able to start planning our trip.
(No, this isn't a commercial for Groupon, I just really love them right now).
We were also able to book a walking tour for 50% off on Groupon, as well as 50% off a carriage ride ghost tour (Savannah is apparently a very haunted city), and I got a $60 gift certificate for a sushi restaurant for only $20. Oh, and I bought a Groupon for a dolphin watching boat ride that was 50% off.
So as I am at work and should be getting work done, I cannot stop day dreaming about getting the hell out of town. I am excited to go here:
The Juliette Gordon Low house. Juliette Gordon Low is the founder of the Girl Scouts of America, and you all know how much I heart the Girl Scouts! I am so excited to take a picture in front of it!
We will also be stopping here:
This is one of Savannah's 24 squares, and the square made famous by the opening park bench scene in Forrest Gump. Leland and I have plans to rent bikes and see all 24 squares while we are there.
But I think I am most excited about going here:
I hope to spend my birthday doing nothing but hanging out at the beach. That would make my birthday a very happy day. But for now, I am sitting in my office, looking at pictures with my head in the clouds. I know the 7 weeks will fly by, and though I really want to take my vacation, I don't want to wish away my last few weeks of still being in my 20's!
Even if it is, my countdown has already started.
In 7 weeks Leland and I will be leaving town for my birthday, driving to Savannah, GA for a week of goofing off and misbehaving. Why Savannah, GA you might ask? Well, Leland and I love roadtrips. We were planning on taking one last year that we had to cancel because of my awesome abilities to cause extreme injury to myself. It has been nearly three years since our last vacation and we both wanted to do something this summer. And since I am the most indecisive person in the world, I sighed up for Groupons in several places around the country. I decided to let Groupon make the decision for me.
One day a few months ago the Groupon for that chosen day was 50% off a king suite at a hotel in Savannah, GA. The decision had been made. Though we were dreaming about a trip, staying in a hotel for 6 nights can be so expensive and we weren't sure if we could afford $1000 just for a hotel room. But with the amazing Groupon deal we were able to start planning our trip.
(No, this isn't a commercial for Groupon, I just really love them right now).
We were also able to book a walking tour for 50% off on Groupon, as well as 50% off a carriage ride ghost tour (Savannah is apparently a very haunted city), and I got a $60 gift certificate for a sushi restaurant for only $20. Oh, and I bought a Groupon for a dolphin watching boat ride that was 50% off.
So as I am at work and should be getting work done, I cannot stop day dreaming about getting the hell out of town. I am excited to go here:
The Juliette Gordon Low house. Juliette Gordon Low is the founder of the Girl Scouts of America, and you all know how much I heart the Girl Scouts! I am so excited to take a picture in front of it!
We will also be stopping here:
This is one of Savannah's 24 squares, and the square made famous by the opening park bench scene in Forrest Gump. Leland and I have plans to rent bikes and see all 24 squares while we are there.
But I think I am most excited about going here:
I hope to spend my birthday doing nothing but hanging out at the beach. That would make my birthday a very happy day. But for now, I am sitting in my office, looking at pictures with my head in the clouds. I know the 7 weeks will fly by, and though I really want to take my vacation, I don't want to wish away my last few weeks of still being in my 20's!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Meet the Neighbors
This past Saturday was a beautiful spring day in my area, and for the first time in months, the neighbors were outside enjoying the weather. Leland and I even took a little time to catch up with our neighbors Dan and Margie. Dan and Margie are great neighbors, but we haven’t always been that lucky. Read on about The Drug Dealers, The Reclusive Weirdoes, and The Asshole Prankster. And because not all of our neighbors have been bad, I’ve included The Best Neighbors in the Whole Goddamn World. The Drug Dealers: Now, I cannot be absolutely sure that we had drug dealers living next door, but all evidence points to that being that case. At all hours of the day and night, random people would pull up, park on the street and leave their cars running. They would go inside, and then leave moments later. This happened at least 8 times every single day. I really wasn’t that concerned about the drugs they were dealing, however the middle of the night arguments that the man and woman had were out of control. They yelled and screamed loud enough for the whole block to have an intimate account of their arguments. Words like whore, slut, good for nothing bitch were thrown around nonstop. They got evicted shortly after we moved in because I called the landlord and complained multiple times. The Best Neighbors in the Whole Goddamn World: Right after we moved in The Best Neighbors in the Whole Goddamn World moved in right next door. They were a couple in their late 30’s who had the sweetest daughter ever. We became friends very quickly, mostly because the man would come over to our house every Friday after work with beer for everyone. Our Beer-thirty Friday nights became a tradition. On the weekends we would do hard work together, let the dogs play, grill food and drink some more. We walked into each other’s houses without knocking, and had keys to each other’s houses in case the doors were locked for some reason. I am pretty sure I cried when they told us they were moving. Even now, we still call each other “neighbor.” The Asshole Pranksters: When we moved in Leland and I expected to be the loud, annoying people on the block. So at first we were relieved to find that someone else already at that title. A single 20-something male lived two doors down. He was loud, obnoxious and rude. He had shady friends over and treated me and our then roommate Star like shit. He was a gross, chauvinist pig. So when Leland started complaining to him about the way he was treating the ladies, Asshole Prankster got pissed. Once he peed on our front porch. Another time he came over and broke two of my flower pots. During a party he was having him and some friends came over and smashed the bricks that made up our front steps. Please reports were filed but we were never able to press charges. Eventually he left us alone, but that was only after Leland went to his house and threatened him. It really worked to our advantage that Leland is big and scary. When he put a For Sale sign in his front yard Leland and I celebrated with a bottle of champagne. The Reclusive Weirdoes: When The Best Neighbors in the Whole Goddamn World moved out, the Reclusive Weirdoes moved in. The Reclusive Weirdoes are a family of five. They have two teenage boys and a girl who is probably 9 or 10 right now. They have lived right next door to us and WE NEVER SEE THEM. The young girl never plays outside. The teenage boys don’t even mow the lawn. The last time we saw the man was in the beginning of February right after we had a blizzard. I have honestly forgotten what the woman looks like because I haven’t seen her in MONTHS. Yes, they are quiet and never cause problems, but I cannot get over how weird it is that they live next door and they never emerge from their house. Dan and Margie: Dan and Margie live on the other side of us. They moved in a few years ago and are absolutely wonderful. They are about my parents age, and I think they like having Leland and I around. I think Dan sees a lot of himself in Leland. Dan was a former wild child, he loves listening to the band practice in the basement, and he loves talking to all of the band guys about music and jamming. Dan sold us our motorcycle, he plows our driveway in the winter, helps us with pretty much whatever we need in the summer. And in return I bake them pies.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I Have Been Lost....In a Good Book
For the past few weeks, I have been doing something I haven’t done in a really long time. I have been reading books.
I canceled my Facebook page and found I had all of this extra time to do some reading. And then once I started reading, I just couldn’t stop, so my blog was put on hold as well. Now I need to figure out how to balance reading and blogging. Because I like to do both and would like to be able to do both.
Right now I am reading Scent of the Missing: Love and Partnership with a Search and Rescue Dog by Susannah Charleson. For all of you dog/animal lovers out there, it is a must read. It’s funny and heartwarming and has even made me allow my dog Bacchus to lay in bed with Leland and I on occasion.
I just finished reading all of the Dragon Tattoo books by Steig Larsson. Loved them.
I have been reading some Jennifer Weiner chick lit, as well as some really bad books I checked out from the library. I love the library. Did you know you can rent books there for free????? For so long I was spending so much money buying books. I used to spend about $150 a month on books.
But not anymore.
The library is saving me so much money!
I will be heading back to the library tonight with hopes of finding a few more books that are worthy of my attention. I am sure I will leave with an armful.
I canceled my Facebook page and found I had all of this extra time to do some reading. And then once I started reading, I just couldn’t stop, so my blog was put on hold as well. Now I need to figure out how to balance reading and blogging. Because I like to do both and would like to be able to do both.
Right now I am reading Scent of the Missing: Love and Partnership with a Search and Rescue Dog by Susannah Charleson. For all of you dog/animal lovers out there, it is a must read. It’s funny and heartwarming and has even made me allow my dog Bacchus to lay in bed with Leland and I on occasion.
I just finished reading all of the Dragon Tattoo books by Steig Larsson. Loved them.
I have been reading some Jennifer Weiner chick lit, as well as some really bad books I checked out from the library. I love the library. Did you know you can rent books there for free????? For so long I was spending so much money buying books. I used to spend about $150 a month on books.
But not anymore.
The library is saving me so much money!
I will be heading back to the library tonight with hopes of finding a few more books that are worthy of my attention. I am sure I will leave with an armful.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tales from my Twenties--Continuing with my 80's Rock Concert Shenanigans.
In July 2009, Leland and I went with our good friends Danny and Kathryn to see Ratt at the House of Blues in Chicago.
We love Ratt, and were both way pumped to be able to see them perform Body Talk live. Body Talk is one of our favorite songs.
When we made it to Chicago, we had about 30 minutes until Danny and Kathryn were supposed to meet us, so we went to the bar next door to the House of Blues and ordered a drink. About half way through that first drink, I decided it was an excellent idea for us to do a shot. Leland was a little apprehensive because he knows how I get once I start doing shots, but I assured him it would just be one. He should know me better than that.
We did our shot and then went outside to meet Danny and Kathryn.
As soon as I saw Kathryn I remembered a very important fact about her: she loves doing tequila shots as much as I do.
Just one more shot, I told Leland. We are at Ratt and I have to do a tequila shot with Kathryn. Don’t worry, I said, it’ll just be the one shot.
We took our one shot and followed it with a beer.
We were having a good time, so naturally I thought we should do another shot. Nothing says “let’s party” like a shot of tequila. I ignored Leland’s protests and ordered two more shots for me and Kathryn. He shouldn’t even have tried to protest because there was no way he was going to win that argument.
I was probably getting a little wild and crazy. Probably. The thing is, I don’t really remember much. Apparently 80’s music concerts make me get all kinds of drunk and forget important things.
I remember taking several more shots. I remember there was a point when I could barely walk. I remember thinking that all of those shots of tequila were not a good idea. I remember thinking that I should never have opened a tab with our debit card.
And that is all I remembered until I woke up on the ground in a parking garage, next to a very large pile of vomit.
I can only imagine what I must have looked like to random people walking to their parked cars.
I remember waking up, not having any idea how I got where I was. I remember being so happy that I was right next to my car and that I didn’t lock myself out when I got out of the car to puke. And then I remembered dumping the contents of my purse all over the ground to find my cell phone so I could locate Leland. And I think it was at that moment that I saw Leland, Danny and Kathryn walking toward me like a mirage in the distance.
I was still very drunk and my vision was very blurry.
Apparently Leland took me to our car because I wanted him to be able to see the concert. I guess it didn’t occur to either of us that I might decide to leave the car once I got there. Lucky for me I was way too drunk to stay upright.
Though I puked a lot, I spent two days being hung over.
Oh, and I didn’t learn my lesson. I still love doing tequila shots, though now I will only do them at home. And I am so glad there were no camera’s around this time to document my drunkenness.
P.S. I can so feel my mother beaming with pride as she reads these stories.
We love Ratt, and were both way pumped to be able to see them perform Body Talk live. Body Talk is one of our favorite songs.
When we made it to Chicago, we had about 30 minutes until Danny and Kathryn were supposed to meet us, so we went to the bar next door to the House of Blues and ordered a drink. About half way through that first drink, I decided it was an excellent idea for us to do a shot. Leland was a little apprehensive because he knows how I get once I start doing shots, but I assured him it would just be one. He should know me better than that.
We did our shot and then went outside to meet Danny and Kathryn.
As soon as I saw Kathryn I remembered a very important fact about her: she loves doing tequila shots as much as I do.
Just one more shot, I told Leland. We are at Ratt and I have to do a tequila shot with Kathryn. Don’t worry, I said, it’ll just be the one shot.
We took our one shot and followed it with a beer.
We were having a good time, so naturally I thought we should do another shot. Nothing says “let’s party” like a shot of tequila. I ignored Leland’s protests and ordered two more shots for me and Kathryn. He shouldn’t even have tried to protest because there was no way he was going to win that argument.
I was probably getting a little wild and crazy. Probably. The thing is, I don’t really remember much. Apparently 80’s music concerts make me get all kinds of drunk and forget important things.
I remember taking several more shots. I remember there was a point when I could barely walk. I remember thinking that all of those shots of tequila were not a good idea. I remember thinking that I should never have opened a tab with our debit card.
And that is all I remembered until I woke up on the ground in a parking garage, next to a very large pile of vomit.
I can only imagine what I must have looked like to random people walking to their parked cars.
I remember waking up, not having any idea how I got where I was. I remember being so happy that I was right next to my car and that I didn’t lock myself out when I got out of the car to puke. And then I remembered dumping the contents of my purse all over the ground to find my cell phone so I could locate Leland. And I think it was at that moment that I saw Leland, Danny and Kathryn walking toward me like a mirage in the distance.
I was still very drunk and my vision was very blurry.
Apparently Leland took me to our car because I wanted him to be able to see the concert. I guess it didn’t occur to either of us that I might decide to leave the car once I got there. Lucky for me I was way too drunk to stay upright.
Though I puked a lot, I spent two days being hung over.
Oh, and I didn’t learn my lesson. I still love doing tequila shots, though now I will only do them at home. And I am so glad there were no camera’s around this time to document my drunkenness.
P.S. I can so feel my mother beaming with pride as she reads these stories.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I Have a Rubber Butt
In my real life I am a very nice person.
(I’m a nice person online too, so I guess that would just make me a nice person in general.)
I like to take care of people so I go out of my way to make others happy. I make myself available to my friends and family whenever they need me. If I am at work or busy doing something else, I will drop everything if someone texts me that they need me to call.
I make the call. I do what I need to do to be there for the people I love and care about.
What is this about, you may be wondering…
I have no idea why some people decide to be blatantly rude to me for no reason.
Take Snake, for instance. Snake likes to pretend that he is in his mid-twenties and party with us until dawn. He is very creepy. He is the older guy who will come up behind you and rub your shoulders even if you didn’t ask him to. He is the older guy who will make jokes about you giving him a blow job. I don’t like him (that’s why I am calling him Snake) but I have never been mean or rude to him. I just keep my distance whenever he is around. I have never extended the hand of friendship but always smile and am polite when I happen to see him.
For some reason he treats me so badly whenever possible. A few months ago while we were at a friend’s wedding, Snake told me that I looked like a whore.
I didn’t look like a whore at all. I was wearing a dress that was right below my knees and I wasn’t showing any cleavage. And several people commented on how pretty I looked. And honestly, the way I looked as nothing to do with it and shouldn't even be considered. What really matters was the display of poor manners.
(That was actually a pretty shitty day for me because the bride’s sister felt the need to point out that I am a “chunky girl.” That made me feel awesome. So even though several people thought I looked amazing, all I could think was that I looked like a chunky whore.)
Once Snake came up to me and questioned why anyone was even friends with me.
The funny thing is, I have been getting that question a lot lately. People have actually been wondering how I have any friends.
I’m not going to get defensive and list reasons why people want to be friends with me. That would just be silly. The people who read my blog because they like to, because they know me and love me, because they think I am funny and because we have formed positive, friendly relationships with each other know exactly why someone would want to be my friend.
And I know what those reasons are as well. So bring on the rudeness, I am not going to let it get me down.
I have a rubber butt, I bounce back.
(I’m a nice person online too, so I guess that would just make me a nice person in general.)
I like to take care of people so I go out of my way to make others happy. I make myself available to my friends and family whenever they need me. If I am at work or busy doing something else, I will drop everything if someone texts me that they need me to call.
I make the call. I do what I need to do to be there for the people I love and care about.
What is this about, you may be wondering…
I have no idea why some people decide to be blatantly rude to me for no reason.
Take Snake, for instance. Snake likes to pretend that he is in his mid-twenties and party with us until dawn. He is very creepy. He is the older guy who will come up behind you and rub your shoulders even if you didn’t ask him to. He is the older guy who will make jokes about you giving him a blow job. I don’t like him (that’s why I am calling him Snake) but I have never been mean or rude to him. I just keep my distance whenever he is around. I have never extended the hand of friendship but always smile and am polite when I happen to see him.
For some reason he treats me so badly whenever possible. A few months ago while we were at a friend’s wedding, Snake told me that I looked like a whore.
I didn’t look like a whore at all. I was wearing a dress that was right below my knees and I wasn’t showing any cleavage. And several people commented on how pretty I looked. And honestly, the way I looked as nothing to do with it and shouldn't even be considered. What really matters was the display of poor manners.
(That was actually a pretty shitty day for me because the bride’s sister felt the need to point out that I am a “chunky girl.” That made me feel awesome. So even though several people thought I looked amazing, all I could think was that I looked like a chunky whore.)
Once Snake came up to me and questioned why anyone was even friends with me.
The funny thing is, I have been getting that question a lot lately. People have actually been wondering how I have any friends.
I’m not going to get defensive and list reasons why people want to be friends with me. That would just be silly. The people who read my blog because they like to, because they know me and love me, because they think I am funny and because we have formed positive, friendly relationships with each other know exactly why someone would want to be my friend.
And I know what those reasons are as well. So bring on the rudeness, I am not going to let it get me down.
I have a rubber butt, I bounce back.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tales From my Twenties -- Rocklahoma Style
In the spring of 2007 Leland called me at work. “Do you have any interest in taking a road trip to Oklahoma?” he asked.
“Not really,” I said.
“How bout if we were going to see White Lion in concert?” he asked.
I almost didn’t believe him, but sure as shit, White Lion was playing at Rocklahoma, an 80’s hair band/cock rock music festival. I am fairly certain we bought our 3 day passes that night.
We love White Lion and actually give them a little credit for us being together.
In July, we packed the car and road tripped to the concert. We brought all the essentials: clothes, sunscreen and the beer bong.
The festival was in this big field, with tents of merchandise, food and beer set up all around the perimeter. It was HOT. So I did the only smart thing: I started drinking excessive amounts of Miller Chill, even though I thought it was sort of gross.
We were outside for the entire day, switching off between watching a band, drinking beer and doing shots in the alcohol tents, and heading back to the parking lot to make some friends and do beer bongs with total strangers.
I had no idea how drunk I was.
I vaguely remember taking drunken photos with random people.
I sort of recall laying on the grass by my car and taking a nap.
There are hazy images of Leland sticking his fingers down my throat to make me throw up.
I think I even remember some guys seeing Leland trying to make me vomit and commenting on how it was sort of a weird form of porn.
But I had no idea how drunk I was until the following morning. When I was going through my pockets to see how much cash I had left, I found a signed consent form from the Howard Stern film crew. Apparently I gave them permission to use footage of my breasts for their TV show, along with the drunken interview I gave them. The topless, drunken interview I gave them.
Apparently I didn’t learn my lesson after drunkenly signing a consent form for Girls Gone Wild. That story will be coming later.
“Not really,” I said.
“How bout if we were going to see White Lion in concert?” he asked.
I almost didn’t believe him, but sure as shit, White Lion was playing at Rocklahoma, an 80’s hair band/cock rock music festival. I am fairly certain we bought our 3 day passes that night.
We love White Lion and actually give them a little credit for us being together.
In July, we packed the car and road tripped to the concert. We brought all the essentials: clothes, sunscreen and the beer bong.
The festival was in this big field, with tents of merchandise, food and beer set up all around the perimeter. It was HOT. So I did the only smart thing: I started drinking excessive amounts of Miller Chill, even though I thought it was sort of gross.
We were outside for the entire day, switching off between watching a band, drinking beer and doing shots in the alcohol tents, and heading back to the parking lot to make some friends and do beer bongs with total strangers.
I had no idea how drunk I was.
I vaguely remember taking drunken photos with random people.
I sort of recall laying on the grass by my car and taking a nap.
There are hazy images of Leland sticking his fingers down my throat to make me throw up.
I think I even remember some guys seeing Leland trying to make me vomit and commenting on how it was sort of a weird form of porn.
But I had no idea how drunk I was until the following morning. When I was going through my pockets to see how much cash I had left, I found a signed consent form from the Howard Stern film crew. Apparently I gave them permission to use footage of my breasts for their TV show, along with the drunken interview I gave them. The topless, drunken interview I gave them.
Apparently I didn’t learn my lesson after drunkenly signing a consent form for Girls Gone Wild. That story will be coming later.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I Once Made Out With A....
Last week RN Mama told us a story about how she pseudo-dated a rodeo clown. Of course this made me think about all the unsavory traveling freakshows I have dated.
Well, there was actually only one traveling freakshow in my past.
I know, surprising, right?
(The other freakshows weren't traveling)
And I didn't date this one, it was just a one time impulse decision.
But the one I have was bad enough that I up until now I have only shared this very dark secret with a few people. Like my very good friend Amy....
Last summer I was sitting outside with a friend, drinking boxed wine. We were pretty blitzed and having a great time when my cell phone rang.
It was Amy and it was late so I answered it, thinking that maybe something was wrong.
Instead I could hear her giggling. “Al,” she said. “Mike and I were just leaving Summerfest and we were laughing about the time you made out with a Carnie!”
Only a very, very good friend can get away with making a phone call strictly to laugh at you. But it was funny, and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. Amy and I weren’t yet friends when the Carnie kissing happened, so she was trying to remember the details to tell her husband Mike about it.
I had to have been around 14 or 15. You know, old enough to go to the county fair with just my sister, but young enough to think that the carnie running the carousel was HOT. I was also young enough to think that nothing would make me happier than having him stick his dirty tongue down my throat.
I remember my sister thinking that he was gross, and that I should not pay any attention to him. But my sister and I split up to hang out with our friends separately, so I did not have her with me to protect me from acting stupid.
For some reason I can remember exactly what I was wearing that day. I was wearing light blue jeans, not quite stonewashed, but close enough. I have no idea why I was wearing jeans because I remember being uncomfortable hot. It was the first week of August in the Midwest. Of course I was hot. I also had on a light pink tank top and brown sandals. I must have been looking smokin’ because I caught the carnie’s eye.
Lucky me!
I must have been so entranced with the carnie because I would not listen to anyone who told me that I should not be flirting with him. I did not care that other people thought it wasn’t a good idea. Instead, I left my friends and spent a good part of the day riding the carousel.
Too bad he didn’t run something cool, like the tilt-a-whirl.
When his shift was over we spent the rest of the night riding whatever I wanted to ride for free. I thought that was a pretty sweet deal. We made out a lot, and then I went home. Thank goddess my sister was smart enough not to take me back to the fair that year. I am sure she saved me from doing other very stupid things.
p.s. Carnie boy may have been the first boy to feel me up, but I’m not really sure….
Well, there was actually only one traveling freakshow in my past.
I know, surprising, right?
(The other freakshows weren't traveling)
And I didn't date this one, it was just a one time impulse decision.
But the one I have was bad enough that I up until now I have only shared this very dark secret with a few people. Like my very good friend Amy....
Last summer I was sitting outside with a friend, drinking boxed wine. We were pretty blitzed and having a great time when my cell phone rang.
It was Amy and it was late so I answered it, thinking that maybe something was wrong.
Instead I could hear her giggling. “Al,” she said. “Mike and I were just leaving Summerfest and we were laughing about the time you made out with a Carnie!”
Only a very, very good friend can get away with making a phone call strictly to laugh at you. But it was funny, and I couldn’t help but laugh along with her. Amy and I weren’t yet friends when the Carnie kissing happened, so she was trying to remember the details to tell her husband Mike about it.
I had to have been around 14 or 15. You know, old enough to go to the county fair with just my sister, but young enough to think that the carnie running the carousel was HOT. I was also young enough to think that nothing would make me happier than having him stick his dirty tongue down my throat.
I remember my sister thinking that he was gross, and that I should not pay any attention to him. But my sister and I split up to hang out with our friends separately, so I did not have her with me to protect me from acting stupid.
For some reason I can remember exactly what I was wearing that day. I was wearing light blue jeans, not quite stonewashed, but close enough. I have no idea why I was wearing jeans because I remember being uncomfortable hot. It was the first week of August in the Midwest. Of course I was hot. I also had on a light pink tank top and brown sandals. I must have been looking smokin’ because I caught the carnie’s eye.
Lucky me!
I must have been so entranced with the carnie because I would not listen to anyone who told me that I should not be flirting with him. I did not care that other people thought it wasn’t a good idea. Instead, I left my friends and spent a good part of the day riding the carousel.
Too bad he didn’t run something cool, like the tilt-a-whirl.
When his shift was over we spent the rest of the night riding whatever I wanted to ride for free. I thought that was a pretty sweet deal. We made out a lot, and then I went home. Thank goddess my sister was smart enough not to take me back to the fair that year. I am sure she saved me from doing other very stupid things.
p.s. Carnie boy may have been the first boy to feel me up, but I’m not really sure….
Monday, February 14, 2011
As it Turns Out, It is ALL About the Cookies
I am a little embarrassed today.
No, I didn't do something regretful this weekend.
Well, maybe I did.
Remeber when I wrote the post about the things I learned in Girl Scouts? Remember when I admitted to all of you that I was a Girl Scout until I graduated high school?
Well, if you didn't know, it's Girl Scout cookie time. I usually have a family member or child of a friend that I order from, but this year no one came knocking on my door. So when RN Mama posted a giveaway on her blog that would win me 3 boxes of cookies, I just had to participate. I did whatever I could to win those cookies, even sending her a picture of myself in my Girl Scout uniform when I was 15!
Yes people. The proof that I was a major nerd in high school is hanging out at RN Mama today. Go take a look.
No, I didn't do something regretful this weekend.
Well, maybe I did.
Remeber when I wrote the post about the things I learned in Girl Scouts? Remember when I admitted to all of you that I was a Girl Scout until I graduated high school?
Well, if you didn't know, it's Girl Scout cookie time. I usually have a family member or child of a friend that I order from, but this year no one came knocking on my door. So when RN Mama posted a giveaway on her blog that would win me 3 boxes of cookies, I just had to participate. I did whatever I could to win those cookies, even sending her a picture of myself in my Girl Scout uniform when I was 15!
Yes people. The proof that I was a major nerd in high school is hanging out at RN Mama today. Go take a look.
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