Thursday, September 23, 2010

It's Not Just About Selling Cookies, It's All About the Life Lessons

When I was a young girl, I was very active in Girl Scouts.

Truth be told, I was very active in Girl Scouts even when I wasn’t so young. I was actually a Girl Scout until I was 17. (Don't tell anyone. This is a big secret!)

I loved it. Every single minute of it. The meetings, the badges, even selling cookies. Ok, not selling cookies. But I did it anyway. The only reason I wasn’t a nerd in high school is because no one knew I was still a Girl Scout. I was very good at keeping it a secret. Plus, I was a cheerleader and that helped me cover up my nerdy side. Yes, Leland is tagging a cheerleader and a Girl Scout. What a lucky, lucky man!

But being a Girl Scout helped make me who I am today, and had I quit at the appropriate age like most of the girls I know, I would never have learned many valuable lessons.

For instance, it was because of Girl Scouts that I learned to properly slap someone across the face. I don’t mean a girly, light slap. I mean a full hand, open palm bitch slap. Tiffany was my then best friend and we were fighting about something that I can’t remember all these years later. When she slapped me across the face, my reaction was to slap her back. She looked at me and said, “Wow, that didn’t hurt at all. This is how you do it.”

And then she proceeded to teach me to bitch slap someone, and even let me practice on her. That’s what friends are for, right?

I also learned how to sneak out. When I was 15 I went to Central Mexico with a bunch of other GS’s. We stayed at a GS run facility, and every night we would get locked in our dorms. That didn’t stop my friend Angela and I from noticing there was a bathroom window that didn’t close all the way. We snuck out most nights and then broke into the arts and crafts building to work on whatever projects we felt like doing that night. Yes, GS also taught me the fine art of a B&E. Though I snuck out to do arts and crafts. That's not very hard core AT ALL.

On that same trip, I was introduced to tequila. This was the start of my love/hate relationship with tequila. Like Frank the Tank says in Old School, “once it hits your lips it’s so good.” While in Mexico, I sprained my ankle. The doctor I went to put me in a cast and gave me crutches. It was not easy to get around. So while we were on our day trips, Angela and I would head to a cantina and belly up to the bar while everyone else was out sightseeing. Even in a GS uniform we were both still able to order shot after shot of tequila. It was then that I also experienced my first hangover.

I have never had tequila that good again.

I was just going to include learning to smoke weed from Girl Scouts, but then I remembered I learned how to do that at CHURCH.

23 comments:

Cristy said...

HAHA...my favorite was the last line, I have to say.

I have a love/ love relationship with Tequila. That was the first time I ever got drunk in front of my parents AND all their friends...gotta love the lime and salt. ; )

McVal said...

wow! You had quite the education! Both in scouts and spiritually!
I've never had Tequila. But I'll bet it's best in Mexico!

foxy said...

And to my fellow girl scouter, I say, "Be Prepared!" Yep, I still remember that motto all these years later. I knew those cadettes were having some kind of fun... I should've stuck around to see what it was, but I was out after I was a junior!!

Snuggle Wasteland said...

Your adventures in Scouting would make an awesome teen movie. I'm picturing 2 gals in uniform, drinking tequila at a bar in Mexico. Hilarious!

Stephanie Faris said...

I dropped out of Girl Scouts after camp. The great outdoors just wasn't for me. Of course, my stepdaughter 'camps' at college campuses and cabins at state parks. We camped in the outdoors, in tents.

Kim said...

Okay, your GS years were way better than mine. Way better. Clearly I should have stuck it out longer. I quit when I was like 10. It someone had told me that bitch slapping and tequila were invovled a little down the road, I might have lasted a little longer!

But those cookies, they are still my weakness!

MiMi said...

What a friend!!! She actually taught you to bitch slap. That's awesome!

Vodka Logic said...

Seems I got out of GS too young and my daughters got out just in time [notice the double standard, parenting does that to you]

thank goodness we don't go to church much either... and it takes a village.

thanks for the great story

Elle said...

I love that you and your friend snuck out at night to do arts and crafts, which necessitated breaking into the arts and crafts building. That is so full of all kinds of awesome!

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Dang, had I known that girl scouts were so exciting, I would have joined in! Good to know for my own daughter though!

P.s. - my brother and my cousin lost their virginity at church camp. I think it was a lot like "Band camp" from American Pie. :-)

carma said...

You crack me up!!! I quit girl scouts young, probably why I was never exposed to all these important life lessons. Had I only known...

I had an opportunity today where I would have loved to whale across somebody's face. Maybe you can show me the secret sometime.

My blood pressure is still through the roof after run-in with the beyotch

Intense Guy said...

I would have bought GS Cookies from you... :)

Of course, I would have bought Tequila from (and for) ya too...

I love this entry - you are one very unique person and I love that.

heartinhand said...

LOL Too funny! You are a nerdy little bad ass!

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Amy Lynn said...

LOL! I was a GS until I was about 15 or so... but my experience wasn't nearly as exciting as yours! And I too tried to keep it a secret, lol...

RN Mama said...

You just convinced me to take my daughter out of Girl Scouts!!

Just jokers. Did you know I am going to be an actual leader this year? It's true. And I am dreading every minute of it.

Sara said...

Do you still have the Girl Scout uniform? Or at least the sash?

I mean, you could go with the cheerleader outfit but it seems cliche and who doesn't want to put it to a grown up Girl Scout?

Oh, and thank God you learned how to smoke pot in church. I mean, what would we do without youth group?

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I got thrown out of the girl scouts..nuff said..I got my revenge by becoming a girl scout leader and urged the girls to rebel and go to the zoo..we did...and don't think any of them ever went back..ha

Helene said...

OMG, that last part made me pee in my pants a little bit!!!! That is classic!!

Thank goodness for Girl Scouts, huh? I had my daughter in GS for a little while and we both agreed it was too boring. You know it's bad when a 5-year old child is saying, "Mommy, Girl Scouts totally sucks".

Thanks for stopping by my blog!! Glad you did (nothing scares me, as you can tell!)

Cathy said...

This is amazing. I love that you snuck out to do arts and crafts! You badass.

I'm dying at the image of two girls in GS uniforms ordering shots of tequila! That is the funniest thing I've heard in a while!

kristi said...

LOL.

The Random Blogette said...

learning to smoke weed in church?! Now that is a story that I need to hear. And you will ove this, but I got kicked out of girl scouts in 5 the grade because the leader's daughter didn't like me. Yep, I was that girl! I did love being a brownie though!

And please I need to learn how to bitch slap.

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