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Last night I went over to dinner at Jen from The Battle Book's house. She is back in the US after being in Germany for 3 years. At least I think it was 3 years. Anyway, we were having some beers and catching up and talking about everything. After a little while, two other girlfriends showed up. And these days, whenever I am in a room with girls, the topic of sex is bound to come up.
We talked about my new appreciation for 69. It makes having a trifecta so much easier and saves time (we need to be as efficient as possible). We talked about our sex drives, we talked about the sex drives of the men in our lives. What I heard from the other two women surprised me. For the sake of privacy, I'll call them Nutmeg and Ginger (I was just looking up a recipe for carrot cake and now all I can think about is nutmeg and ginger). Nutmeg and Ginger are both in their mid 20's, they are both in committed, long-term relationships and neither of them want to have sex.
This blew my mind until I remembered how I was last summer. I never put out. Looking back, I don't really know why I kept my legs closed. I tried telling Nutmeg and Ginger that I was the same way once, but that having a ton of sex just makes me want to have more sex. I told them that I am starting to turn into a guy. If I don't get enough sex I get moody, I can't think straight, it becomes difficult to function at all. I told them how not having sex made Leland feel, I told them how it put a huge strain on our relationship. Nothing seemed to matter.
I realize I am not going to be able to change people's minds about sex. And I'm not really trying to do that. I guess I was just trying to understand where they were coming from so maybe I could figure out what my problem was last summer. I think I had some sort of mental block or something.
I am not saying that the no sex thing is Nutmeg's and Ginger's fault alone. I learned too much last night to know that isn't the case. Nutmeg doesn't like 69 because her man gets off first and then never finishes her off. Ginger said her man puts the moves on by dry humping her leg, which she sees has a huge turnoff. And when they do have sex, her man wants to talk about it for hours afterwards, making sure she had a good enough time. In these instances, I don't blame them for not being in the mood to shag. And if Leland was the same way there would be no way in hell that I would 69 or even consider putting out 700 times in one year.
I know Leland isn't the only guy out there who wants to please his woman, so why aren't more men doing it? We all know plenty of men who only think with their dicks, but why do they have to be dicks about the way they treat their woman in the bedroom? And maybe if they were more attentive to what their woman wants they would be getting laid more often, instead of just being stuck humping a bedpost.
And is male maturity in the bedroom something that comes with age? Or is it something that women need to teach their men? Please help me, not necessarily for my sake, but for Nutmeg and Ginger. Because no one should have such negative experiences with sex.