Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Lift Your Skirts a Little

I am all about the sisterhood of women.

When I tell people this, they usually don’t believe me. It surprises people to know that there is a woman who doesn’t feel like she needs to be in competition with another woman. For me, it’s hard enough to keep up with things I want to do for myself and for my family, I simply do not have time to worry about what other people are doing and try to keep up with them. Aren’t we supposed to be taking care of ourselves anyway? Keeping track of what other people are doing just makes me lose sight of myself.

It also surprises people to know that there is a woman who refrains from placing judgment on other people. Again, I know that there are probably hundreds of people who have judged me from one glance. I am sure this happens routinely when one of Leland’s bands is playing a show. It isn’t difficult to spot when girls are talking about you, and I am almost 100% sure that they are commenting on how someone who is so hot can be with the overweight girl. I don’t like it when people judge me so I prefer not to do that to other people.

I am not saying I am perfect at the whole non-judging thing. Admittedly there are times when negative thoughts about other women slip out of my mind. When this happens though, I really don’t like it. And then I start to feel bad.

Take for example, the word slut.

Slut. Every woman has her own, slightly varying, definition of this word. Some people base it on attitude and how they carry themselves, others base it on a woman’s level of promiscuity. Most always, people are believed to be sluts depending on what they wear. As women, it is very easy to get caught up in the judgment game. Don’t deny it; we have all done it at one time or another. We have all given a random woman a backwards glance, a glance of disapproval, a glance of disgust, simply because we did not like what she was wearing. Running through our heads, we hear the word chanting in the background, like angry men cheering on a team at a college football game. We chant slut! Slut! Slut!

Quietly at first, but gradually getting louder. Slut! Slut! Slut!

Until we can’t take it anymore and we are screaming the word in our mind. SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!

Then we pass the unknowing woman and think to ourselves at least I have class.

Right, whatever that means after we just brand a woman based solely on how she looks.

The word “slut” has many meanings and connotations. The most popular meaning refers to someone, usually women, who have many sexual partners. However, a slut can also be someone who goes out a lot at night, someone who talks easily to men, someone who is confident, and someone who likes the way her ass looks in a tight pair of jeans. With all of these definitions, it is difficult for women to escape the assertion of being a slut. It seems the only way for a woman to avoid being tagged in a negative way is to be shy, marry young, and wear loose fitting clothes.

There are many problems with judging someone based on how they dress. It is rude, elitist, and superficial. It is also a waste of time because the way a person dresses is not an accurate prediction of a person’s behavior. Different women feel comfortable wearing different attire. Just because someone is comfortable wearing a push-up bra and four inch heels does not and should not automatically make them a slut. And women who let their bra strap slip out from underneath their tank tops are not the only people who should not be judged.

This theory works for everyone.

Just because someone is wearing a flowing skirt and flip-flops does not necessarily mean she is more approachable than someone wearing a business suit. The woman in the skirt may look friendlier, but she may very well want to be left alone to do what she needs to do. Just because I dress all sweet and innocent does not mean that’s who I am on the inside.

You all know for sure that I lost my innocence a long time ago.

Please, please, please do not come up to me in the grocery store and ask to talk to me about the Bible. Please, please, please do not approach me and ask if I would like to open an account at your bank. I may look friendly, but then after I tell you that I will only listen to what you have to say if you can list the first 8 presidents in order, you then decide that I am a bitch.

And then that makes me decide that you are stupid because you can’t only NOT name the first 8 presidents, you can’t even name the first three. And like I said before, judging you just makes me feel bad about myself.

See? It can be a never-ending cycle.

It is never a good idea to judge someone on their appearance no matter how much leg they are showing.

Other than the aforementioned wearing loose clothes, there is little we can do to dissociate ourselves with the term “slut.” The best thing to do is embrace it. Be confident. The only way to end the reign of negativity among women is to decide that all women can be confident, all women can be smart, and all women can be sexy. Wear anything, get a boob job, and don’t worry about what others think. Each woman needs to do what is best for her, regardless of how others view her decisions. With any luck, we can change the way the world sees promiscuous women. If women stopped being afraid of being a slut the term will either disappear or will become a word that women see as a compliment.

There is nothing wrong with being confident, smart and sexy.

So lift your skirts a little, ladies. Let’s all be sluts.


Anonymous said...

I will admit that I at times judge other women based on how they look. But then I feel bad. The thing is, being a woman in today's world is hard. We want it all. We want to have sex as much as we want and wear what we want and not be judged. But, we are judged and we judge others. I agree, let's all feel confident, sexy, and smart - we are all of these things! LOVE this post and I completely agree! We need to have each other's backs and the only way to stop is try our hardest not to judge others.

aladdinsane12 said...

i don't think we'll ever be able to completely STOP judging other people- i'm pretty sure it's hard-wired into the human body to look at anything (a person, a situation, a location) and make a judgment. but to be able to judge in a more positive manner or a more understanding manner is definitely something i, and everybody else, can work on.

i have never really thought that just because someone is the same sex as me that there should be a sense of cameraderie between us, because i could have absolutely nothing in common with a girl except for our physical makeup. i would like to change that, though. in society, the more support people give each other, the better- and it doesn't matter who and for what reason.

Dee said...

I've also been guilty of judging someone based on their looks. I try not to though. I couldn't agree more with everything you said!

jv726 said...

I love this! I admit that I can be judgemental at times, but I have been trying to quit doing that! And even though I still catch myself judging a person from time to time I try and remember how I would feel if I were the one being judged.
I also know that people might look at me and judge me, but I let it roll off my back b/c if they aren't going to take the time to get to know me I probably don't want to know them!
I think women need to stick together!! I'm all about girl power :)

JenJen said...

Normally when I call a chick a slut it's because I wanna bone her. My husband calls me his dirty little slut. I try to take it as a compliment.

P.S. You are so totally NOT the fat girl with the hott guy. He's the band guy with the smokin' girl.

Cindi said...

First...we souldn't be jdging anyone. Yes we all do it, but that doesn't make it right. Thanks for reminding me. sounds to me like you are wanting to take the word "slut" back for women the way Meredith Brooks did with the song "Bitch." Love that song!
Here are all the words.

Together We Save said...

You are so right... we should not judge others. And as for the word "slut" I don't like it and try not to use it or allow my girls to use it....thanks again for the reminder!!

Children of the 90s said...

I'm definitely guilty of being judgmental sometimes, but I've been trying to be more conscious of it. I think girls are often raised to be competitive with one other. Sometimes competition can be healthy, but it's important to want to support each other and not just outdo each other.

Shell said...

Woohoo! Let's all be sluts! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm a slut for a lot of things, attention from my husband, a better paying job...wait. We're talking about judging right? It's on my to-do's to get better about shutting up the voice in my head.

Hey...Don't judge me.



Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

Oh, shut UP. From what I've read, slut, your man can't keep his hands OFF of you.

You're smokin. And smart. And funny. And nice. And awesome.

You're a slut of all trades. Mmmhmm. ;D

I dislike the judgy-ness. Even though I'm guilty. I hate that a lot of men think it's a totally normal girl thing. I'd rather be stereotyped as nurturing, or something. KWIM?

(Pssst...I did a mini update of the nonsense in the comments of that post. Nothing good happened, though. Time will tell. You KNOW if anything does come up, it will be blogged.)


Carma Sez said...

I'm in -- and about to order my new bellydance costume that may evoke the term you speak of ;-) - well, only if worn outside the dance setting....Love your attitude and spunk!!

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

WE shouldn't judge others by the way they dress but we are all guilty of it at one time or another.

I'll be a slut right along side of you!!! We both have hot husbands after we should be sluts for them!! :)

yellowdoggranny said...

anyone that says they dont judge people is fibbing..but its what you do after that judgement that matters..
no one in west will ask me about jesus...not after i was in communitr grocery and some one came up and put her hand on my arm and asked me if i had found jesus..i said 'fuck, is he lost again? christians need to keep better tabs on your dieties, people are always asking me if ive found him..' every time.

Anonymous said...

On behalf of women everywhere, we thank you for this well-written essay. I think this should be required reading for all teenagers.
I'm a "slut" when I want to be.


Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Wow, I liked this post!! I agree completely! I hate how I am treated differently by salesclerks in stores depending on how I am dressed. If I just shoot out of the house wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, no makeup on, I'm treated FAR worse than on the days I put a little effort into my appearance. Why do we do that?

BTW, I LOVE you "name the first eight presidents" rule. That's AWESOME!!! I'm totally using that gauge from now on!!

Thanks for this thoughtful post!

Confessions From A Work-At-Home Mom said...

You are sooo on target here. I can be a little "competitive" at times, but I've also been the target of that nastiness too. It goes both ways. As my mama always said, don't dish it out if you can't take it right back.

As for the word "slut"-- it is so often used to describe women who are self-confident, both about their mental AND physical assets. Why should that be put down? Jealousy, most likely.

Thanks for the comment love today. I'm addicted to your blog, too!

Confessions From A Working Mom

Kelly Loy Gilbert said...

This is so true, how women judge one another, and it's awful! I hear it's even worse once you have kids, and then moms are judging other moms .... Good for you for rising above it.

Sassy Chica said...

love it, love it, love it....fabulously written post...I am lifting my skirt and winking at ya girlfriend!!

Sassy Chica

Holly Lefevre said...

I have been know to judge {gasp!} but in my "more mature" years, having been working on it and examining why I am judging someone in a particular way, etc. Is it something about them that triggers some insecurity in me? We would all be better off if we could support each other a little more!

Kim said...

The word slut absolutely drives me insane! I'm not saying I'm not guilty of using that word a time or two (or more :( ) BUT the older I get the more I realize how pathetic that word is. And hurtful. And that it really is only used to show my insecurity around another person. AND I hate when people base that judgement simply around the way that person is dressing! Who hasn't dressed a little skanky every now and then?! And your right girls are horrible at hiding it when your the topic of their gossip, myself included! It's sad to me that we as women are our own worst critics!

Anonymous said...

Love it. Couldn't have said it better myself. I admit to my judgements. Of course, I love that this is centered around SLUT...which is what my best friend and I call each other. Not sure where it came from but it's stuck.

Stopping by from SITS!

~ Kay
Tickled Pink Twice
Sew, What's Next?

Intense Guy said...

I'm all for the additional skirt lifting.

...seriously, I think aladdinsane12 hits close to home with the "pre-wired" thing.

Melissa said...

This post is why I absolutely love you and wish you lived around the corner from me! Hugs Babe!

Lea C. said...

I love this post! It is so true. I think I've outgrown that now (note; think).

I also gave you an award at