Siren is coming to visit me in a few weeks. I am excited and really nervous at the same time.
Excited to see my best friend.
Nervous because of what we will be doing while she is here.
Siren is coming to visit for the sole purpose of taking me to doctor’s appointments.
I have not felt healthy in a really long time. I always just justified all of my symptoms. I wasn’t sleeping at night because Leland snores. I was tired all the time because I wasn’t sleeping. My skin was so dry because it was wintertime and I wasn’t drinking enough water. I was bruising all the time because I wasn’t getting enough iron. I was having a really hard time losing weight because I just wasn’t trying hard enough. My stomach was always unsettled because I had a poor diet. However, even when I slept in the other bedroom and couldn’t hear the snoring, I still wasn’t able to sleep. I used lotion on my dry skin and drank a gallon of water a day and my skin was still dry and scale-like. I took iron supplements and my bruising wouldn’t go away. I altered my diet and started going to the gym and still have not seen results. Even with the altered diet I still couldn’t be far from a bathroom.
In January I fell on the ice and hit my head. After a CT scan, the doctor told me I had lumps on the left side of my thyroid. I saw a few doctors, had several rounds of blood tests, even had a Fine Needle Aspirate done on the lumps. Everything came back normal. I really hoped I had some sort of thyroid disease because that would have explained all of my symptoms. Well, all of the symptoms other than the stomach issues.
Instead of investigating further, I just gave up. I still have trouble sleeping. I’m still tired. My skin is still dry, I bruise like a peach. I still can’t lose weight and I still have stomach problems. Leland and Siren have been on my case for months to see more doctors and I haven’t done it. Again, I have plenty of reasons not to go.
We can’t afford the bills (though Leland says it doesn’t matter when it comes to my health, and insurance will be paying for most of it).
I can’t take the time off of work (which we all know is a lie. If my boss lets me drink at lunch he’ll let me take time off to see doctors).
The doctor already said nothing was wrong with me so it would be a waste of time and money (though really, just because one doctor didn’t find something doesn’t mean another would be unsuccessful).
Apparently Leland and Siren have been conspiring against me for some time. They decided to tag team the nagging and thought that I might actually listen if they both were telling me how concerned they are. Of course I was listening, but I have been too scared to do anything. Ignorance is bliss, right?
Last week Siren called and told me she was coming to take me to doctors. She even made all the appointments for me. In the 4 days she’ll be here, she is taking me to see an endocrinologist, a metabolic specialist, a hematologist and we will be going to a woman’s wellness center. It will be a whirlwind of doctors, but hopefully I will finally start to get some answers. I know there will most likely be follow up appointments that Siren will not be able to attend with me, but having her come up and drag me around to help me get better is a great way to start.
I know that if she wasn’t coming, it would be a really, really long time before I do it by myself. And since Leland lives with me, I could put him off forever, and would try like hell to actually do that.
I’m still scared and worried. I know I will be scared and worried until this is all over.
How lucky am I that I have a friend who is willing to fly 1000 miles to try and help me get healthy?