I am a little embarrassed today.
No, I didn't do something regretful this weekend.
Well, maybe I did.
Remeber when I wrote the post about the things I learned in Girl Scouts? Remember when I admitted to all of you that I was a Girl Scout until I graduated high school?
Well, if you didn't know, it's Girl Scout cookie time. I usually have a family member or child of a friend that I order from, but this year no one came knocking on my door. So when RN Mama posted a giveaway on her blog that would win me 3 boxes of cookies, I just had to participate. I did whatever I could to win those cookies, even sending her a picture of myself in my Girl Scout uniform when I was 15!
Yes people. The proof that I was a major nerd in high school is hanging out at RN Mama today. Go take a look.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Tales from my Twenties
In June I will be turning 30. I’m sort of looking forward to it, excited for all of the things a new decade in my life will bring. My 20’s were amazing. I had fun nearly every single day. I had all sorts of new experiences. I got myself into all kinds of trouble. My 20’s were pure magic.
Though I have faith that my 30’s will be even better, I have decided that my 20’s should receive a proper farewell. So please indulge me for the next 4 months as I tell you some of the best tales from my twenties.
I Have Yet ANOTHER Accident
Wednesday started off as just another day at work. I was dead tired because I didn’t sleep well the night before. I was having one of those days where I felt like I shouldn’t even get out of bed. But duty calls, so I got my ass up and went into work.
It was a normal day for all of two hours.
And then my sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted brain decided to get on the forklift.
Sometimes I am a really big idiot and don’t think about what I am doing. This was one of those times. If I was thinking about what I was doing I would have turned around while I was backing up, instead of just putting the forklift in reverse and stepping on the gas.
No, I didn’t hit another person. I didn’t injure anyone.
But I did hit the furnace that was hanging from the ceiling and cause a massive gas leak.
My boss called 911 and we were told to evacuate the building. When emergency responders showed up, they had to evacuate the entire building. So, because of me, there were dozens of people standing outside in the 6 degree temps, freezing their asses off. A few of us were smart (surprisingly I was one of the smart ones) and decided to wait in our cars until we were given the ok to go back in the building, but for the most part people were freezing outside. Some of them even decided to evacuate the building without grabbing coats.
I sat in my car and waited. Finally a police officer came to talk to me because I needed to file an accident report. It was all professional and boring until he asked me one question.
"Do you get in accidents like this a lot?"
It seems even strangers can tell how accident prone I am.
After laughing to myself I said, “Well, not exactly like this one, but yes.”
When I told Leland what happened he said, “Yeah, that sounds like something you would do.”
After a while we were allowed to go back into the building. It was a little warmer inside, but not by much because the fire department couldn’t tell which gas valve was for my particular unit so they had to turn off the gas for the whole building. And then they had to turn off the electricity.
From 10am until 2:30pm, no business in the entire building was able to operate. We didn’t have heat or electricity for over 4 hours.
All because of me.
I love being the cause of so much chaos.
Though I have faith that my 30’s will be even better, I have decided that my 20’s should receive a proper farewell. So please indulge me for the next 4 months as I tell you some of the best tales from my twenties.
I Have Yet ANOTHER Accident
Wednesday started off as just another day at work. I was dead tired because I didn’t sleep well the night before. I was having one of those days where I felt like I shouldn’t even get out of bed. But duty calls, so I got my ass up and went into work.
It was a normal day for all of two hours.
And then my sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted brain decided to get on the forklift.
Sometimes I am a really big idiot and don’t think about what I am doing. This was one of those times. If I was thinking about what I was doing I would have turned around while I was backing up, instead of just putting the forklift in reverse and stepping on the gas.
No, I didn’t hit another person. I didn’t injure anyone.
But I did hit the furnace that was hanging from the ceiling and cause a massive gas leak.
My boss called 911 and we were told to evacuate the building. When emergency responders showed up, they had to evacuate the entire building. So, because of me, there were dozens of people standing outside in the 6 degree temps, freezing their asses off. A few of us were smart (surprisingly I was one of the smart ones) and decided to wait in our cars until we were given the ok to go back in the building, but for the most part people were freezing outside. Some of them even decided to evacuate the building without grabbing coats.
I sat in my car and waited. Finally a police officer came to talk to me because I needed to file an accident report. It was all professional and boring until he asked me one question.
"Do you get in accidents like this a lot?"
It seems even strangers can tell how accident prone I am.
After laughing to myself I said, “Well, not exactly like this one, but yes.”
When I told Leland what happened he said, “Yeah, that sounds like something you would do.”
After a while we were allowed to go back into the building. It was a little warmer inside, but not by much because the fire department couldn’t tell which gas valve was for my particular unit so they had to turn off the gas for the whole building. And then they had to turn off the electricity.
From 10am until 2:30pm, no business in the entire building was able to operate. We didn’t have heat or electricity for over 4 hours.
All because of me.
I love being the cause of so much chaos.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Humpity Hump
Last night Leland and I were laying in bed, discussing sex. Really, it actually is all we talk about anymore. As of today, with the new year of sex, we are 15 times behind.
Leland blames me for this.
I can hardly blame him. I am the one who bleeds from my vagina for 5 days every month. And as it turns out, this month I have a cold sore on my lip and am bleeding from my vagina at the exact same time.
So I am pretty much useless.
Leland tells me I need to get a stunt double.
Apparently if I had a stunt double, banging out 700 times will be easy. Since he is always ready to go, and I seem to be the person in the mix who keeps setting us behind, obviously a stunt double is necessary.
We all remember last year’s great failure. We all remember the precious time we lost because I just had to go rollerblading. We all remember the yeast infection in my butthole (oh, you forgot about that? You were trying to erase that from your memory? Never fear, I will always be here to help you remember things you subliminally blocked from your memory). And I was the one who got lazy at the end of the year and just decided to stop trying. Leland, however, never got tired of it. He never had anything happen that kept him from performing. Leland is ready to have sex 700 times in one year, and then also be some other guy’s stunt double for the same exercise.
Leland has very few requirements for my stunt double. Or cunt double, if you will.
She must be a she.
She must be disease free.
She must not be on the same menstruation cycle as me.
And she must be willing to spread her legs whenever HE is ready and able.
Oh, and she must do this for free, because we are broke and cannot afford to pay her.
Sounds like a sweet deal, right?
(Is this too much? Am I taking this too far? No? Then let’s go further)
I THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA.
If only there was some girl out there whose main goal in life was to be my stunt double. It would make my life a whole lot easier. And it might give me time to read a few good books this year.
Leland blames me for this.
I can hardly blame him. I am the one who bleeds from my vagina for 5 days every month. And as it turns out, this month I have a cold sore on my lip and am bleeding from my vagina at the exact same time.
So I am pretty much useless.
Leland tells me I need to get a stunt double.
Apparently if I had a stunt double, banging out 700 times will be easy. Since he is always ready to go, and I seem to be the person in the mix who keeps setting us behind, obviously a stunt double is necessary.
We all remember last year’s great failure. We all remember the precious time we lost because I just had to go rollerblading. We all remember the yeast infection in my butthole (oh, you forgot about that? You were trying to erase that from your memory? Never fear, I will always be here to help you remember things you subliminally blocked from your memory). And I was the one who got lazy at the end of the year and just decided to stop trying. Leland, however, never got tired of it. He never had anything happen that kept him from performing. Leland is ready to have sex 700 times in one year, and then also be some other guy’s stunt double for the same exercise.
Leland has very few requirements for my stunt double. Or cunt double, if you will.
She must be a she.
She must be disease free.
She must not be on the same menstruation cycle as me.
And she must be willing to spread her legs whenever HE is ready and able.
Oh, and she must do this for free, because we are broke and cannot afford to pay her.
Sounds like a sweet deal, right?
(Is this too much? Am I taking this too far? No? Then let’s go further)
I THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA.
If only there was some girl out there whose main goal in life was to be my stunt double. It would make my life a whole lot easier. And it might give me time to read a few good books this year.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A Weekend Getaway
Leland and I had the most amazing weekend in Marquette, MI.
As most of you know, I don’t *do* winter. I loathe it. It turns me into a mean and nasty person. It makes me whine and cry and act really pathetic. My attitude makes Leland want to run and hide. He cannot handle me during the winter months. So you can just imagine our surprise when I was happy and relaxed and enjoyed my weekend even farther up north where there is a ton more snow.
At least there is more snow there right now, but I am sure that won’t be the case when we get the 24 inches of snow that the weatherman keeps threatening.
The weekend was all kinds of wonderful. The groom’s parents rented a coach bus for all of the out of town guests heading up for the wedding. So instead of having to deal with the long drive, we were able to sit back, relax, drink a ton of beer, and have fun with the other people on the bus. At some point during the trip I was loaded enough to think it was a good idea to call the hotel and ask for a room upgrade.
And boy I am glad I did.
Leland and I spent the weekend in a huge suite with a Jacuzzi in the bathroom. I know I don’t need to be specific about what we did all weekend! Unlike the other people who were anxious to spend the extra time out at bars, Leland and I spent the weekend in our room. We took lots of long bubble baths, we drank wine, we played card games. We did a ton of relaxing.
The wedding was beautiful and the reception was so much fun. I think I danced the entire night. I think. There was an open bar so I can’t be too sure. You know how too much alcohol can make you brown out….
Everything was wonderful.
The only thing that was not awesome was the 6 inch heels I decided to wear. They were a big mistake. What was I thinking? I am the klutz supreme. I should have known better than to buy 6 inch heels! They did look really hot though!
As most of you know, I don’t *do* winter. I loathe it. It turns me into a mean and nasty person. It makes me whine and cry and act really pathetic. My attitude makes Leland want to run and hide. He cannot handle me during the winter months. So you can just imagine our surprise when I was happy and relaxed and enjoyed my weekend even farther up north where there is a ton more snow.
At least there is more snow there right now, but I am sure that won’t be the case when we get the 24 inches of snow that the weatherman keeps threatening.
The weekend was all kinds of wonderful. The groom’s parents rented a coach bus for all of the out of town guests heading up for the wedding. So instead of having to deal with the long drive, we were able to sit back, relax, drink a ton of beer, and have fun with the other people on the bus. At some point during the trip I was loaded enough to think it was a good idea to call the hotel and ask for a room upgrade.
And boy I am glad I did.
Leland and I spent the weekend in a huge suite with a Jacuzzi in the bathroom. I know I don’t need to be specific about what we did all weekend! Unlike the other people who were anxious to spend the extra time out at bars, Leland and I spent the weekend in our room. We took lots of long bubble baths, we drank wine, we played card games. We did a ton of relaxing.
The wedding was beautiful and the reception was so much fun. I think I danced the entire night. I think. There was an open bar so I can’t be too sure. You know how too much alcohol can make you brown out….
Everything was wonderful.
The only thing that was not awesome was the 6 inch heels I decided to wear. They were a big mistake. What was I thinking? I am the klutz supreme. I should have known better than to buy 6 inch heels! They did look really hot though!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
My Boring Life
My life is really boring right now.
But you know what? I am so ok with boring.
I haven't been blogging because nothing interesting is happening. When people ask me what's new, the answer is always the same: nothing.
In the past few weeks since Leland and I have had nothing going on, I have realized that I really like my boring life. I like going to work, going to the gym, and then coming home and making dinner with Leland, followed by some cut-throat games of Mario Kart Wii. On the weekends we have been staying in, maybe having a few friends over to play some games. Though those times are fun, I don't really get any good stories out of them. They are just some relaxing evenings spent inside.
We are getting ready to go out of town for the weekend for a wedding and last night Leland was coloring my hair. We were getting a little annoyed with each other because I thought he didn't know what he was doing and he thought I was being bossy, but even through the tension, I enjoyed doing nothing with him. I liked that we were together, just being us, and not really doing anything all that cool or exciting. And though we have a very long list of things we need to do tonight before we leave tomorrow morning, I am looking forward to doing chores with Leland. It will just be us, living our boring life, and I am very ok with that.
But you know what? I am so ok with boring.
I haven't been blogging because nothing interesting is happening. When people ask me what's new, the answer is always the same: nothing.
In the past few weeks since Leland and I have had nothing going on, I have realized that I really like my boring life. I like going to work, going to the gym, and then coming home and making dinner with Leland, followed by some cut-throat games of Mario Kart Wii. On the weekends we have been staying in, maybe having a few friends over to play some games. Though those times are fun, I don't really get any good stories out of them. They are just some relaxing evenings spent inside.
We are getting ready to go out of town for the weekend for a wedding and last night Leland was coloring my hair. We were getting a little annoyed with each other because I thought he didn't know what he was doing and he thought I was being bossy, but even through the tension, I enjoyed doing nothing with him. I liked that we were together, just being us, and not really doing anything all that cool or exciting. And though we have a very long list of things we need to do tonight before we leave tomorrow morning, I am looking forward to doing chores with Leland. It will just be us, living our boring life, and I am very ok with that.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Hump Day Hangover
If you want to know what this is about click here.
It is a sad day here in Hump Day Land.
Though our year isn’t quite up, Leland and I are admitting defeat.
Having sex 700 times in one year was impossible for us. Though we think we gave it a good try, it just wasn’t possible for us to do. Hell, it may not be possible for anyone to do. Having that much sex was HARD.
We forced ourselves to do it even when we didn’t want to. We would spend days humping like rabbits just to try and catch up. But with only a month left and only having had sex 331 times, we aren’t going to try to fool ourselves into thinking that we can have sex 369 times in one month. So this is me admitting that we couldn’t do it.
But not for lack of trying….
My life has been one long string of impromptu decisions, and the decision to give this a try was made without any thought or planning. We just jumped in the sack and didn’t give it much thought. If only I knew then what I know now…..
Now I know that having sex 2 times a day really is difficult, and if we want to be successful we really need to get a good start. Last February we started and then a week later Leland went out of town for work. If this is going to work, there can be no getting behind, we have to stay ahead of the game.
I also know that after a few months, I will get bored, so to keep it exciting, we need more rules that just to have sex twice a day. I think now we need a sort of checklist. You know, places to do it, positions we want to try, that sort of thing. That way when it does get boring, and it will, we will have some fun and different things to try.
And being so stressed about it didn’t work for us either. Though reaching 700 was the ultimate goal, having our sex be strictly about the goal wasn’t fun either. If I knew then what I know now, I would be more focused on the sex than the number.
There are a lot of reasons that the challenge didn’t work out. Lack of planning, a broken pelvis, the worlds worst yeast infection, Leland’s traveling…..I could go on and on, but I know you don’t want to hear about that.
All you really want to hear is that now that I know all of these things we are going to try again.
And we are. Of course we are!
If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.
So as of Saturday, January 22, we are starting over.
We have a position of the day book.
We have a good sex bible.
We have everything we learned in the last year.
And after a long sex break, we will be back in the habit in a few days.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
It is Leland's Birthday Today.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST MAN ALIVE!!!!
(Ok, neither of us really think he is the greatest man alive, we just joke about it.)
Though I do think he is pretty awesome most of the time.
Today is Leland’s birthday. He is 30.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LELAND!!!!!!!!!!
He is having a hard time with his whole turning 30 business, so I thought I would come to all of you for help.
Please leave me comments telling Leland about at least one awesome thing about being in your 30’s. And if you aren’t 30 yet, let Leland know what you are looking forward to when you get there.
(Ok, neither of us really think he is the greatest man alive, we just joke about it.)
Though I do think he is pretty awesome most of the time.
Today is Leland’s birthday. He is 30.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LELAND!!!!!!!!!!
He is having a hard time with his whole turning 30 business, so I thought I would come to all of you for help.
Please leave me comments telling Leland about at least one awesome thing about being in your 30’s. And if you aren’t 30 yet, let Leland know what you are looking forward to when you get there.
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