Lies Barbie Told Me

When Hot Husband and I moved in together, I was in shock. I was sincerely surprised that our life together wasn’t exactly like the life I made for Barbie and Ken in my childhood fantasies. Barbie and Ken never fought. They had ravenous sex every day, probably because when I was young I had a difficult time finding the right dialogue for lovers, but I always knew that lovers had a lot of sex. Occasionally they went to work, but because Barbie’s mansion was so much fun to play with, Barbie spent most of her time at home. In real life, fights occurred, sex was rare, and Hot Husband and I actually had to work on a daily basis. It wasn’t until we bought our house that I realized maybe Barbie dolls aren’t the best toys for little girls to play with.

We bought our house in the spring. While looking, we came across a moderately sized cape cod that we fell in love with instantly. The hardwood floors, updated bathroom and the 12 foot bar in the basement were hard to resist. Built in 1932, the house has a lot of history that was very intriguing. We loved the long, oversized driveway and imagined all the parties we could have. No one would have to park on the street. It was no where near the size of Barbie’s mansion, but I figured I could do without the elevator. If we had looked at the house in the winter, perhaps the view would have been different. It is possible the weather could have shown us something else, something we were blind to in the pleasant days of June.

The shocking realization did not occur until the sizzling days of summer made way into a classic Chicago winter. Snow began to fall. It was at this point we understood that the driveway where everyone parked when we entertained in the summer was going to need to be shoveled. All 180 feet of it. I don't know about you, but my Barbie NEVER shoveled a driveway. Trying to be positive, I keep telling myself that shoveling is my new cardio. There is no need to pay for a gym membership as long as it keeps snowing. The only problem is I already have a gym membership. And since the snow keeps falling, I have no time to go to the gym. I pay forty dollars a month and can’t even make my money worth it.

Every time it snows, Hot Husband and I try to make up new ways to keep shoveling fun and exciting. Occasionally we drink heavily before we head out to find the shovels. Sometimes we race in exchange for backrubs. However, none of the ideas make the reality of shoveling any better. The only thing that works is knowing that one more day of shoveling brings us one more day closer to spring.