Monday, July 25, 2011

The Return of the In-laws

Last week I hinted about Leland’s parents being back in the picture. Until a few weeks ago, we hadn’t spoken to them in 4 years. If you want a quick catch up on what went down, go here and here.

On June 30th Leland’s dad was in a motorcycle accident.

According to witnesses and the police report, Edward was swerving between traffic, squeezed between two cars that were stopped at a red light and then proceeded to go through the red light. In other words, the asshole had it coming. He was hit on his right side by one car and then another car hit him as he was knocked off his bike. He had to be airlifted to a hospital.

Edward fractured his skull, beat up his face, fractured his tailbone and shattered his right leg. The doctors think he will need more than a dozen surgeries to put his leg back together. When he was first admitted to the hospital doctors weren’t sure that he was even going to survive. So this is the second time he has come back from the dead. How many lives does this man have?

The night after the accident Leland and I were sitting on our deck, drinking beer and talking about his family. Leland’s initial reaction to hearing about the accident was….nondescript. He didn’t seem to care that much. But after talking for a while, we decided that we would take the 3 hour drive and visit his dad in the hospital. At this point, it was still very possible that this would be the last chance for Leland to see his father alive. Leland wanted to see him to have some sort of closure. On the fourth of July, we went.

I don’t even know how to explain how we felt about this situation….

We drove to his parents’ house first to pick up his mother and take her with us to the hospital. She cried and hugged us both. I tried not to roll my eyes when she was being all sad. And it took A LOT for me to hug her back. Leland and his mom made small talk on the way to the hospital as I sat in the back seat trying not to be annoyed by the situation.

It was a very surreal day. Seeing Edward made Leland angry. He has been dealing with all of these negative feelings for so long and I think seeing his dad again made them even more real. Though Edward was still in an induced coma, he was very mildly responsive. At this point, 5 days after the accident, he was in the clear and is expected to make a full recovery. Leland was able to say what he has been waiting 4 years to say, but we know Edward doesn’t remember anything. Leland still thinks he is a bastard and still doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.

On the way back to his parents’ house from the hospital Leland and his mom finally talked about the real issues. They fought, they got mad, they somehow made some progress. She apologized to both of us. She hugged both of us again. And then we went home. They have talked once since the 4th, and I am sure there will be more phone calls.

However, this is not a reconciliation. Fuck that. At this point I don’t even know if that is possible. Leland is in no hurry to patch things up with his family. And neither am I.


Anonymous said...

I had a SHITTY relationship with my father and when he was sick and dying he was still an asshole to me in the hospital. I took my 3 year old son (whom he ignored since birth) and left and never looked back. When my sister called to tell me "he has 24-48 hours", I stayed home. I went for his funeral (more as support for my sister) but to this day I will still say he was a miserable, sick bastard.

Dollface said...

Well Im glad you are doing the right thing. But of course its hard to let go of angry feelings. I know you will do what is best! Missed ya! xxoo

Austin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carma Sez said...

oooops ! always fun when I comment as my son :D

Yep, take it very very slow....chances are they will revert to old behaviors once the 'crisis' is over.

My dad is a non-talker and has barely said anything to us in close to 2 years now; he gets pissed over the tiniest of things...

Had the fun of living with that all through my childhood - YAY!!! I can totally relate and feel for your both.

Carma Sez said...

meaning "you" both - sorry to clutter up the comments this morning!

Intense Guy said...

Goodness - what agony Leland must live in... and as his soulmate and team partner you do to.

It seems like this sort of accident (totally dumb thing to do) should have "finished" the guy off - and it didn't... so does that have a "deeper meaning"? Does this mean it wasn't "his time to go" or does it just mean the "devil" won this round and he is left here on the planet to torment you two some more?

*Hugs* A couple things for sure:

1) Even if the dad should win a Darwin Award - there was some good in his genetic material that resulted in Leland...

2) Your reaction - the driving to the hospital and dealing with the mother - took real character... and I'm glad to know you... 'cause you are so worth knowing.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

wow. (read the old ones too!)
I'm sorry you & Leland have to go through all this shit.

Sometimes I think I am very lucky because my husband is an only child and his parents passed away very young. So we only have drama from my family - which is bad me! I love that he deals with them because I can barely do it.

Liz Mays said...

It's so hard to let go of old hurts and pains. I have one that I just don't know if I can get past either, so I totally understand.

But nonetheless, it was a wonderful thing that he visited him in spite of his anger.

Queen B said...

aw, man, that is brutal! Was reading the back story... families are crazy, that is what I've decided. I LOVE mine, but my semi-husband's (we're in the process of divorcing?) are so hit and miss, they drive me nuts. I'm not sure what your family situation is, but I've always found it harder to see a dysfunctional when mine is so solid. Good luck to y'all as you evaluate what all this means and move forward in whatever direction feels right. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

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