I remember when Leland and I were dating, everyone would ask me when we were going to get engaged. I really didn't know how to answer that question, so I would sort of sidestep it and maybe just reply with "Soon." Around our 3rd or 4th year of dating, it seemed all of my friends were getting married. At every single bridal shower and bachelorette party, someone would ask me when it was going to be my turn. Well, how the hell am I supposed to know? If I knew when we were going to be married then this would probably be my bridal shower. But I didn't know. I knew it was eventually going to happen, but I also knew that Leland did things slowly and it was going to take a little longer than I liked. Every time someone asked me that question it made me feel bad.
When Leland and I got engaged, I was so happy people would stop asking me when we were going to get married. I was elated. Now everyone knew it was happening and they could leave me alone. Little did I know that happy feeling of people leaving me alone, of not having to constantly be badgered, of not having people intrude into my personal business was going to be short lived.
I am married now. And you all know what comes next.
Now people are always asking me, "So, when are you going to have a baby?"
Again, I don't know how to answer this question. I was at a baby shower on Saturday and I knew I was going to be bombarded with a ton of people asking me the question. I tried to prepare myself as much as possible. I asked my mom, sisters and friends for advice. What do I say?
Do I just say "Wow, that's a personal question," and walk away?
Or do I say "We're having too much fun right now to even think about that."
Or maybe I just leave it at "When we are ready."
Possibly I should have said "When it happens, you'll be the first to know."
Naturally, when I was at the shower and the question was posed, I froze. I didn't know what to say. All of my preparing went out the window. Though I knew it was coming, I was surprised that so many people thought it was an appropriate question to ask. It is not an appropriate question to ask.
There are so many factors that come in to play with having a baby. Things like time, finances, personal development, relationship development, even biology. There are tons of women who decide the time is right but then have trouble conceiving. Why would anyone ask that question knowing that not all women are uber fertile? There are a ton of reasons that can make it difficult for a woman to get pregnant and a ton of reasons to make it difficult for a woman to stay pregnant. Why don't people think about things like this before they ask the very personal question? Not only is the question personal, but just asking it makes me feel small.
I am so happy for my friend who is pregnant with twins so please just let me be happy for her. I know there are a lot of people who must "keep up with the Jones's," but I am not one of them. I would much rather just keep up with myself. And right now, a baby is not in the near future. Please don't feel bad for me because I am not pregnant. I am happy with the way my life is, I am happy with all of the fun things Leland and I are doing that keep us so busy. I know a baby is in our future, but right now I am happy with it being the two of us.
And trust me, when it does happen, you will all be the very first to know. Until then, please stop asking.