Leland is a metalhead.
Urban Dictionary describes a metalhead as a fan of heavy metal music, who hates the mainstream and generally does whatever the hell he/she wants and is his/her own person
How to identify a metalhead: long hair, black leather jacket, denim jacket often with patches bearing band logos sown in, tshirt bearing a metal band's name, however, these are not necessary, because true metal lies in the soul.
This desctription matches Leland perfectly. He has long hair, he wears a black leather jacket, and he has approximately 4,354,712 band tshirts. And he also does whatever the hell he wants, like listening to Hall & Oates.
That's right folks. Not only does Leland listen to Hall & Oates, he actually dances to them by himself in the kitchen.
Last night as I was making dinner, Leland went to the computer and started playing Kiss On My List. He was smiling and happy and doing quite possibly the most ridiculous dance moves I have ever seen. When I started laughing at him he said, "hold on, I get to do the backups in a second." And then he started singing the backup vocals. But not just singing, he really meant it. My kiss is on his list.
Or actually, John Oates's kiss his on his list, because when I asked him which guy he would do, he said "Oh, John Oates for sure. I just can't get enough of that 'stache."
Yes, we actually have conversations about what guys Leland would go gay for. And apparently John Oates makes the cut.
For your listening pleasure:
I think the song just asks for people to do ridiculous dance moves.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
No Bones About It
For most of the summer, Leland has had a squirrel head hanging from the basketball hoop in our backyard. Though most of you already know, I’ll say it one more time just for shits and giggles: Leland loves dead things.
Last winter he found a dead squirrel in our yard. It was a completely intact dead squirrel until Leland got his hands on it. He just needed to add another skull to his collection, so he cut off the squirrel’s head with his pocket knife, sealed the head in a plastic container, and then put the container in our freezer. He wanted to preserve the head until summer came so the flies and maggots could speed up the decomposition process.
Yes, every time I opened my freezer to get some meat or veggies, I had to look at the squirrel head.
When summer came, Leland took the head out of the freezer and hung it in an old bird feeder to feed to the flies. Every day Leland would check out the decomposition progress. But it wasn’t enough for him to be the only one checking out the progress, he constantly needed me to be looking at it too. He was pumped when the eyeballs went missing and needed to show me the empty eye sockets. Often times he would just say “there are a ton of flies on the squirrel head, you need to come see them.”
Needless to say, it was a long process and one that I didn’t particularly enjoy. Though it was slow going, the squirrel head is now just a skull.
Now Leland will be taking it out of the bird feeder and moving it into the house. His collection of dead things is getting to be too big for the small shelf he keeps it on now. I fear that one day he will have an entire display case of dead things and skulls that he will keep in our dining room. We will be the people who have skulls on display in the DINING ROOM. Because who wouldn’t want to eat with skulls staring at them? We will be that couple. You know, the couple you always whisper about for being so damn weird and you wonder why they just can’t be normal.
Oh well, it was bound to happen some day.
I’ll start clearing off the bookcase in the dining room soon.
Last winter he found a dead squirrel in our yard. It was a completely intact dead squirrel until Leland got his hands on it. He just needed to add another skull to his collection, so he cut off the squirrel’s head with his pocket knife, sealed the head in a plastic container, and then put the container in our freezer. He wanted to preserve the head until summer came so the flies and maggots could speed up the decomposition process.
Yes, every time I opened my freezer to get some meat or veggies, I had to look at the squirrel head.
When summer came, Leland took the head out of the freezer and hung it in an old bird feeder to feed to the flies. Every day Leland would check out the decomposition progress. But it wasn’t enough for him to be the only one checking out the progress, he constantly needed me to be looking at it too. He was pumped when the eyeballs went missing and needed to show me the empty eye sockets. Often times he would just say “there are a ton of flies on the squirrel head, you need to come see them.”
Needless to say, it was a long process and one that I didn’t particularly enjoy. Though it was slow going, the squirrel head is now just a skull.
Now Leland will be taking it out of the bird feeder and moving it into the house. His collection of dead things is getting to be too big for the small shelf he keeps it on now. I fear that one day he will have an entire display case of dead things and skulls that he will keep in our dining room. We will be the people who have skulls on display in the DINING ROOM. Because who wouldn’t want to eat with skulls staring at them? We will be that couple. You know, the couple you always whisper about for being so damn weird and you wonder why they just can’t be normal.
Oh well, it was bound to happen some day.
I’ll start clearing off the bookcase in the dining room soon.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
It's Not Just About Selling Cookies, It's All About the Life Lessons
When I was a young girl, I was very active in Girl Scouts.
Truth be told, I was very active in Girl Scouts even when I wasn’t so young. I was actually a Girl Scout until I was 17. (Don't tell anyone. This is a big secret!)
I loved it. Every single minute of it. The meetings, the badges, even selling cookies. Ok, not selling cookies. But I did it anyway. The only reason I wasn’t a nerd in high school is because no one knew I was still a Girl Scout. I was very good at keeping it a secret. Plus, I was a cheerleader and that helped me cover up my nerdy side. Yes, Leland is tagging a cheerleader and a Girl Scout. What a lucky, lucky man!
But being a Girl Scout helped make me who I am today, and had I quit at the appropriate age like most of the girls I know, I would never have learned many valuable lessons.
For instance, it was because of Girl Scouts that I learned to properly slap someone across the face. I don’t mean a girly, light slap. I mean a full hand, open palm bitch slap. Tiffany was my then best friend and we were fighting about something that I can’t remember all these years later. When she slapped me across the face, my reaction was to slap her back. She looked at me and said, “Wow, that didn’t hurt at all. This is how you do it.”
And then she proceeded to teach me to bitch slap someone, and even let me practice on her. That’s what friends are for, right?
I also learned how to sneak out. When I was 15 I went to Central Mexico with a bunch of other GS’s. We stayed at a GS run facility, and every night we would get locked in our dorms. That didn’t stop my friend Angela and I from noticing there was a bathroom window that didn’t close all the way. We snuck out most nights and then broke into the arts and crafts building to work on whatever projects we felt like doing that night. Yes, GS also taught me the fine art of a B&E. Though I snuck out to do arts and crafts. That's not very hard core AT ALL.
On that same trip, I was introduced to tequila. This was the start of my love/hate relationship with tequila. Like Frank the Tank says in Old School, “once it hits your lips it’s so good.” While in Mexico, I sprained my ankle. The doctor I went to put me in a cast and gave me crutches. It was not easy to get around. So while we were on our day trips, Angela and I would head to a cantina and belly up to the bar while everyone else was out sightseeing. Even in a GS uniform we were both still able to order shot after shot of tequila. It was then that I also experienced my first hangover.
I have never had tequila that good again.
I was just going to include learning to smoke weed from Girl Scouts, but then I remembered I learned how to do that at CHURCH.
Truth be told, I was very active in Girl Scouts even when I wasn’t so young. I was actually a Girl Scout until I was 17. (Don't tell anyone. This is a big secret!)
I loved it. Every single minute of it. The meetings, the badges, even selling cookies. Ok, not selling cookies. But I did it anyway. The only reason I wasn’t a nerd in high school is because no one knew I was still a Girl Scout. I was very good at keeping it a secret. Plus, I was a cheerleader and that helped me cover up my nerdy side. Yes, Leland is tagging a cheerleader and a Girl Scout. What a lucky, lucky man!
But being a Girl Scout helped make me who I am today, and had I quit at the appropriate age like most of the girls I know, I would never have learned many valuable lessons.
For instance, it was because of Girl Scouts that I learned to properly slap someone across the face. I don’t mean a girly, light slap. I mean a full hand, open palm bitch slap. Tiffany was my then best friend and we were fighting about something that I can’t remember all these years later. When she slapped me across the face, my reaction was to slap her back. She looked at me and said, “Wow, that didn’t hurt at all. This is how you do it.”
And then she proceeded to teach me to bitch slap someone, and even let me practice on her. That’s what friends are for, right?
I also learned how to sneak out. When I was 15 I went to Central Mexico with a bunch of other GS’s. We stayed at a GS run facility, and every night we would get locked in our dorms. That didn’t stop my friend Angela and I from noticing there was a bathroom window that didn’t close all the way. We snuck out most nights and then broke into the arts and crafts building to work on whatever projects we felt like doing that night. Yes, GS also taught me the fine art of a B&E. Though I snuck out to do arts and crafts. That's not very hard core AT ALL.
On that same trip, I was introduced to tequila. This was the start of my love/hate relationship with tequila. Like Frank the Tank says in Old School, “once it hits your lips it’s so good.” While in Mexico, I sprained my ankle. The doctor I went to put me in a cast and gave me crutches. It was not easy to get around. So while we were on our day trips, Angela and I would head to a cantina and belly up to the bar while everyone else was out sightseeing. Even in a GS uniform we were both still able to order shot after shot of tequila. It was then that I also experienced my first hangover.
I have never had tequila that good again.
I was just going to include learning to smoke weed from Girl Scouts, but then I remembered I learned how to do that at CHURCH.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
And We're Back -- Hump Day Hangover
If you want to know what this is about click here.
Leland gave me some alarming news and stats today. While I was at work and trying very hard to do my job (not really, but it sounds better than trying not to watch the clock), Leland sent me some texts.
The first one said: We have 165 days left (for the challenge) and 532 times to go. That means starting right now we need to have sex 3.25 times a day every single day to reach our goal.
The second one said: And that means 200 days into our adventure we’ve only had sex 168 times.
So basically what Leland said to me is that we are failing. Miserably. And that we REALLY need to get busy.
I refuse to give up and have this be just one more thing that I say I will do and then never follow through with. I guess I just thought that a year is a long time and catching up wouldn’t be a problem. Thank goddess Leland is a realist and pointed out the facts. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, believe me, I do. The problem is that there isn’t always time. Or I have my period, or Leland is sick, or we have a weekend long wedding and we are never alone. It has come to the point where we need to make time. We need to stop being so social and just lock ourselves in the house for a few weeks.
When we started so many people thought twice a day was a lot. Now we are looking at at least 3 times a day. Good thing I have been eating a lot of yogurt.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Negative Nelly
Leland and I are in a rut.
And Leland has been sporting a very negative attitude lately and it’s driving me bonkers. Yes, I know we have debt. Yes, I know work is sucking. Yes, I know there are a thousand other things going on that he thinks are a big deal. I just choose to not let it all bring me down. I deal with it one thing at a time and do my best to be a positive person. I know Leland isn’t like that. He has never really been a positive person. And now it’s really starting to irk me. I don’t know what to do about it. When I try to cheer him up, he just gets worse and then it brings me down.
Like last night. When we were loading groceries into the back of the Element Leland noticed that a bag of overnight toiletries had leaked a little onto the car. It’s an Element, the flooring is some sort of plastic, it wipes right off. But Leland couldn’t see that. Instead, he saw a huge mess that would take a ton of time to clean. To him it was the biggest deal in the world. I tried to make him laugh and realize how silly he was being, but it only worked for a second because then he was telling me that he was sure the dog had made some sort of mess in the house and he was ALREADY mad at the dog, even though he didn’t even know if the dog was bad yet.
He was just determined to be in a bad mood.
And has hard as I tried, nothing was working. Instead of cheering him up, he just ended up making me feel shitty.
And he is continuing with it today and I don’t know what to do about it.
And Leland has been sporting a very negative attitude lately and it’s driving me bonkers. Yes, I know we have debt. Yes, I know work is sucking. Yes, I know there are a thousand other things going on that he thinks are a big deal. I just choose to not let it all bring me down. I deal with it one thing at a time and do my best to be a positive person. I know Leland isn’t like that. He has never really been a positive person. And now it’s really starting to irk me. I don’t know what to do about it. When I try to cheer him up, he just gets worse and then it brings me down.
Like last night. When we were loading groceries into the back of the Element Leland noticed that a bag of overnight toiletries had leaked a little onto the car. It’s an Element, the flooring is some sort of plastic, it wipes right off. But Leland couldn’t see that. Instead, he saw a huge mess that would take a ton of time to clean. To him it was the biggest deal in the world. I tried to make him laugh and realize how silly he was being, but it only worked for a second because then he was telling me that he was sure the dog had made some sort of mess in the house and he was ALREADY mad at the dog, even though he didn’t even know if the dog was bad yet.
He was just determined to be in a bad mood.
And has hard as I tried, nothing was working. Instead of cheering him up, he just ended up making me feel shitty.
And he is continuing with it today and I don’t know what to do about it.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Dirtbag Moment in History
I'm still here. Just trying to keep my head above water at work and at home. I am very tired.
But enough about that. Today I am featured at Speaking From the Crib. I heart Kelly mucho and am so grateful she gave me the opportunity to tell everyone what a dirtbag I can be. In my defense though, the guy I was a dirtbag to was wearing a sweater vest. And he blew in my ear. Is anyone else throwing up a little just thinking about it? Check it out!
But enough about that. Today I am featured at Speaking From the Crib. I heart Kelly mucho and am so grateful she gave me the opportunity to tell everyone what a dirtbag I can be. In my defense though, the guy I was a dirtbag to was wearing a sweater vest. And he blew in my ear. Is anyone else throwing up a little just thinking about it? Check it out!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
What I Have Been Doing Since the Last Time I Posted
This is the first time I am even logging on to Blogger in nearly two weeks. I have been a busy girl, been out of town, and just plain been out of touch. Here is a list of 5 things I have been doing since I the last time I posted.
1. I ran around a lot without any pants on. Leland and I were camping with some friends and one night I had a bit too much to drink and decided it would be a fabulous idea to go skinny dipping. When I got out of the water I put a tank top on, but for some reason decided to skip the pants. Thank goddess I had a ton of mosquito repellent on or I am sure I would have bug bites all over my ass.
2. I have actually been working while at work. The guy who works in the warehouse has been screwing a ton of stuff up and has basically not been doing his job. So I have been elected to do it for him. On top of my responsibilities I have been doing all of his responsibilities for the last two weeks. When I get home from work I am a very tired girl and can do nothing but sit on the couch in a daze. However, all of the manual labor I have been doing as helped me drop two sizes!
3. I got back on the bike. For the first time since last November and the first time since breaking my pelvis, I got back on the Harley. I was nervous and thought that I forgot how to ride, but it really is like riding a bike. It all came back to me and it felt so good to be riding again!
4. Dealing with drama. When Leland's nephews were visiting at the beginning of July, we took them to band practice at the drummers house. While they were there they spent their time playing video games with the drummer's girlfriend's kids. All was well. Then two weeks after that day, the drummer called Leland saying he and his girlfriend are fairly certain that our nephews stole a Nintendo DS from their house. They haven't seen it since that day.
Not wanting to be the parents who believes that their kids can do nothing wrong, we called Leland's brother and asked him to look into it. The kids weren't with us anymore so there was really very little that we could do. Stealing just didn't seem like something the nephews would do, but we wanted to at least check. When Leland's brother said he searched the kid's room and didn't find the DS, we weren't surprised. However, when we told the drummer that the boys didn't have it, he suggested that they sold it for money. We reminded them that the boys are children, that they don't have access to a post office to mail something, that they are on summer break and don't have friends that they play with at home other than each other. Selling it seemed like a pretty far stretch.
The girlfriend was being very bitchy and accusatory about the whole thing and Leland and I really didn't know how to handle the situation. We don't have kids, we have never been in this situation before. Things were starting to get tense when some Facebook messages started going back and forth (the drummer initiated the FB messaging, emailing and FB is way to passive for Leland and I, we both would have preferred talking) and I was getting really irritated. There was nothing more that we could do. The boys live in Louisiana.
Then finally yesterday Leland got a FB message saying that the drummer found the DS sitting next to his computer. It was there the whole time. No one stole it. No one sold it for money. And no one apologized for treating us badly or accusing the nephews of stealing. But that is probably too much to ask.
5. Watching bad Channing Tatum movies. For some unknown reason, Leland and I watched the last 30 minutes of Step Up some time this weekend. It was horrible and cheesy and made me realize that Channing Tatum really is a bad actor. Yes, I know this was one of his first movies, but he sucked just as badly in G.I. Joe. I haven't seen any of his movies after G.I. Joe because I don't think I can sit through any more of his cheesiness. It is just too much for me. Yes, he is easy on the eyes, but listening to him repeat the crappy dialogue is just too much for me. This being said, I think I am going to get a copy of Teen Beat magazine and add his picture to my wall. Like I said, he is fun to look at and he is a cheesy actor, so he sounds like a perfect fit for my living room wall.
What have you been up to in the past 2 weeks?
I hope you have all been doing well!
1. I ran around a lot without any pants on. Leland and I were camping with some friends and one night I had a bit too much to drink and decided it would be a fabulous idea to go skinny dipping. When I got out of the water I put a tank top on, but for some reason decided to skip the pants. Thank goddess I had a ton of mosquito repellent on or I am sure I would have bug bites all over my ass.
2. I have actually been working while at work. The guy who works in the warehouse has been screwing a ton of stuff up and has basically not been doing his job. So I have been elected to do it for him. On top of my responsibilities I have been doing all of his responsibilities for the last two weeks. When I get home from work I am a very tired girl and can do nothing but sit on the couch in a daze. However, all of the manual labor I have been doing as helped me drop two sizes!
3. I got back on the bike. For the first time since last November and the first time since breaking my pelvis, I got back on the Harley. I was nervous and thought that I forgot how to ride, but it really is like riding a bike. It all came back to me and it felt so good to be riding again!
4. Dealing with drama. When Leland's nephews were visiting at the beginning of July, we took them to band practice at the drummers house. While they were there they spent their time playing video games with the drummer's girlfriend's kids. All was well. Then two weeks after that day, the drummer called Leland saying he and his girlfriend are fairly certain that our nephews stole a Nintendo DS from their house. They haven't seen it since that day.
Not wanting to be the parents who believes that their kids can do nothing wrong, we called Leland's brother and asked him to look into it. The kids weren't with us anymore so there was really very little that we could do. Stealing just didn't seem like something the nephews would do, but we wanted to at least check. When Leland's brother said he searched the kid's room and didn't find the DS, we weren't surprised. However, when we told the drummer that the boys didn't have it, he suggested that they sold it for money. We reminded them that the boys are children, that they don't have access to a post office to mail something, that they are on summer break and don't have friends that they play with at home other than each other. Selling it seemed like a pretty far stretch.
The girlfriend was being very bitchy and accusatory about the whole thing and Leland and I really didn't know how to handle the situation. We don't have kids, we have never been in this situation before. Things were starting to get tense when some Facebook messages started going back and forth (the drummer initiated the FB messaging, emailing and FB is way to passive for Leland and I, we both would have preferred talking) and I was getting really irritated. There was nothing more that we could do. The boys live in Louisiana.
Then finally yesterday Leland got a FB message saying that the drummer found the DS sitting next to his computer. It was there the whole time. No one stole it. No one sold it for money. And no one apologized for treating us badly or accusing the nephews of stealing. But that is probably too much to ask.
5. Watching bad Channing Tatum movies. For some unknown reason, Leland and I watched the last 30 minutes of Step Up some time this weekend. It was horrible and cheesy and made me realize that Channing Tatum really is a bad actor. Yes, I know this was one of his first movies, but he sucked just as badly in G.I. Joe. I haven't seen any of his movies after G.I. Joe because I don't think I can sit through any more of his cheesiness. It is just too much for me. Yes, he is easy on the eyes, but listening to him repeat the crappy dialogue is just too much for me. This being said, I think I am going to get a copy of Teen Beat magazine and add his picture to my wall. Like I said, he is fun to look at and he is a cheesy actor, so he sounds like a perfect fit for my living room wall.
What have you been up to in the past 2 weeks?
I hope you have all been doing well!
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