It has been a weird couple of weeks. Leland and I got into a big fight on the 9th and I spent all last week angry with him. It was the worst fight we have ever had in our 8 year relationship. It broke my heart. It made me question everything I felt about our marriage. It made me think that maybe love isn’t all we really need. Thinking about it now, it still hurts.
He didn’t cheat, but he was a big, big ass.
We spent all last week talking, which was fucking exhausting.
And I could barely let him look at me so having sex was out of the question.
Things are getting better, but they aren’t back to normal. I want to be back to normal, but I can’t get Leland’s words out of my head. I don’t know that they will ever go away, but maybe one day I will be able to move on and not think about them all the time.
As we have slowly been moving forward to being the awesome couple we once were, so many other things have been stressing me out.
Work, for instance, has been a great source of stress. Mark, the lazy warehouse worker has not been showing up to work. So that means I have to work in the warehouse and try and do all of my work as well. In order to get most of the important things finished, I have been going into work early and staying late. It has not been fun.
And when the bosses told Mark that he needed to come into work or he was going to lose his job, Mark then told them that he is an alcoholic. So now Mark is covered by the law and he can’t be fired until a series of actions take place. Which means I am going to have to deal with lazy Mark for quite a while. This does not make me happy.
The biggest thing stressing me out right now is that my period is 11 days late. I have taken multiple pregnancy tests and they all came out negative. I am glad they are all negative, but why am I not getting my period? For the past few days I have had some cramping that usually indicates I will be starting my period, but there still isn’t anything. As badly as I want a baby, this would be a horrible time for me to be pregnant. My heart just isn’t in it right now and I am praying that my uterus agrees with me.
Please, dear friends, send out some positive vibes into the universe so that I get my period soon. I can’t handle all of this stress.