I have spent this past weekend worrying about money. Though money is usually tighter than I would like it to be, this week is especially tight because we have a few extra things that we have to pay for. As hard as I try to budget for everything, something always comes up, there is a bill that gets lost in the shuffle, or my gas bill ends up being twice the amount that I expected it to be.
So now my budget is all screwed up, I am keeping my fingers crossed that we make it through the week without being overdrawn, and trying to figure out how to make it through the week without any food in the house.
Do you feel bad for me yet?
Because I need your help. I thought that if I gave you all a small sob-story that you might be more willing to help.
No, I don’t want you to buy me food. If we are starving, I know my mom and dad will feed us (that is okay, right mom?), and if we are overdrawn at the end of the week, we’ll survive. Leland’s paycheck will be deposited and the fees will be paid. It’s not ideal, but we’ll deal with it.
What we need is more important than food and money.
WE NEED CONDOMS.
While I was fretting over my budget, Leland told me that we were running short on condoms. And then he pointed out that we were going to need A LOT to get us through the year. Our lube as been squeezed dry. Crunching numbers, I realized that our 700 times a year project will end up costing us about $450.
We decided we need sponsors.
OR A TIP JAR.
I know there are a ton of web savvy people out there. If you find a website that is giving away free condoms or coupons, let me know.
If you want to send us a box of Trojan Magnums, send me an email and I’ll give you my address.
I know a lot of my readers are past the condom buying stage, but think of buying condoms as a fun way to spend a Monday night. You can pretend you are in high school and sneaking around behind your parent’s backs. Or buy only condoms and lube and then try and make the checkout person as uncomfortable as possible. Talk with him/her about really inappropriate things just to watch them squirm.
This is the one thing I can’t go to my mom for. She wants grandbabies and would prefer we don’t use condoms anyway. I have sent both Trojan and MensHealth.com emails asking them for help as well.
Please take pity on me and my cause. And of course, if I get my book about this project published, I will be sure to add the names of everyone who helped in the acknowledgments.