Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Hump Day Hangover 6



If you want to know what this is all about, go here.

Over the last few weeks, I have been asked about the Hump Day Hangover rules and what we count as sex and what we don’t count. We have been given a ton of suggestions that we have been taking into account, but to make it easier on ourselves, we have come up with 5 rules. They are pretty simple and easy to remember, which is good, because I am too busy having sex to take time to remember some silly rules.

In case you are wondering (and I know you are) here are our rules:

1. Any act with the word “sex” in it can be used as one of the 700 times.
2. Such act MUST end in an orgasm to be able to be counted. For instance, if I just tickle Leland’s cock with my mouth a little before we commence with the shagging, that is not sex, just foreplay.
3. Sex acts must be a team sport. Playing solo may be a good time, but does not earn a ticker on the scoreboard.
4. Unless is it oral, each act must be with either one penis and one vagina, OR (though we haven’t been there yet) one anus and one penis. Hand jobs and fingers do not count. Neither do vibrators.
5. We both need to make sure we are doing an equal amount of work. If Leland is on top one time, then I need to be on top the next. We break this rule fairly often because Leland is always the only one with energy for morning sex. He just climbs on while I lay there and do nothing.


Just for fun, here are some terms you may want to familiarize yourself with:

Trifecta: This happens when I give Leland a blowjob and then he returns the favor. Shagging occurs immediately after. Bam! Three more numbers on the scoreboard.

Bisexta: We do this when either I have a cold and can’t breathe through my nose to give head, or if I have my period and it would just be gross for Leland to give me head. Only one of us gets the pleasure of oral first and then shagging follows immediately after. Two times down.

Lazy sex: This is usually morning sex when I am being lazy and not doing ANYTHING.

Failing: Not having sex.

Succeeding: Having sex every single time Leland gets a random hard-on. Whenever Leland gets a boner he is all over me for sex. If I push him away or tell him no, he always asks, “Do you want to fail, or do you want to succeed?” It works nearly every time and we end up doing a hot dance.

I am pretty sure I have already turned Leland into some sort of sex addict and we are only 6 weeks in. We’ll have to see how this progresses. And if he is an addict, at least he knows he can get it from his wife.


Postscript:
Leland and I are leaving this afternoon to visit his brother in Shreveport, LA. I have never met his brother, sister-in-law or their two sons. I’m pumped and so excited to get the hell out of town for awhile. It’s a 14 hour drive, but it’ll be a quick trip because we have to be back at work on Monday. I probably won’t be reading blogs or leaving comments. Have a great rest of the week and a happy Easter!

38 comments:

Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

i dunno. i think The Bottomless Pit gets shot down about twice a day, so maybe that's MY 700-in-a-year.

;D

have a lovely Easter. hope you have fun!!

(The rain stopped in the middle of the night. The sun is out and the next couple of days are supposed to be gorgeous. We're lucky for once to live in an apartment. NO DAMAGE. My pregnant friend just found out her and her husband's just-bought house is under 10 feet of water. Unbelievable!)

JP said...

I think the equal amount of work rule isn't as important... imnsho...

I mean seriously how often are you really not doing anything? Sure you may start out that way but by the end if you're not actively participating I think there may be something wrong with you...

Taylor-Made Wife said...

The glossary is a nice touch. Hope you are back to feeling better!

michelleFFTL said...

morning sex is amazing, i actually prefer it so much more than night sex.
hahaha
"do you want to fail, or do you want to suceed??" love that.

xx

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Have a great weekend!

Dollface said...

These terms are hysterical... and good luck meeting the brother, etc.... I hope it all turns out well!! xxxooo

jv726 said...

Im not much for morning sex either. I have trouble rolling out of bed so being on top is just not an option.
Have a great weekend with the family (ok, its weird to say that after I was just talking about sex...) :)

Cathy said...

I love this! It made me smile.
Especially the part when Leland asks if you want to fail or succeed. He's a smart man.

Have a fun visit with the relatives!

carma said...

the equal amount of work part - pfffffffffffffffffft

JennyMac said...

HAHAHA....I am SOOOOO glad I am not reading this on my work laptop! LOL.

Or, IT is very very sad I am not.

LuLu Lake said...

H! Thanks, I won't burn the kitchen down I promise.

My classes start August 23 - Ill let you know what I am reading when I get the syllabus! :-)

Have a good time on your trip!

Happy Easter!

Intense Guy said...

I think the equal time clause is a good thing...

Hey! Don't forget YOU might get turned into a sex addict too! LOL!

I think the glossary should be on the side bar over there ---->

Enjoy your road trip (I guess you will be having sex in the car) and the visit with the family!!

JenJen said...

I can't believe you haven't been there yet! The tips I gave you will work! Do it! Whut whut, in the butt!

heartinhand said...

Happy Easter to the most rabbit-like couple on the internet! LOL!

blueviolet said...

Have a great trip and good luck adding to the count over the weekend! ;)

randomblogette said...

Love the glossary! Have a happy Easter and have fun meeting new family! Oh and VAGINA!

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

DRIVE SAFE ... and watch for those big bugs down there ;-)

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Girl, there is going to come a day when my work computer blocks your blog with all this sex talk! It already blocks Victoria's Secret!

So, it has to end in an orgasm... for BOTH parties, or just one?

~Elizabeth

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I want to say Thank You BTW, my husband and I have been inspired by you two and things over here have been so much more fun!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Have a fun trip! And thanks for the enlightenment before you left! HAha!

RN Mama said...

Did you just say anus? Bahaha!

I am personally most impressed with the trifecta! In order for it to "count" does that mean each act in the trifecta ended in orgasm? I'm just curious, because someone I know can only have like one orgasm in a 24 hour period!

Have a great trip!!

Ian said...

Fucking love posts like this

RN Mama said...

I almost forgot. You have inspired me, and I don't know how long this will last, but we are up to 3 times over here this week! That might be a personal record:)

Aunt Juicebox said...

Hmmm, I would think handjobs count, as well as vibrators. If not, that kind of contradicts the it's sex if you have an orgasm rule. I mean, if you have an orgasm, it's sex. And you really need to get "humping" if you want to make your goal. Hehe.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Wow, I like learning new terms! Thanks for that - it all goes in with my April monthly challenge of literacy and expanding my vocabulary ;-)

Have fun in Shreveport! I hope Louisiana is kind to you. As my home state, I hope you find it fun and inviting!

Cougar Tales said...

Have a fabulous time away from it all!
- Cougs

The Blue Zoo said...

Well. I think this is the second time Ive ever been to your blog and I now know more about your sex life than I do my own. lol

Ally said...

I finally had morning sex for like the first time in forever.

Secretia said...

Doing it every time he gets a random hardon is the best way to keep a man faithful. It works in our love nest, whatever he wants, whenever. The smartest thing, men stray when they have too many fantasies, doesn't have to happen.

Secretia

aladdinsane12 said...

i can TOTALLY imagine lee saying that in a very serious tone of voice. way to guilt-trip you!

have an awesome time on your trip- i'm sure you'll love the new bro-in-law :)

I'm Jane said...

Yah...ditto what Secretia said.;)

Matty said...

Interesting way of keeping score. Sort of like a sports rule book. Without the referees.

Yankee Girl said...

ha ha I just had to check out your blog to see who the other Yankee Girl is? Nice to meet you!

Amy said...

Yay! You're coming on over to my state! Welcome! Shreveport is pretty far from where I am, but same state nonetheless:)

Mrsblogalot said...

Have a great trip!!! Enjoy your Easter...and everything else (-:

Duchess of Tea said...

Darling popped in to wish you and your family a joyous and blessed Easter.

Love & Hugs
Duchess

Eternally Distracted said...

I think my house is in need of one of these rule books :0)

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Wow. You guys have the sex life of bunny rabbits. I adore you.