Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Hump Day Hangover 5: A Guest Blogger
When I started this little project, I never imagined I would have the response that you have all given me. Yes, I have lost some followers because of it, but I have gained far more than I have lost. We are only a month in and this has become a great journey. The greatest thing about this is that I have learned that there are a ton of people out there who want to talk about SEX. So let's do it. I have decided to open up Hump Day Hangover to ANYONE who wants to talk about sex. Just send me an email and I'll get you scheduled to guest post.
Today I am hosting my first guest blogger ever!
Many of you know T!nk from This is How it Feels. He is awesome, sexy, funny, real and he is my gay. I know I share him with others but that's cool. I have sisters. I learned to share when I was young.
Read what T!nk has to say about his sexcapades. And then go to his site and follow him. He is SO worth the extra blog in your reader!
Without further ado....
I consider myself a classy woman.
I cook, I clean, I never leave the house lookin' a hot mess, you would never find me on peopleofwalmart.com. (<-----I mention them enough they should be my sponsor). I always have my face on*, hair did, outfit lookin' fly, I mean, you never know when you could be signed to Wilhelmina.
I've got home trainin' so I know how to act in public. I am a gracious host/guest, unless you've pissed me off, but even that I will handle in a classy manner. I never attempt to procreate on the first date. If it went well, you will get a kiss and a hug at the end of the night, and if it went REALLY well I might use tongue. I never act like a ho in public.
But I am a sexual being.
I'm a freak in the sheets... or lack of bedding attire, or bedding apparatus thereof.
When I first started becoming sexually active (we can say that, I mean, we're all adults here, no? fine. I'll substitute) I realized that there was one place that was taboo for me to make whoopie.
I mean, I've "bumped uglies" in a church parking lot (where my dad was the preacher), basement, hallway, deep in the woods, back porch at 2am, on the couch, kitchen counter**, on an empty train, down by the river, in the backseat of any model of car you can think of, the shower, kitchen sink, the bed of all models of ford truck, behind a tent in Iraq, mall parking lot, and one time in the middle of the park at 3am. There was one place I had left to discover.
I had never "done the do" in my own bed (I once knocked boots in my Dad's bed once as a big F U, but that's another story). When the time finally "came" for me to do the nasty in my own bed, it was like a foreign place to me. It was new, and exciting, and I was afraid I was going to need a special spill kit for my Egyptian Cotton Sheets.
But I didn't just let anyone in my bed. I mean, I'm a classy woman, that's like, personal. A bed is for sleeping and sleeping is intimate? Right? That would mean I had to, like, put myself out there on a more than purely physical level, right? Then I would have to have, like.... substance.
It was then that I realized that I was more than what I could offer in the boudoir. I was smart, funny, intelligent, loving, caring, a real catch. And I'm basically June fucking Cleaver in the kitchen.
If I was such a catch... then why was I giving my goodies away to any gentlemen caller that was above an 8... (on the hottie scale) who had a nice smile and a twinkle in his eye?
I realized then that I didn't feel like I was such a put together woman. And that all that put togetherness on the outside was a mask for the mess inside. The lonely, scared, angry, needy, emotionally dependent little gay boy. And the mattress mambo, for me, became a way of finding love and happiness because I didn't have it within myself.
It was then that I started the journey to love myself. While it's been an uphill battle, it's been one that I am winning. I feel like I love that lonely, scared little boy so much more today than I ever thought I could. And it's not easy. There are days where I am down. There are days when I am too hard on myself. But overall, it's been a good ride.
And when I started dating again, and opened myself up, put myself out there, I did so in my bed. No spill kit, no safety net. One man, on one man. Just as God intended ;-)
*face on: having 15.5 lbs of MAC makeup on, looking similar to Jan Crouch, she's classy.
**for health reasons, I wouldn't necessarily suggest this surface.