Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Hump Day Hangover

Leland got home from Puerto Rico on Friday, and because we had a house full of people, we were not able to shag. Don’t worry, dear friends, by Saturday Leland was all about reaching his 700 times a year goal. We have not been following the ever so helpful guide to have sex 8 times a week, we have instead just been having whatever kind of sex we feel like.

Since Saturday we have had sex 3 times. I know, that’s not a big number at all, and if we want to reach 700 times, we really are going to have to step it up a notch.

And we are going to have to buy more lube.

On to the details…

We have been having sex in our bed, which is warm and comfy, but I think if we stick to bed sex we are going to get a little bored. We live alone, we have an entire house to ourselves, we really need to get out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Or on the couch.

Or in the shower.

Or on the dining room table.

Wait, scratch the last one. It’s a really OLD table that has been in my family for over a century and I think my dad would be pissed if we broke it having sex.

Anylube,

The sexercise thing is working. If I really think about what I am doing, I can feel my ab muscles working. On Sunday I worked my abs so much during sex that they hurt all day on Monday. I have no idea if Leland feels his abs working because I haven’t asked. I can tell you that he is giddy with delight to be having sex on a daily basis.

Yesterday he came home from work early with a fever and had a fever all night and he still wanted to bone. I had to say no. I am not interested in making out with someone who has a fever and a nose full of snot. Sorry. Plus, my vagina needed a break. It still rips just a little, so I thought it would be good if I let it heal for a day. And I am sure a day will be all it’s getting. Leland is feeling better today and I am ready for another killer ab workout.

34 comments:

JennyMac said...

sexercise can not be underestimated for its value. :)

kristi said...

LOL, and you let people in your house stop you?
HEll, I have kids and we know how to keep it quiet...just bite the pillow...LOL!

TheSingleGirl said...

I totally JUST got how clever the title to this post is. It took me a minute. *Sigh*

700 times a YEAR? Do NOT let Leland speak to The Bottomless Pit. Ever. Cuz I'm gonna have some splainin to do.

Ripped vag. *Shudder*

Sassy Chica said...

Where the hell have I been and when did you start this series...I have some catching up to do!

700 times a year, Hot Damn Chica...where do I sign up? Sexcercize...I can relate to that one, I had a good ab workout last week!

Smooches,
Sassy Chica

p.s-apologies my dear bloggy buddy, I have been a bit abscent lately...I have not forgotten about you, life got in the way!

Taylor-Made Wife said...

You totally need to do before and after shots (of your abs, please not anything else).

Aunt Juicebox said...

Does masturbation count as sex? He can always help himself, to up his count. LOL

MiMi said...

OMG, I didn't get the meaning behind the title until I read The Single Girl's comment. I'm slow today!

The Only Girl said...

I vaguely remember the horny pre-wedding & pre-kids days. Vaguely.

Tracy said...

you are such a nut. always a surprise reading you.

JenJen said...

I'm tellin' ya, girl....stock in Astroglide. Or KY.

Do it.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Well, this was quite the read for a 10:30 Wednesday morning office break! HAHA!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Just three times? Three? You will never make it to 700 in a year at this rate!

BTW, I think you need a blog 100% devoted to the pursuit of this endeavor, with posts by you and Leland!

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

jv726 said...

Ok...Two things. 1) 700 TIMES?!?! Wow. I'm glad you don't know my husband he would wonder why I am such a prude. 2) Shoulders and arm workout = doggie style. Just sayin'.. ;)
Have fun! (Oh, and I wouldn't tell people if you do do it on the dining room table, no one will want to come over for dinner!)

RN Mama said...

I am speechless. Didn't you say your Mom reads this?

BAHAHAHAHAHA! Like I said speechless, but lmao too:)

P.S. I haven't even had sex 3 times this YEAR...you're way up on me!

carma said...

Leave it to Aunt Juicebox to come up with a way for Leland to get his abs faster :D

Southern Sage said...

dang I bet Leland is just tickled. I need to get that deal worked out at my house.

Sign me right on up for the 700 times a year!!!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

why do I have this urge for a cigarette?...you want to steal that i heart fucking sign..?

sybil law said...

But table sex is so much FUN! Besides - if it's that old, someone might've given birth on that table!! It's the one reason I could never have an antique dining table - people birthed on those things. Ick.
However, I salute you with the 700 goal. I am not even sure my horny ass could pull that off!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

So, I wanted to come by and visit and say thanks for stopping by and now I have to follow because you are going to try and have sex 700 times this year! HOLY SH@T! My husband is lucky if he gets is 7 times a year!! I gotta find out if you will make it!

mummabootimes2 said...

700 times a year? Now that is a goal worth pursuing. Good luck. Stock up on KY for you and aloe for him. There might be some chafing going on...Yikes!

Thanks for stopping by my little corner of the Interweb. Nice to meet you!!

Mrsblogalot said...

OMG! I need about three hundred cigarrettes after reading this! (-:

Kim said...

HA! I love it sex and exercise! My husband would be all over that...literally! Although there is no way I can be convinced to do it 700 times a year! Leland is lucky to have you! And I remember the days of having sex all over the house! Enjoy it!

WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

Huh,.. killer abs vs rip vagina...
Easy choice, ain't it?

Did you warn your Mom before you posted?


Love your ticker!

Tracie said...

I'll bet you could write an essay about this experience and get it published somewhere. Someone wrote a book about how they had sex every day for a year and it wasn't even an erotic novel.

The Boob Nazi said...

hahahahaha awesome. I wish I were getting more exercise this way instead of going to the gym.

i am the diva said...

ooh i love the sexercize ticker you have on the top of the blog!! tee hee!!

Amy said...

I totally forgot you were having the sex 700 times this year. Love it!

Also, get out of that bed! While comfy,yes, you are missing out on great new spots! My husband and I have a chair/ottoman that is "the spot" It has been sprinkled with some sort of fairy dust by a magic genie or something b/c everyime we have the sex there....WOW!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

OMG, you have now put up a ticker for the 700/year goal????

Love it!

Shoot me an email with details on the graphics you want for a blog button for this new endeavor!

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

randomblogette said...

Holy Crap Girl! I rarely have time for sex. I am jealous! maybe I need to take our cue and run with it! Although I would have to start shaving my legs more often! Also, I would have to do something the the 4 year old that won't leave my bed!

aladdinsane12 said...

i just cracked up when i saw the sex counter! i'm sure your mom will love that one :) and the whole kitchen/bathroom/table thing always sounds so good but hurts so bad...

Samantha said...

Haha, I don't think I could do it 700 times in a year, but you are awesome for doing it! I'm curious to see how effective it is at toning your body!

tattytiara said...

Kill abs, not vaginas!

heartinhand said...

You young kids today. LOL

Intense Guy said...

I think you are just gonna have to get over being shy about it... 2.2+ times a day means you could be needing to do it... just about anywhere...