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Last night I went over to dinner at Jen from The Battle Book's house. She is back in the US after being in Germany for 3 years. At least I think it was 3 years. Anyway, we were having some beers and catching up and talking about everything. After a little while, two other girlfriends showed up. And these days, whenever I am in a room with girls, the topic of sex is bound to come up.
We talked about my new appreciation for 69. It makes having a trifecta so much easier and saves time (we need to be as efficient as possible). We talked about our sex drives, we talked about the sex drives of the men in our lives. What I heard from the other two women surprised me. For the sake of privacy, I'll call them Nutmeg and Ginger (I was just looking up a recipe for carrot cake and now all I can think about is nutmeg and ginger). Nutmeg and Ginger are both in their mid 20's, they are both in committed, long-term relationships and neither of them want to have sex.
This blew my mind until I remembered how I was last summer. I never put out. Looking back, I don't really know why I kept my legs closed. I tried telling Nutmeg and Ginger that I was the same way once, but that having a ton of sex just makes me want to have more sex. I told them that I am starting to turn into a guy. If I don't get enough sex I get moody, I can't think straight, it becomes difficult to function at all. I told them how not having sex made Leland feel, I told them how it put a huge strain on our relationship. Nothing seemed to matter.
I realize I am not going to be able to change people's minds about sex. And I'm not really trying to do that. I guess I was just trying to understand where they were coming from so maybe I could figure out what my problem was last summer. I think I had some sort of mental block or something.
I am not saying that the no sex thing is Nutmeg's and Ginger's fault alone. I learned too much last night to know that isn't the case. Nutmeg doesn't like 69 because her man gets off first and then never finishes her off. Ginger said her man puts the moves on by dry humping her leg, which she sees has a huge turnoff. And when they do have sex, her man wants to talk about it for hours afterwards, making sure she had a good enough time. In these instances, I don't blame them for not being in the mood to shag. And if Leland was the same way there would be no way in hell that I would 69 or even consider putting out 700 times in one year.
I know Leland isn't the only guy out there who wants to please his woman, so why aren't more men doing it? We all know plenty of men who only think with their dicks, but why do they have to be dicks about the way they treat their woman in the bedroom? And maybe if they were more attentive to what their woman wants they would be getting laid more often, instead of just being stuck humping a bedpost.
And is male maturity in the bedroom something that comes with age? Or is it something that women need to teach their men? Please help me, not necessarily for my sake, but for Nutmeg and Ginger. Because no one should have such negative experiences with sex.
If someone tried to get me in the mood by humping my leg, I'd keep thumbtacks in my pocket.
Nutmeg and Ginger need to be honest to their spouses about what their needs are. Some men are completely juvenille in their approach and they need to tell them that it's not working for them.
In my twenties, I had two little babies to take care of, so the desire to have one more person clawing at me was enough to drive me mental. That being said, you ARE right. The more you do it, the more you want to.
If my hubby dry humped my leg, I'd definitely have to send him to the Jack Shack. Alternatively, if he gets off first, I have no problem letting him know if I'm not finished.
So, I followed you because you made the distuinguished honor of being top blogger over at Speaking From the Crib. And I gotta say, you are pretty kick ass. We have similar senses of humor and your blog has already spiked high on the crack-up-o-meter. Nice. Plus, your hubby and you seem pretty awesome. I think I'll stick around!
I think what Ginger and Nutmeg need to do is talk to their guys about what they need... "hey Sage, if you'd get me off more, we'd have more sex..." If they don't like something, say so... if they do like something... say so...
Yeah, you can't really blame them for not being into it. Personally, I think there's waaaaaay too much going on in 69, but that's a whole other story right there.
I think what it all boils down to is open communication though... and a lot of people aren't comfortable enough about sex to talk about it openly. Even with their spouse, which is just sad.
Hm. I don't blame them for not being into it, but have they talked to their guys about it? Granted, I know it's difficult because it is so easy to crush their egos, but still. If they don't try to talk about it, they're going to be stuck in leg hump land for a long time.
I can't help but snicker at the leg hump.
Also. I'm so dumb. I just now was able to figure out what was up with the damn camels. Gah.
love the hang overs! my hubby and i are talking about doing the challenge ourselves! not sure i'd be brave enough to blog about it though.
Check out my latest post. I tagged you for awards!
I think it's everyone's responsibility to tell their partner what they need/want in order to have the best experience possible. Nutmeg and Ginger need to talk to their partners!
Ginger needs to say, "Ummmmm, babe, when you hump my leg, that's a total turnoff. It does NOT make me want to have sex with you. EVER!" If she can't say it or she does say it, and her husband isn't receptive to it, perhaps there are deeper problems--i.e. communication issues and/or a selfish husband problem. I don't know if the latter can be fixed, unfortunately.
I think sexual maturity comes with age, but I also think you need to be open with what your wants and needs are:)
I am not a fan of 69 either, but that's just me, and I think I already told you my reasons on that. However, if my husband tried to hump my leg I think I'd kick him in the nuts.
I'd be curious to know if either of these women have told their men that they're not satisfied....gently of course. :0)
Seems the older I get the more I am willing, no worries about babies interupting or risks of more babies....
Those girls need to communicate
I'm just going to leave a "Kilroy was here" kind of comment.
...on account I've nothing to add to this 'cept to say I admire your frankness. :)
The dry hump thing would be a complete turn-off for me too. I totally understand that. Sometimes it's just easier to avoid the issue than try to make it better.
In my last relationship, after about 2 1/2 years, we just stopped having sex. It was like a once every 3 months basis. And it was all my fault. My body just turned off- it didn't want it.
And I think sexual maturity probably comes with age- you-know-who is very mature and very...ahem...giving in the bedroom...
I think a lot of people are overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, which sure doesn't put one on the mood for nookie.
The post-sex survey, I may be a little familiar with that one :D
I can't even remember the last time I discussed sex with someone other than my husband!
Leg humping should be left to the dogs!
If men treat their women right, in and out of bed, they get all the sex they want. Just sayin'.
AMEN to Matty's comment. Also, I'm like you, the more sex I have the more I want. However, my husband is not down with this. (No pun intended.) I won't go into further detail cuz that's a whole nother Oprah. Or maybe Dr. Phil even. *shudders*
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