Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Negative Nelly

Leland and I are in a rut.

And Leland has been sporting a very negative attitude lately and it’s driving me bonkers. Yes, I know we have debt. Yes, I know work is sucking. Yes, I know there are a thousand other things going on that he thinks are a big deal. I just choose to not let it all bring me down. I deal with it one thing at a time and do my best to be a positive person. I know Leland isn’t like that. He has never really been a positive person. And now it’s really starting to irk me. I don’t know what to do about it. When I try to cheer him up, he just gets worse and then it brings me down.

Like last night. When we were loading groceries into the back of the Element Leland noticed that a bag of overnight toiletries had leaked a little onto the car. It’s an Element, the flooring is some sort of plastic, it wipes right off. But Leland couldn’t see that. Instead, he saw a huge mess that would take a ton of time to clean. To him it was the biggest deal in the world. I tried to make him laugh and realize how silly he was being, but it only worked for a second because then he was telling me that he was sure the dog had made some sort of mess in the house and he was ALREADY mad at the dog, even though he didn’t even know if the dog was bad yet.

He was just determined to be in a bad mood.

And has hard as I tried, nothing was working. Instead of cheering him up, he just ended up making me feel shitty.

And he is continuing with it today and I don’t know what to do about it.

27 comments:

Cristy said...

Everybody has their days when they're just negative in general. Whenever my husband gets like that I try just to calm him down by telling him to stop, slow down, and then I give him a hug a big smile and a kiss. Usually after that if I tell him everything will be ok and give him a few sweet kisses, this puts him in a better mood. Whenever it's the reverse and I'm the one in the bad mood, my husband just kills me with kindness. He'll go get me some candies or something and I'll just feel bad being mean in return. Sorry to hear you two are in a rut. I know everybody says that happens in every marriage, but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens.

Elle said...

I am 110% convinced men suffer a version of PMS. (Obivously just the hormone flux with no mess factor.) When MusicMan gets in funks like that, I let him be a negative nelly all on his own. I give him a wide berth--plenty of space--and I just don't play into it, because sometimes that just seems to make it worse.

Hang in there, girly. Maybe slip a Midol into his coffee tomorrow morning! ;-)

Intense Guy said...

As a guy, he is probably upset that a) he isn't provding enough and b) sensitive about it.

The low level stress of dealing with debt eats away at everyone - it gnaws at ya. Hopefully there isn't anything "unsaid" about how things are going where he works... internalizing things always backfires... eventually.

McVal said...

My hubby can be like that too. If he's in a crappy mood, everyone's in a crappy mood.
I'll make him something nice for supper and then talk to him about our son. When I can redirect his anger about something... that seems to work. Our son gives us tons of grief... It doesn't bring him out of his funk, but gives him something else to think about while he cools down.
If I'm in a lousy mood, he seems to take it personally and gets angry with me for being angry with him. Vicious circle, no? gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I hope he snaps out of it soon.

Siren said...

Hello My Love! I am back to the blog-o-sphere. Miss me? You always do. Tell Mister Leland to buzz off. Come and see me! I will make you smile!

Tiffany said...

getting irked about (seemingly) small things is usually a sympton of something bigger. i would just give him his space, let him take his time working things through in his head.

blueviolet said...

My ex used to get upset about things and not let it go either. He'd just hang on to it for days! I am ok after a couple of hours. What's with them?

inannasstar said...

What Intense Guy said....men's minds work so differently then ours.

The Random Blogette said...

I totally agree with Elle. Sometimes it seems like guys have their own version of PMS. The hubs gets it from time to time too. Some weeks it seems like I can't do anything right. Hang in there! It will get better. Just give him some space and hopefully he will chill out soon.

Coffeypot said...

A cast iron skillet up side his head to get his attention and a few well chosen words spit directly into his face will work.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sorry to hear this. Some people really do just need to vent and spew. I would suggest the only thing you can do, is maybe try and get away from his ass for awhile. I say this as a moody person and not the easiest person to live with mydamnself.

Love,

SB

MiMi said...

My husband and I are both very pessimistic people. And sometimes I think that one or the other of us is just bound and determined to be in a shitty mood.
Do you think he's depressed at all??

MiMi said...

ALSO, just read Elle's comment, and yes, I'm convinced they DO have their own version of PMS!

carma said...

when my husband has work stress, which is very frequently lately, he can bring the whole house down with him. Best not to question or try to cheer him up but just to go out and do some things on your own to bring you happiness. He'll come around.

Dee said...

Girl, I worry about everything, hubby is like you. He takes it one thing at a time and just rolls with the punches! I wish I could be like him!!

Sandra said...

Have you tried threats?...ok, abit dramatic, I guess. But if you've tried talking to him honestly and getting him to verbalize his feelings, and he is refusing this route, there isn't much you can do...look at me all mature and full of advice!
I get you though, i deal with issues the exact same way you do!

SwizzlestickMama said...

And your sex-periment won't cure it?

Puzzling.

Really.

I call hubster out on his child-like temper tantrums. It is fine to be grumpy, admit to it, and ask for some space, but I think once it becomes an all- consuming behavior that brings ME down-- we have a problem. That is when I ignore and let him figure it out. I can't solve all problems of the world in one day-- I usually find that once he's aired out,things are better.

Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

I understand. Completely.

I believe a positive attitude is a choice. I choose to have one. The Bottomless Pit chooses to never take responsibility and whine that he has bad luck, and everything is out to get him. Which makes things worse. Because then I am not just working on my own positive attitude, but I am also working on reminding someone else that I am also bearing the burden of his reaction to things.

It'll get better. But I know that you know that already. Just hang in there.

RN Mama said...

Ugh. My husband is negative about everything! Seriously, I can totally relate!

I wish I had some advice, but I've got nothin.

heartinhand said...

Coffeypot's comment made me laugh out loud because I was thinking "Box his ears!"

I point out my hubby's negative thinking to him in hopes that someday he will see it for himself but I don't let his approach change my outlook. You may find that the longer you're married, the more you'll just avoid telling him the things you know will set him off. There are things that I deal with on my own just because I know I won't be spazzing out about them. When I spaz out though? He tends to laugh at me, so maybe that's what you could do...just mock him. LOL!

Boys are weird.

Sara said...

Doesn't that just make you nutburgers?

I wish you could boink it out of him.

It may not work but I'll bet he'd appreciate the effort.

kristi said...

I need to post about this very thing. My husband is so negative and it makes me insane.

JenJen said...

I think you both are beautiful, and can understand why the stress might dull your otherwise-spit-shiny selves. To bump Hubbs out of those moods I either have to get naked, get him drunk, or get the hell out. Sometimes I need to do something more drastic, sometimes I just need to ride it out. Either way, it will pass. It just might screw up your weekend in the process. Which sucks......but then again, what marriage doesn't have parts of life like this that suck? In a not-good way? Keep being you. And if he's bringing you down go chill with people who don't. Let him pout alone.

Frugal Vicki said...

First of all, the ticker totally makes me giggle.
Secondly, my husband is like that, too. When he gets mad, he is just MAD and there is absolutely no changing it. Drives me nuts too.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Well I hope you can pull him out of his sadness -- all that shagging you'll be doing is sure to help, right? ;-)

Maybe you can surprise him with something fun - his fave foods, music or just a little scavenger hunt around the house or an adventure through the city to lift his spirits. Good luck! Don't let him get you down.

Kim said...

I can relate to this one. Only I'm the cranky pants in my story. Some days I've really just had enough with everything and I'm honestly just looking for a fight. So I'm not a whole lot of help. But if you find a solution to the whole thing, let me know I'm all for finding a way to not bite Brad's head off just because he's there and I'm pissy! :)

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