Friday, June 18, 2010

Another TMI Post--I Know You Love These!

Yesterday I spent my lunch break at the gynocologist.

(Yes, this is a warning. If you do not want to know about what is going on with my vagina, stop reading now).

A few days ago, after my period had stopped, I couldn't help but notice I was having an excessive amount of clear discharge. There was so much discharge that it was like I was peeing my pants every hour. As hard as I tried to keep myself clean and dry, I was losing the battle. My nether regions were a mess. No stranger to yeast infections, I knew something was wrong. But it didn't seem like I had a yeast infection. The symptoms were different than what I am used to.

So I call the doctor and made an appointment.

I see the nurse practitioner, and after the whole Alyson-has-a-ripped-vagina fiasco, I became super comfortable with her and talk to her the way I talk to all of you: like she is my best friend and REALLY WANTS to know every detail of my life.

First she asks if I have any pelvic pain. "Well actually...", I said, and then launched into the details of the last 8 weeks.

Then she asks what has changed in my life that could have caused the issues.

She asked if I have a new partner. Nope that's not it.
She asked if I have been using new condoms. That's not it either.
She asked if I have been on any medications. Sorry, nothings different.

It wasn't until my feet were in the stirrups and I was scootching my vagina closer to her that I FINALLY realized what was different.

"Oh yeah! I know what's different! I have been having an insane amount of sex lately!"

"Define insane," she said.

So of course I had to tell her about the challenge.

She didn't quite know what to say. So I told her how it is making my relationship with Leland better. I told her how we are using sex as exercise. I told her that I am writing a book about it.

"Those are all good reasons to have a lot of sex, but there is one reason why you shouldn't be having that much sex," she said. "The womam's body wasn't built to have that much sex."

Unlike men, women have problems. Having sex can lead to UTI's, bladder infections, yeast infections, bacterial infections....

Men have it easy. They just pull their pole out and do the deed. Women have to deal with all the issues. My doctor said that if I want to TRY to avoid problems in the future, that I need to take a shower immediately after each time I have sex. And I have to make sure I pee immediately after each time I have sex. The whole rolling over and going to sleep thing is not an option for me anymore.

So I left the doctor learning that I have a bacterial infection inside my vagina, and a yeast infection on the outside that has actually spread to my butthole. That's right people. I have a yeast infection on my butthole.

And Leland thought he was done taking care of me! What a fool. Now he has to put ointment all over my area twice a day. I know he looks forward to it. I mean, why would he not? I get to put my yeast infection parts up in his face for him to take care of. He is such a lucky man.

Even all of this has not made me change my mind about going for the challenge. If anything, I am more determined than ever. Besides, this is all great material for the book!

45 comments:

inannasstar said...

I'm sure your doc told you this, but you need to refrain from Sexytime while you have the yeast infection or dude could get it on his junk and you will be playing a game of tennis, but with yeast instead.

Also, kudos to you for givin' it up as often as you do. I've got a couple of days during my cycle where I'm all about the sexytime, the rest of the month, I'm over it.

The Only Girl said...

No comment. No really - I don't know what to say. "Get well soon" perhaps?

Adorably Distracted... said...

hahah you are too much! Watching Alice in Wonderland tonight! hopefully it's as good as it looks!

Aubrey S. said...

Oh, your bedroom adventures just continue to make things interesting =)

MommyLovesStilettos said...

you can get a yeast infection in your butthole?! I had NO IDEA! Girlfriend, you don't have good luck lately!I think you are due for some seriously good luck right away!

heartinhand said...

You need to be eating probiotic yogurt or taking acidophillus every day to keep your vaginal flora in optimum shape.

I love that your gyno told you that women aren't made for that much nookie. I'm totally going to quote her!

Intense Guy said...

I DO love these posts - no, not the hearing that you're not feeling 100% but the part that is open and honest. So durn refreshing.

Hmm... some old yeasty breads like San Francisco Sour Dough are yum yum yum! Hopefully Leland sees it that way :)

McVal said...

Wow! I'm definitely using that line too! Women weren't made for that much!!!
I'm so sorry for your infection! I hope you feel better soon.

Dee said...

Ouch!! Seriously...ouch!!

Cathy said...

I actually put my hand over my mouth when I read that you have a yeast infection in your butthole. That sounds terrible:(

Now, listen to your doctor and be careful with your ladybits.

And...you're writing a book about this!! LOOOOOVE IT!

Taylor-Made Wife said...

Holy Hell, I had no idea it could travel to your butthole!!! Take care friend, cause that sucks ass.

blueviolet said...

I didn't even know yeast could grow in the backyard!

Dollface said...

omg. only happens to you!! xxxoo

Sara said...

God help me, I do love an over-share.

And when you over-share, I find myself becoming perhaps inappropriately curious about your lady business and the like.

However, all I have to do is wait a few minutes and you tell me!

It's amazing!

This books is going to wonderful. I will buy it and have it on my shelf amongst many other sex-related reads.

Leland Sage said...

heartinhand said: "You need to be eating probiotic yogurt or taking acidophillus every day to keep your vaginal flora in optimum shape."

That's funny, I've been saying for months and months that you need to be eating yogurt for your stomach and overall general health. Huh? Sometimes husbands are right.

And no, I don't care if you don't like yogurt babe. There are a lot of things we have to do to care of our bodies even if we don't like it. Let's at least have you take acidophillus supplements. Yes, I know I'm a nag, but hey, somebody has to be in this relationship!

LuLu Lake said...

I know a thing or two about yeast infections and UTI's. I get them all of the time, and now I have learned a way to avoid them thanks to your blog! I hope your lady parts feel better soon!

SurferWife said...

I was rolling along so nicely here until the whole yeast in your butthole part.

Then I let out a loud OKAY THEN!

You did give proper warning at this beginning of the post but I usually like to be a rebel.

The Random Blogette said...

Woah! That is not fun! I have to pee after sex every time. I get horrible UTIs if I don't. I have so been where you are right now. Get better quickly!!!

kristi said...

Dayum, I have to wash that shit out after sex, it is just way too much...I know another TMI!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

i think you quit thinking with your brain a little while back and now your thinking with your vagina.
now your just like a man..which isn't necessary a good thing..haha

Vodka Logic said...

You poor thing...at least you are having lots of sex I can think of worse ways to get nasty lady parts.

I had heard about the peeing bit after but a shower too... I suppose Leland could take care of that as well.. :)

seriously get well soon.

MiMi said...

Um.

Well.

I really got nothing, except this was a very informative and absolutely awesome/disgusting post.

I mean, I don't know how you do it.
Srsly. How DO you do it?

You talk about discharge and yet still, you are like the nicest person ever. I can tell just by reading you.

It's weird.

Now, off to ponder discharge.

MiMi said...

Also - I'm eating some grapes and I'm having a hard time not choking while reading the comments...
How many times can I read the word butthole??
LOL!

Christiejolu said...

Hope you get better and Leeland has fun putting the creme on which I might add is really sweet he would even go there...Many men wouldn't.

Intense Guy said...

Someday, I half expect to type a longish comment and when it posts, see the sex counter has notched another one - and think - oh wow, they did "it" while I was typing a comment...

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Wow, you've hit so many hurdles in your life ever since this sex challenge came up. Good for you in seeing it through to the end though! Good luck and just enjoy Leland getting some ass action! :-)

Hey, can you do a future post on Shorty? An update on how he's doing? I was just curious since I saw that you raised the money for it (and I helped contribute). Hope you're both on the mend soon!

Sarah Beth said...

I was so afraid you were going to say you had to give it up all together (it being the challenge). If the worst you have to do is pee more, full steam ahead!!!

RN Mama said...

Whoa. I'm speechless! Ok, not really. I would call this a major setback, but I know you will push through!

I never thought of a yeast infection on your bunhole, but it's really possible to get a yeast infection in any crack...armpits, under your breasts, even in your mouth!

Have a great weekend, and hope you're back in the saddle again soon!

Kim said...

OMG! I love how open you are! And I can't believe you are still dedicated to the cause! I'm so not about sex lately that the sheer idea of having sex cause not only a bacterial infection inside my vajayjay but a yeast infection that led all the way up to my ass I would be sooooooo done with sex! For a long time, if not FOREVER! lol. Your husband is a VERY lucky man!

Samantha said...

I think this would make for an excellent chapter in your book... :) Hope you feel better soon!

Holly said...

Oh my...I learn new things every tie I come visit!

Eternally Distracted said...

Now that is a LOT of information... and I am speechless!!

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

OMG! I love reading your posts!!!

Girl- I suffer from horrible bacterial infections. My vagina (aka...who-who)has an imbalance. I have to insert this gel shit twice a week so it stays balanced out. I was told too much sex as well.....also, John puts deodorant around his pole & that can cause me to have an infection....of course than that leads to the yeast infection crap. I hope your who-who gets better soon.

Sex as exercise....Good idea!! :)

P.S. I was going to tag you on the award but I saw where Dionne had already done so.

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

Oh and about eating yogurt for infections....that is a YES! But the real reason to eat yogurt would be for Leland...why you might ask?

Did you know that yogurt makes your vagina juices taste better!!!! Yep, yep! It does. :)

Much More Than Mommy said...

I feel so educated after reading this -- hope you heal quickly. Did your doctor tell if you if having sex in the shower counted?

Acidophilus pearls -- take those while you're taking antibiotics and it counteracts their negative effects.

Take care of your private areas. They are precious and valuable, especially since they are the main characters in your book.

Debbie said...

That's terrible! I so hope you feel better soon.

Amy Lynn said...

Oh no! That's no fun! Get well soon!!!!

Stephanie Faris said...

Eeeeeek! I think this is definitely something to spread the word about...it should be a part of your book, if it applies. In fact, it might make an interesting book all on its own.

Cara Smith said...

Okay...I'm totally going to have to read your book when it's done.

I hope you feel better soon. The infection thing sucks!

skinnybitching said...

aaaaah.... how awful! you are SUCH a trooper. i'd have been like peach out hubs, you can finish this challenge with your hand.

Melissa B. said...

Good argument for celibacy. Or at least for taking a break!

WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

Doctors just know how to remove all the fun with facts. Pee and shower after sex? Yeah, right. No more sex for me...

carma said...

I'm at the point where if someone even looks at my privates I get a UTI :-(

Kate@AndThenIWasaMom.com said...

Further proof that the Great Designer of All Things Genitals was a man. Heal quickly.

Yankee Girl ~ Missy said...

My husband would have killed me for posting this. You go girl. Let all the details out. ha ha

all laughing aside. I do hope you are feeling much better.