As most of you know, Leland plays in 2.5 bands. He joined his first band shortly after we started dating and played with the same guys until a year ago. When he played in that band it rarely got in the way of our relationship. I liked when he went to band practice and enjoyed seeing him play. They usually played shows every other weekend. Last October that band broke up because we were planning on moving.
At first we both really liked that he didn’t have band practice three times a week and I especially loved that I didn’t have to hear them practice in my basement three times a week. We were in a state of bliss.
That only lasted about a month.
After that we started arguing all the time. We were always together and were getting pretty damn sick of each other. During the summer it became clear that Leland needed to play in a band again. I needed some time to myself and he needed to do something that made him so happy. So he joined a cover band that plays hard rock music. A week after that, he was invited to join a death metal band. Since Leland is metal at heart, he couldn’t pass it up. I even encouraged it. I was happy for him and was happy to see him so happy.
For the past few months, Leland was practicing with both bands but only playing shows with the cover band. He played maybe one show a month. I thought it was perfect.
Now the metal band is ready to start playing out and the other guitar player is booking shows like crazy. Between both bands, he is playing a show nearly every single weekend. This does not make me happy. I have and will always support his music, but I cannot handle not being able to plan things for our life because he is booked with gigs. The madness has just started and it is already getting on my nerves.
What’s a band wife to do? I don’t want to tell him what he can and can’t do, but I also don’t want to miss out on doing things that I want us to do together because of the band. Do I try and limit the amount of shows he plays each month? Or do I let him do what he wants and then hope that he will realize that he is missing out on time spent with me? I tried talking to him about it and he says it will only last for a little while, just until the metal band gets more exposure. But in my experience, the more exposure a band gets means that they are offered more shows.
I’m getting frustrated. Can you tell?