Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Saturday Morning at the DMV

You know where I consider to be the most fun place in the world?

The DMV.

I love it there.

It always makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

You know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get right before you throw up?

That’s the feeling I’m talking about. It’s awesome. The perfect way to spend a Saturday morning.

A few months ago I was actually lucky enough to get to spend my Saturday morning at the DMV. I had lost my drivers license, and after looking for it for days, I decided the best thing to do was haul my ass to the DMV and get a new one. It made me nervous driving around without a license so I decided to give up the search for the old one and let myself experience the paradise that is the DMV.

When I walked in I headed straight to the info booth. I had a few forms of identification on me and I wanted to be sure it was enough to get a new license. A woman and a very old man were standing behind the booth. The woman was wearing a beautiful scowl on her face.

Awesome, I though to myself. She looks like she can’t wait to help me. My presence is probably making her day.

Our interaction when something like this:

“Hi, I need to get a new license. What do I need to do in order to make that happen?” I asked.

“What’s wrong with the license you have?” wonderfully nice lady asked.

“I lost it,” I replied.

“You lost it because you were being careless and stupid?” super sweet woman asked.

“No, I just lost it,” I said.

This is where the pleasant woman shows just how nice (and smart) she is:

“A driver’s license isn’t something you can just throw away. It needs to be respected. It is a federal document and you people think you can just come in here and get a new one whenever you want it. Well it’s not happening on my watch.”

And this is where I start to lose my cool:

“You think I’m careless and stupid? Well a driver’s license is not a federal document. It’s a state document. And yes, I think I can get a new one whenever I want because it is my right as a valid license holder. You may not want to tell me what I need to get a new license, but somebody in this building will.”

And then the nice lady starts yelling.

YOU CAN’T JUST COME IN HERE AND TELL ME THAT I AM STUPID! THERE ARE SIGNS EVERYWHERE TELLING YOU THAT YOU NEED TO RESPECT THE EMPLOYEES OR YOU WILL BE ASKED TO LEAVE. WELL I AM ASKING YOU TO LEAVE.”

Finally the old man standing next to her decides to say something.

“Linda, you are out of line and the one who was being rude first. Do you mean to tell me that you have never lost anything in your life? Because right now it looks like you have lost your mind. You really need to settle down.”

After that the nice old man told me I had everything I needed to get a license and sent me in the right direction. Linda just stood there, scowling as usual. I couldn’t help but look at her and smile and wink.

26 comments:

Suzi Q said...

Oh lordy! Our license issuers in Canada are NOTHING like that! I've heard stories about the "DMV" - they have tv shows about the "DMV" - your experience sounds like it was from one of those shows!

Adorably Distracted... said...

hahahahahaah I love when mean people get shot down!!! it makes my day!!! LOL
Thank god for old men.

Samantha said...

I HATE going to the DMV! The attitudes of the employees and the length of time you have to wait is ridiculous. I've never had an employee be THAT rude to me, though. That's so crazy!

Intense Guy said...

Jeepers. In PA you just go on line and fill out a form - they mail the replacement within a couple days (they even store your picture so you don't even need to have it retaken).

I thoroughly detest the New Jersey DMV though... they handle boats and trailers - and were as horrible as most DMVs are made out to be...

Cathy said...

OH.

MY.

GOD.

AWESOME!

wines constantly said...

Wow. Somebody peed in Linda's Wheaties. Did you high-five the old man? Thank goodness he was there to put her in her place!

A few years ago I went with my hubs to renew his license. When hubs got his number and we went to find seats, the guy at the info desk stopped me and said that I had to go outside to wait because I had no business there. It was freezingballs degrees outside and sleeting. Hubs fought for me and ended up standing so I could sit...but yeesh.

Tracy said...

Just spent hours at DMV with daughter yesteday. It is always a trip into hell. I hate it.

jv726 said...

Oh. My. Gosh! She is fricking nuts! I cant believe she yelled at you...Oh, and besides the DMV another great place to visit is the social security office..Awesome people...

Dollface said...

omg that is insane!! I just read it outloud to my coworker... we love love love your blog!! xxxoo

strugglingwriter said...

"Do you mean to tell me that you have never lost anything in your life? Because right now it looks like you have lost your mind. You really need to settle down.”"

Love that line. Old guy at the DMV is my new hero.

Sorry you had to deal with that crap.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Awww, I HATE the DMV!!! I spent hours (ok, DAYS) there when we moved because I failed my drivers test (twice). I can honestly say those were the only two exams I've ever flunked in my entire life; those people made me feel like an idiot!

Thanks for the sweet thoughts on my blog today. I really appreciate it! If I keep doing my tip-a-day feature (I only intended to go through January) past Sunday, I will give the credit (and the blame!) to you!

~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom

cindi said...

Wow...and I thought the blind little old lady and the Kate Gosselin wanna-be at my DMV were bad...

carma said...

You gave "The Wink" -- well done - loved this story. And thanks to that old dude for stepping in before Ms. Perfect lectured you some more. Perhaps she was off her medication that day.

aladdinsane12 said...

fuck Linda! what a beeyatch. thank god for old men that save the day!

the last time i was at the dmv, i was in and out in about 2 mins (shocking!), but in that 2 minutes they managed to insult me. they've got skills!

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I would have started barking at her like the dog she was being, hahahah! Glad my recent DMV experience was nothing like that!

"Not on my watch?" Really??? Like was she trying to be a coast guard or air force guard? B/c we all know the really important, smart folks work at the DMV. Just like in mall security.

michelleFFTL said...

she should have been fired!
i did a course in customer relations, and we basically had to analyze our behaviour and employees that we saw's behaviour and decide whether it effected their business.
and obviously this woman would be one that would affect business quite dramatically!
xx

Vodka Mom said...

I think I love the DMV ALMOST as much as going to the gyno.


almost.

Andrea said...

Holy Moly! That is crazy! I always go to the DMV expecting the worse and trying to kill all those cranky old women with kindness. I guess I think it will make them feel bad and they will be kind of nice!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

i would have got to the door turned around and yelled 'HEY LINDA..........FUCK YOU.'.. and left..ha

bluewhitelife said...

(not looking forward to changing my residency now, haha...)

Cristina said...

WOO! That was a great way to start my bloggy reading. Fierce and fantastic.

xx

Cristina

Ali said...

thanks for following me, right back at ya!
so r u a yankee girl....NY?

heartinhand said...

Ho-Lee-Shit! You handled that well!

kristi said...

What a bitch! Found you on Friday Followers. Check my blog(s) out! Please!!

The Only Girl said...

Wow - I can't believe she treated you like that. Can't you lodge a formal complaint or something?

Glad you stood up for yourself though! Good on ya Girl.

LuLu Lake said...

I literally laughed out loud. That DMV woman was a biotch.