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Remember a long time ago when we first started this adventure and I told you all about Leland’s random boners?
Remember how I told you he gets a ton of random boners every day?
I thought that nine months into the experiment that he would start settling down some. I thought that maybe he wouldn’t be so horny all the time. I thought that having sex would quench his thirst.
Boy was I wrong.
Though are sex life may be boring –it’s just a lot of banging it out and blow jobs –he is never bored. He wants it all the time. I don’t even have to bring out my skills as a fluff girl to get him going. It seems my previous job as a fluff girl was a waste since I don’t have to use it in my relationship.
Yes, you read that right. Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I was a fluff girl.
For those of you who don’t know what a fluff girl is, she is a girl in porn who keeps the men stimulated when they are off camera. She keeps them up so they are ready to plow whenever needed.
Ok, so maybe I wasn’t actually a fluff girl….but I sort of did the same thing…
…but for dogs.
Please don’t call PETA on me. I know the dogs liked it. I was a very good doggie fluff girl.
Are you scared yet? I know this sounds so terrible.
Let me explain. When I was in college I worked at an animal hospital. The doctors I worked with were reproduction specialists so I helped with all sorts of weird things that normal people would never admit to doing all over the internet. But very few people have ever called me normal. The weirdest thing I ever had to do was fluff dogs and then jerk them off.
(I cannot believe I am writing this right now!)
I would drench a towel in some pheromone smelling stuff, tie it around my waist so it was covering my ass, and then I would dance around for the male dog until he was “turned on.” Or as we call it in the animal world “his lipstick was out.” When he was ready to go I would give him a handie and collect the sample.
I can’t believe I just admitted to giving dogs handies. That is all kinds of gross.
Anyboner, Leland is much easier to turn on than most dogs. All I really have to do is walk in the room. Sometimes I don’t even have to do that. I often get texts from him telling me that he is masturbating in the bathroom at work thinking about me. He loves to masturbate at work --I think because it’s his way of fucking his company.
You see? We are having way more sex than anyone else I know and he STILL masturbates all the time. Whenever I complain about his sex drive and tell him he needs to bring it down a notch, he always feels the need to remind me that I created the monster and that his crazy horniness is all my fault.
Maybe this weekend I will actually have to give him a reason to be horny. I think it’s about time I replace the pheromone towel with some sexy heels and give Leland a dance of his own. Don’t worry, you know I will tell you all about that next week!