Wednesday, December 1, 2010

HDH --Fluff Girl Style


If you want to know what this is about click here.


Remember a long time ago when we first started this adventure and I told you all about Leland’s random boners?

Remember how I told you he gets a ton of random boners every day?

I thought that nine months into the experiment that he would start settling down some. I thought that maybe he wouldn’t be so horny all the time. I thought that having sex would quench his thirst.

Boy was I wrong.

Though are sex life may be boring –it’s just a lot of banging it out and blow jobs –he is never bored. He wants it all the time. I don’t even have to bring out my skills as a fluff girl to get him going. It seems my previous job as a fluff girl was a waste since I don’t have to use it in my relationship.

Yes, you read that right. Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I was a fluff girl.

For those of you who don’t know what a fluff girl is, she is a girl in porn who keeps the men stimulated when they are off camera. She keeps them up so they are ready to plow whenever needed.

Ok, so maybe I wasn’t actually a fluff girl….but I sort of did the same thing…

…but for dogs.

Please don’t call PETA on me. I know the dogs liked it. I was a very good doggie fluff girl.

Are you scared yet? I know this sounds so terrible.

Let me explain. When I was in college I worked at an animal hospital. The doctors I worked with were reproduction specialists so I helped with all sorts of weird things that normal people would never admit to doing all over the internet. But very few people have ever called me normal. The weirdest thing I ever had to do was fluff dogs and then jerk them off.

(I cannot believe I am writing this right now!)

I would drench a towel in some pheromone smelling stuff, tie it around my waist so it was covering my ass, and then I would dance around for the male dog until he was “turned on.” Or as we call it in the animal world “his lipstick was out.” When he was ready to go I would give him a handie and collect the sample.

I can’t believe I just admitted to giving dogs handies. That is all kinds of gross.

Anyboner, Leland is much easier to turn on than most dogs. All I really have to do is walk in the room. Sometimes I don’t even have to do that. I often get texts from him telling me that he is masturbating in the bathroom at work thinking about me. He loves to masturbate at work --I think because it’s his way of fucking his company.

You see? We are having way more sex than anyone else I know and he STILL masturbates all the time. Whenever I complain about his sex drive and tell him he needs to bring it down a notch, he always feels the need to remind me that I created the monster and that his crazy horniness is all my fault.

Maybe this weekend I will actually have to give him a reason to be horny. I think it’s about time I replace the pheromone towel with some sexy heels and give Leland a dance of his own. Don’t worry, you know I will tell you all about that next week!







34 comments:

JP said...

Screw telling us... WE WANT PICTURES!

Leland Sage said...

A dance of my own? That would be amazing! I've been inquiring about that for a few years now! I provide dances for you at least once a week...

MiMi said...

Hahahahahaha!! JP!!
Okay. I got nothing. I love it. It actually made me speechless. Which is impossible almost.
Bravo!

Coffeypot said...

(ssiiigghhh) Leland and the dogs are so lucky. If you ever branch out, I could use some fluffing, too.

Dollface said...

omg. no words for this post!

LC said...

OHMYGOD.. uncontrollably laughing at my desk right now. Dog fluffing is seriously one of the most hilarious things I've ever heard. God, I love your blog. HAHAHAHA!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Fluff girl for dogs...really puts my boring teen job at Wendy's to shame LOL

jv726 said...

best.blog.ever. That seriously made me laugh out loud, at work, in my cube.
Thanks! :)

Travel Nurse Extraordinaire said...

Confessions of a dog fluffer! Lol. That's some serious sexual chemistry you two have!

foxy said...

OH MAH GAWD. I can't believe you were a fluff girl for DOGS. That is hysterical!! And i would expect nothing less. ;)

Intense Guy said...

Damn.. even some dogs get more then I do... or perhaps I should say did...

You have a most unusual resume. :)

"Doggie Fluffer"... did they ever ask at interviews?

Copyboy said...

WAIT!!! hold the phone!!! You were a fluff girl? Wow!!!

The Random Blogette said...

I wish my hubs was horny more often. It's been a while since we've had sex and I am getting annoyed. I am just about always ready for it, with the exception of a few times during the month. Maybe I need to step it up a bit.

And wow...dog fluffer. Now that is an interesting job! <3

Elle said...

Oh, wow! You put all of my bad teenage/early twenties jobs to shame. I realized I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I didn't even know "dog fluffer" was a real job.

I am amazed at the commitment you and Leland have to this project. Life just seems to get in the way with hubs and I, and we're lucky at this point if we get it in once a month. We totally suck (and not in a good way) in the marital relations department! LOL Thankfully we both seem to be okay with it at this point, but it can't go on like this forever.

Amy said...

Your blog is NEVER dull!! Love all the TMI...keeps it interesting;)

Sandra said...

Banging it out and blowjobs!...bwahahaha! That line right there will be forever in my vocabulary!

Learn, Laugh, Cook said...

Just when I think you can't surprise me, I read this! LOL!

That is all kinds of funny and freaky at the same time. But kind of cool too. You're doing it in the name of science after all! :) Dogs need lovin' too. My poor dog has never had a fluff girl or any kind of fun, poor fella!

-Mandy

Shell said...

That is HILARIOUS!!!!

Sara said...

I want to do a study on you two, because I find you absolutely fascinating and the dog thing just increased my admiration.

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

Wow, I. Wow. I just have nothing to say. I thought I was pushing the envelope this week by writing about my giant booger. I realize now that I don't even have an envelope.

My parent's dog always has a boner.

That's just a random thing I figured I should include.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

Best. Reveal. Ever. Seriously? Why did you wait so long to tell us this??

Cool Gal said...

Dang, girl, you're getting it way more than me. My mister must read this post!

Never heard of a "fluff girl," nor did I know there were people out there who give dogs "hand jobs." Hilarious!

Love the comment about Leland masturbating at work...still laughing out loud!

"Banging it out and blow jobs," lord, you have a way with words!

Love it!

Kim said...

I am dying! DYING! You were not a dog boner rubber out-ter! NO! lol. That is so hilarious! SOOOO HILARIOUS! I didn't even realize that was even a job! I hope you got paid well!! Lucky Leland scored a pro!! What did you tell people you did for work during that time when they asked you?!!

Cyndi said...

Anyboner...HAHAHAHAHA. You just created the most awesome word in the history of the English language.

heartinhand said...

Wow. The amount of sex you have reminds me of the first few years I was married. Strike it while it's hot, after kids it's not. LOL! (Well, it is, it's just different.)
A fluff girl. Wild. =)

Melissa B. said...

My SIL has a couple of doggies who get turned on at the slightest provocation. Bravo!

kristi said...

Really?? Dayum and I thought my job was a little crazy!

Emily said...

Wow, this is the first time I have visited your blog. What a story to come in on! I don't know what to say, other than you are NOT boring at all! I enjoyed reading!

carma said...

what other little surprises are in Yankee Girl's past - we must know!!!!!!! I love how you tackle whatever comes your way jobwise (uh, that didn't come out as I had intended).....

Missy @ My Life Ain't Always Beautiful said...

ha ha well at least he isn't sharing. Can't decided which part of the story is funnier.

Fickle Cattle said...

This post was AWESOME, mostly because it was so gross. I agree, there should be pictures! Hahahaha.

http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

I...got nothing.

*Waves to Fluffy*

lmao

RN Mama said...

I am so glad I clicked over here! My jaw hit the floor at "I was a fluff girl for porn," so when you said you did it for dogs, I was done for! I may have peed my pants a little.

I still love the fact that he jerks off at work, that is amazing in so many different ways!

philo said...

I know the feeling. I used to jack off monkeys at a Southwest Research Institute laboratory. We never fluffed them first so no foreplay.