I am sitting at work today and I can't do anything.
I can't do this today.
I am reading blogs but not commenting because I can't think about anything other than what is going on with my uterus.
I had my doctor appointment yesterday and all that really happened was that I decided I need a new doctor. After waiting for an hour to see her, she didn't even read my chart before entering because she had no idea why I peed in a cup.
And then when I told her I was 15 days late, she said nothing. So I asked for orders for a blood test and got the hell out of there.
I had the blood test this morning and I am still waiting on results. I cannot think of anything else. I think I am going to break down and be an emotional mess no matter what the blood test shows. I want a baby. I have always wanted a baby. And though this doesn't seem like the right time, I still want one. And now that I have decided what I really want, I feel like the test is going to come back negative and I am going to be so upset.
But if the test comes back positive I think I might have a minor stroke. We didn't plan for this. We aren't ready financially, we aren't really ready as a couple. I am so torn and conflicted and realize that I don't have a say in anything that is happening right now. Someone or something else will be making this decision for me.
I'm just tired of waiting. I just want to know what is going on. Until then, I can't do anything except sit at my desk, stare at my computer screen and try like hell to hold back the tears.