Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Emotional Mess

I am sitting at work today and I can't do anything.

I can't do this today.

I am reading blogs but not commenting because I can't think about anything other than what is going on with my uterus.

I had my doctor appointment yesterday and all that really happened was that I decided I need a new doctor. After waiting for an hour to see her, she didn't even read my chart before entering because she had no idea why I peed in a cup.

And then when I told her I was 15 days late, she said nothing. So I asked for orders for a blood test and got the hell out of there.

I had the blood test this morning and I am still waiting on results. I cannot think of anything else. I think I am going to break down and be an emotional mess no matter what the blood test shows. I want a baby. I have always wanted a baby. And though this doesn't seem like the right time, I still want one. And now that I have decided what I really want, I feel like the test is going to come back negative and I am going to be so upset.

But if the test comes back positive I think I might have a minor stroke. We didn't plan for this. We aren't ready financially, we aren't really ready as a couple. I am so torn and conflicted and realize that I don't have a say in anything that is happening right now. Someone or something else will be making this decision for me.

I'm just tired of waiting. I just want to know what is going on. Until then, I can't do anything except sit at my desk, stare at my computer screen and try like hell to hold back the tears.

28 comments:

MommyLovesStilettos said...

*HUGS* Hang in there sweets!! xo

heartinhand said...

If we all waited until we were financially ready, no one would ever have kids! Babies don't care if they have the latest gadget, all they want is love and fresh diapers. You can get by with the minimum, trust me.

I didn't think it was that hard to find out if you were pregnant! They should be able to tell you right away, fuckers!

Breathe in, breathe out. Keep us posted.

SwizzlestickMama said...

You should call me, honey. Stink is fast asleep (I know, that never happens!).

I don't know a single person who was financially ready. You'd be surprised what can happen when you HAVE to make it happen-- things kinda just work out.

Plus, you have a fabulous older sister 5 minutes away to give you a hand!

Gucci Mama said...

Breathe, baby. You'll be fine. Whatever it ends up to be, you'll deal with it.

If you're pregnant, then we'll celebrate! Things will fall into place. I'm not sure there's ever a perfect time or even a right time; there's just THE time, and if this is it, you have forty long (looooooong) weeks to figure out how to make it work! And you will!

And if you're not pregnant, we'll deal with that too. It will be okay. I promise you.

Much love to you.

carma said...

what a lame ass doctor - you are smart to get a new one - whatever way it works out.

and it better work out happily!!!!!!!

Coffeypot said...

No one is ever really ready for pregnancy, but most adjust and enjoy it. The finances always work out and most relationships get stronger. Those little creatures can do wonders and don't even know it.

MiMi said...

DO NOT CRY!!! If you are pregnant it's a blessing. If you aren't, then God knows better what you need right now. Also I guess that works if you ARE too.
Anyway. Your DR sucks balls. You're right on that one! :)
You will be okay, girl, you can't wait until you are READY for a baby because I swear you NEVER will be! We were doing that too. Waiting till we were financially stable. HAHAHAHA!! Not ever gonna happen.

Adorably Distracted... said...

aww I know how you feel! It's scary. But you said it yourself. You have no control of what comes back and either way you guys will adapt to it. Just take deep breaths until you get your answer... good luck lady!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

As others have said, If you wait until you are financially ready you may never have a kid or your eggs will be dried up.
So you can check that off the list.

This dr. showed you who she is so nothing will change when you are pregnant. Do you want someone like that during those times? Get a new doc!

I hope you find out soon!

cyber((hugs))

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

The doctor is a moron and you're right to get a new one. They should have been able to tell you right away...weird.

I don't have kids, but I have heard a lot of people who have them say there's never the "right" time, so ya just gotta do it or roll with it when it happens. Just think, there are 18 year old kids out there having kids, they don't even think about whether they're ready mentally or financially...and it all works out somehow anyway. So, if they can do it, you can! :-)

jv726 said...

I know you probably don't want to hear this right now...but things will all work out. My thoughts are with you! I hope you get the call (one way or the other) soon!

Cathy said...

I want to give you a big old hug right now. Not knowing is the hardest part. Once you get your answer you will be able to move forward and make a plan. Sending happy thoughts.

The Only Girl said...

What's meant to be, will be. Hang in there.

Elle said...

Aw, hon, so sorry to hear that you're so upset and stressed over this. Your doctor is an idiot, and I think it smart that you're looking for a new one. I learned a long time ago that sometimes it's best not to spend too much time worrying about or stressing over what we can't control...we have enough on our plates as it is!

It's out of your hands now, and no matter what, you will figure out how to deal with this. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

Intense Guy said...

*hugs*

There seems so little anyone can say or do - but I think heartinhand and Coffeypot have the right idea.

I hope Leland is being supportive - its time for him to step up to the plate.

Stacie's Madness said...

get a test at the drug store...pee on the stick...

good luck and keep us posted.

Dollface said...

I hope everything turns ok doll!!! When are you supposed to find out??? xxxooo

Vodka Logic said...

What Mimi said.. whatever the results are you can at least move on from there.. not knowing is. the. worst.

Also as Mimi said most of us are never ready even when we plan our kids..

Hugs and good luck. xx

Kim said...

I hate the way you are feeling right now. How horrible of your Dr for not doing anything to calm your fears or answer any of your questions. If you are in fact pregnant then you should definitely switch Drs bc you will need someone you can trust and rely on when your hormones are all over the place. I am obviously not a Dr, but I don't understand why they couldn't just tell you at your appt at the very least whether you were pregnant or not? An ultrasound would have answered that question right away! How awful of them to make you wait on pins and needles!

And if you are pregnant, you can do this! You can have a baby. You don't have to be ready to have a baby bc really the most important thing that you can do for your child is love them and put them first and you can definitely handle that.

I'll be waiting anxiously with you to hear what the results are! :)

Snuggle Wasteland said...

Hang in there! Nobody is ever ready to have a baby but we all adjust fine. If you're pregnant you'll be ok and if you're not you'll be ok, too.

Sending you virtual hugs and prayers tonight.
xoxo

blueviolet said...

It's going to be ok and it will all fall into place as you find out the results. Sometimes it takes things like this to get things all sorted out again. Big hugs!

Cristy said...

Think of it this way...no matter what happens, that's what was meant to be. If it's negative, then you like said, you guys weren't planning on this and weren't ready for so many reasons. However, now you know what you TRULY want and you guys CAN start trying! That being said, if you ARE pregnant, look at the sentence above...it would be a good thing! Now you know what your heart desires. With babies, it's a heart game, not a mind game.

Samantha said...

I really wish you the best, and I hope you hear the results soon. I know whatever you find out is going to be overwhelming at first, but I think everything will work out in time. My husband and I keep holding out for our first child because we keep saying we're not financially ready, but I agree with what others have said - is anyone ever REALLY ready!?

LC said...

Isn't it funny when the last thing you wanted all of a sudden becomes [almost] exactly what you want? Great big internet hug to you and I really do hope that everything works out exactly how it's meant too. Waiting in limbo is the worst.

I'm Jane said...

Waiting sucks. Sometimes having the decision made for you, so to speak, is a blessing. I'll be thinking about you!

Cool Gal said...

Sending positive thoughts your way. I know exactly how you feel (Got a new doctor I LOVED. She actually listened!). I had all kinds of problems, but it happened when it was suppose to happen. It will for you, too. Hopefully now, but if not, certainly later.

Chin up, my friend.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I've been wondering about you! Waiting is soooooooo hard! I sure hope you find out today! Don't keep us in suspense! Whatever the result is, you'll need support and friends to help you through it. No matter if it's positive or negative, you're loved by Leland and your family and even your virtual friends! You're NOT alone so you've already got an advantage that other people don't out there! You will be okay! And in the end, you're going to have a beautiful family -- whether it's now or later in life! Just beautiful! BIG HUGS TO YOU!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

It's impossible for us to pick the right time. It's tough to keep that in mind when you're in the midst of all of this. Hope you're feeling better now that things are resolved, this time anyway.