For most of the summer, Leland has had a squirrel head hanging from the basketball hoop in our backyard. Though most of you already know, I’ll say it one more time just for shits and giggles: Leland loves dead things.
Last winter he found a dead squirrel in our yard. It was a completely intact dead squirrel until Leland got his hands on it. He just needed to add another skull to his collection, so he cut off the squirrel’s head with his pocket knife, sealed the head in a plastic container, and then put the container in our freezer. He wanted to preserve the head until summer came so the flies and maggots could speed up the decomposition process.
Yes, every time I opened my freezer to get some meat or veggies, I had to look at the squirrel head.
When summer came, Leland took the head out of the freezer and hung it in an old bird feeder to feed to the flies. Every day Leland would check out the decomposition progress. But it wasn’t enough for him to be the only one checking out the progress, he constantly needed me to be looking at it too. He was pumped when the eyeballs went missing and needed to show me the empty eye sockets. Often times he would just say “there are a ton of flies on the squirrel head, you need to come see them.”
Needless to say, it was a long process and one that I didn’t particularly enjoy. Though it was slow going, the squirrel head is now just a skull.
Now Leland will be taking it out of the bird feeder and moving it into the house. His collection of dead things is getting to be too big for the small shelf he keeps it on now. I fear that one day he will have an entire display case of dead things and skulls that he will keep in our dining room. We will be the people who have skulls on display in the DINING ROOM. Because who wouldn’t want to eat with skulls staring at them? We will be that couple. You know, the couple you always whisper about for being so damn weird and you wonder why they just can’t be normal.
Oh well, it was bound to happen some day.
I’ll start clearing off the bookcase in the dining room soon.