Wednesday, September 29, 2010

No Bones About It

For most of the summer, Leland has had a squirrel head hanging from the basketball hoop in our backyard. Though most of you already know, I’ll say it one more time just for shits and giggles: Leland loves dead things.

Last winter he found a dead squirrel in our yard. It was a completely intact dead squirrel until Leland got his hands on it. He just needed to add another skull to his collection, so he cut off the squirrel’s head with his pocket knife, sealed the head in a plastic container, and then put the container in our freezer. He wanted to preserve the head until summer came so the flies and maggots could speed up the decomposition process.

Yes, every time I opened my freezer to get some meat or veggies, I had to look at the squirrel head.

When summer came, Leland took the head out of the freezer and hung it in an old bird feeder to feed to the flies. Every day Leland would check out the decomposition progress. But it wasn’t enough for him to be the only one checking out the progress, he constantly needed me to be looking at it too. He was pumped when the eyeballs went missing and needed to show me the empty eye sockets. Often times he would just say “there are a ton of flies on the squirrel head, you need to come see them.”

Needless to say, it was a long process and one that I didn’t particularly enjoy. Though it was slow going, the squirrel head is now just a skull.

Now Leland will be taking it out of the bird feeder and moving it into the house. His collection of dead things is getting to be too big for the small shelf he keeps it on now. I fear that one day he will have an entire display case of dead things and skulls that he will keep in our dining room. We will be the people who have skulls on display in the DINING ROOM. Because who wouldn’t want to eat with skulls staring at them? We will be that couple. You know, the couple you always whisper about for being so damn weird and you wonder why they just can’t be normal.

Oh well, it was bound to happen some day.

I’ll start clearing off the bookcase in the dining room soon.

27 comments:

MiMi said...

This is where you need a man cave. They could be in there.
Might I suggest a storage shed? At least the garage?

foxy said...

I am definitely with MiMi on the man-cave thing. Or an office? I let my hubs put up whatever the hell he wants to in the office. Have at it!

The Blue Zoo said...

Oh my gosh! Thats just SO gross! LOL

MommyLovesStilettos said...

ha! this is why we have a mancave - the basement! :)

Snuggle Wasteland said...

I'm thirding the Man Cave suggestion. How about the basement?

On a positive note, when you and Leland have kids your little boys are going to think their dad is the COOLEST!

Salt said...

I'm right on board with the man cave idea. My husband has his own area of the apartment away from everything else. The living room/dining room wall is not a good place to hang replica Star Wars lightsabers.

Intense Guy said...

LOL!

:) I am always entertained when I read your blog.

I think the dining room should be fine... if there is room with the Harley in there...

Coffeypot said...

Maybe he needs to go to work at one of the body farms ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_farm )where they work with donated bodies. Some are tied to a tree, some on the ground and the rate of decomp, life cycle of insects, etc are stufied. He would be as happy as a pig in shit.

carma said...

You are waaaaaaaaaaay to easygoing with Leland (please tell him I said so ;-) ). A squirrel head in the freezer??? I'd have to decline on that one. Although it would make a good deterrent for me not to eat those frozen waffles every day....

blueviolet said...

At least they're dry and not preserved in jars of weird liquids?

strugglingwriter said...

"Leland has had a squirrel head hanging from the basketball hoop in our backyard."

This makes me not feel so bad about the Donkey Kong Junior arcade machine I just recently moved into my dining room.

Paul

Taylor-Made Wife said...

does he boil them first to make the skull nice and white?

McVal said...

LOL! I feel for you. REALLY I do... My husband had a piranha fish living on his office desk until it died of consumption. (ate too many gold fish in one day...)
He stuck it in a baggie in our freezer and said he was going to have it mounted like a deer head and hang it on his office wall...
Our freezer died a few years later, and yes, we had forgotten all about it until then. It had thawed out and we couldn't afford a taxidermist at the time, so we had to throw Chubby out. *darn* (massive sarcasm...)

Christiejolu said...

You are much nicer than I would be...LOL!

Vodka Logic said...

ok you better post on a regular basis or I am going to worry about you..

And that show Horders comes to mind.

RN Mama said...

I don't know what to say about this. I quickly clicked over hoping for a Hump-Day Hangover post, and I get dead animals?!

If it makes you feel any better, when you're in a car with my Dad he feels the need to point out every single dead animal he sees. It's awesome.

Gucci Mama said...

Yikes.
;)

WhiteSockGirl aka The Fabulous Bitch said...

'Squirrel head in the freezer, honey? Ok, then that is what you will have for dinner tonight, our protein stash is low anyway! Let me just google a fab recipe.'

That is how that conversation would have gone in my house!


Ps. We are cool, I forgive you, you forgive me,.. one happy bitchy blogging fam,..!!!

Just Plain Tired said...

Well, everyone needs a hobby. I gotta admit this one is unique though. ;)

heartinhand said...

I also recommend a Man Cave! If it weren't for the basement, I'd have Edmonton Oilers hockey memorabilia all over this house. Ugh. Men.

Jennee said...

Ehh, I would not deal with a dead head in my freezer or hanging from the basketball hoop!

Sara said...

First of all, let me just say that I'll try almost anything as far as eating something.

However, I don't think I could function knowing that a dead animal's head was taunting me with it's eye sockets and lack of aliveness.

I feel like I would've started smelling it in my sleep.

And then I would've named it.

Ferdinand. Ferdy, for short.

Ed said...

Dead stuff says "I am man, hear me snore".

Adrienne said...

This story brought me so much laughter sorry you had to hang out with a squirrel head all summer

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

Hmm. That's definitely cause for a hushed conversation among dinner guests. At least you'll always have this post to explain things. Perhaps print it for a hand out when people come over?

Kim said...

You are not really going to put that in your dining room! lol. It would have driven me crazy to see a squirrel head everytime I opened my freezer! I'm such a horrible wife that I make Brad keep his stuffed heads in our garage bc I just can't handle looking at them in the house!

Krista said...

LOL! I love how you are so matter-of-fact about it. It wouldn't bother me, well maybe except for the daily grossness while it is being dealt with. ;o)