In A Letter to my In-laws, I told you about the relationship, or lack there of, that Leland and I have with his parents. Last night, he called his mom.
It was a pretty uneventful conversation. Instead of dealing with any of the issues that are between them, they more or less just caught up with each other. When Leland told her he has been talking to his brother, she said, "Well I don't know why you're doing that, he's brainwashed." Really? And how do you know this? You haven't talked to him in 20 years. It seems to me that you don't know him at all so how in the name of goddess can you have an opinion on him? You may be feeling threatened, thinking that Leland's brother is trash talking you. But that hasn't been the case. Though they do talk about you, all The Brother says is that Leland should do what he wants and what he is comfortable with. And really, if he has been trash talking you, would he be so wrong? You have given Leland enough reasons not to like you or want to talk to you, don't worry that The Brother is making things worse. I don't think that's possible.
Wouldn't any normal person want her sons to reconnect? Leland's reconnection with his brother has been one of the most positive things that has happened to him. It's hard for me to imagine that Leland's mom can't be happy that her sons get along, talk on the phone and love each other.
Not surprisingly, she never asked about me. She never asked Leland how his wife is doing. He wasn't surprised either. Though the conversation was civil, and his mom said "I love you," and "I miss you," naturally this was just a baby step. The next phone call will have to start dealing with the problems. Just knowing that his mom loves him and misses him doesn't solve any of the problems. Nothing has been worked out. Leland was worried about making this phone call and it wasn't even the hard one to make. The next phone call, or phone calls are going to be the difficult ones. He'll have to talk about his dad, the way they have been treating him, the way they have treated me. I am sure there will be yelling, I am sure there will be crying and I am sure that when it's all over, I will like them even less than I do now. Though I am trying to keep an open mind. Trying.
13 comments:
Parents are rough to begin with, then throw in in-laws and jeez. I think the best thing to do is just be supportive and let everything take its natural course. xxxooo
wow....just remember, everything she says or doesn't say reveals more about her than any of you. This is what I remind myself whenever someone is being rude or worse...people act from their own issues and it's not a reflection of others.
You and Leland are such strong people. I cannot imagine going though something like that. You're a really good wife and person for putting up with his family the way you do!
You and Leland are such strong people. I cannot imagine going though something like that. You're a really good wife and person for putting up with his family the way you do!
At Leland knows he has done what he can. If his parents don't see it, it is their loss... and too bad for them.
xx
As I was reading this - I was strongly reminded of something that took place a long time ago at my Dad's foundry while I was working there as manager-in-training.
His executive secretary (chief righthand person) had gotten pregnant and was thrilled about having her first child on the way but...there is always a but...my Dad had made many irritating comments repeatedly over the years about why hiring women in the workplace was a bad idea...so the secretary after "swearing me to secrecy" only told me and not him.
So instead of giving him time to prepare, find, and train a replacement - he wasn't told until it became "apparent" (which wasn't until really late).
When my dad learned about it, he was overjoyed and very happy for her and not the least bit put out.
Just goes to show you - you might think you know someone really well - but life is full of surprises.
I only say all this - because I'm hoping you and Leland have "misread" his parents and built up this mental image of them that might be a little skewed or out-of-kilter.
I can hope that - anyway. :)
How...
how...
are you as awesome as you are?
I'm just amazed. At all of this really...
but especially at how much grace and support you are bringing to a mine field.
Do it... you know what I'm talking about ;)
xo
It's tough being in that position...of course you're going to want the best for your husband and that's going to make you sometimes feel things you don't want to feel for ANYONE who would hurt him, even family members of his. Sounds like a whole lot of drama. I'm sorry you're both having to go through this.
I hate that for both of you!!!! It's good that you have other people in your lives that love you!
Harsh. I don't get it when family isn't happy about being reconnected. My husband recently started talking to his sister again and their Grandma is furious! I was shocked. As someone who is connected to both members of the family shouldn't that be a happy day? At least your husband is willing to step up and be the better person when it comes to dealing with his Mom. That takes a lot of character! And good for you for supporting him along the way. This won't necessarily be a good thing for you to have her reinvolved in your life, but you've set aside YOUR feeling and put your husband's first. Something his mother should be doing.
I came by via One Sassy Girl and am glad I did.
Your posts are so honest and I can't believe your MIL is such a douche.
I hope your husband peace with his relationship with his mom, whatever it becomes.
I'm sorry, are you sure we aren't really the same person split in to two bodies? because this is a conversation that would take place in my house too. I never talk to my in-laws, not ever. I don't think they even know anything about me really... and don't particularly care to either.
I second what all the other posters here have said, namely that you and Leland are really amazing people and have a strong partnership and a good thing going here. I know it's hard when these relationships are not clear-cut and, well---quite frankly, kinda stupid... and I wish you both lots of goodness and peace.
And now that I'm done with my hippie peace and love business, it's their loss, you rock and are amazing... I can't imagine them not wanting to get to know you as a friend and daughter... I feel lucky to have met you (you know, like the cosmic sort of met) and they are knaves not to feel the same way.
Hugs to you and Leland...
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