Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Medical Advice From Leland

A few weeks ago Leland woke up with a nasty rash type thing on his chest. It was red and itchy and just popped up while he was sleeping. The day the rash arrived was also the day that Leland and I were heading out of town to do some hiking and swimming at Devil’s Lake in Wisconsin. Naturally we weren’t going to let a little rash get in the way of the trip. We packed a first-aid kit of random creams and we were on our way.

Leland used an anti-bac cream first. When it wasn’t really helping the itching, I suggested he use the cream that I used for my yeast infection. You see, yeast is a bacteria and I figured that if the rash was caused by some sort of bacteria then the yeast infection cream might be able to help. He alternated between the yeast cream and the anti-bac cream all day, neither of them really helping him at all.

While we were swimming in the lake we were discussing other options. (Yes, I know that water is not good for rashes, but like I said, we weren't going to let the rash ruin our good time). Leland hates seeing doctors, so he wanted to try and treat the rash by himself for 48 hours. But we had to face facts, the creams we brought weren’t working and he needed some relief. So I did what any wife would do.

I peed on him.

Yes, you read that right, I peed on my husband.

Leland once read that Madonna pees on her feet every once in a while to help fight infection and bacteria. Since he read that article years ago, he has been peeing on his feet about once a week. A year ago a friend came to him with a small problem. The friend had a weird rash thingy on his feet and he wanted Leland’s expert medical advice. (Really, skip googling your ailment and just come to Leland. He can totally help you out). Leland told him to pee on it. So his crazy friend obeyed and his rash was gone two days later. Now this friend pees on his feet once a week as well. It seems Leland is converting people.

So naturally Leland would think urine is the answer to the strange rash on his chest. The problem was that he couldn’t pee on it himself. He needed me to do it for him.

As we were swimming in the lake and having a great time people watching, we were considering how we were going to do it. The idea of squatting over him just wasn’t all that appealing. And ladies, we all know that we usually don’t pee in one nice stream, so I was concerned about pee going in his eyes, up his nose or in his mouth. Squatting wasn’t going to cut it. We eventually decided that I would pee in a cup and then pour it over the rash. So that’s what we did.

It wasn’t until much later that night that I realized I didn’t need to be involved at all. Why did I pee in a cup when he could have peed in a cup himself? And did I really need to pour the pee on him in the shower? It seems to me that he could have done it himself. But I did think it was a good idea in the first place, so obviously I wasn’t thinking clearly at all.


p.s. The urine didn’t help. It turns out the strange rash was shingles. It’s a good thing he only waited 48 hours before going to the doctor. And yes, Leland told the doctor everything he put on the outbreak.

26 comments:

Intense Guy said...

LMAO!

Oh my, I got to wipe the laugh tears out of my eyes... sorry, not laughing at you - laughing at your zaniness and excellent writing. I was thinking, Leland could of just peed in a cup, why is she.. when I read on... I think Leland just wanted to experience something new.

So.. shingles? Oh man... a little pee aint gonna do much for a virus like that 'cept maybe burn like hell.

I would have paid to see Leland's doctor's reaction when he listed "my wife peed on me" as one of the prior treatments....

Cristy said...

HILARIOUS story!! Tell Leland shingles aren't the same thing as when a jelly fish stings you!

Hope these shingles don't slow down your 700 challenge!

carma said...

the shingles!!!! that sucks. I hope he is doing OK. You have both been through a lot healthwise lately. This may interfere with "the plan" even more than some of the other ailments-- then again, what am I saying, this is Leland we are talking about!!!!

heartinhand said...

Shingles are supposed to be super painful! Poor Leland!

Maybe Leland could make t-shirts up and sell them with the logo "Just piss on it!"

Stacie's Madness said...

hmmm glad I am eating lunch while reading your blog today....not

Sara said...

Is it weird that I don't find this that weird?

I mean, I saw this on a Friends episode regarding jelly fish stings, so this made perfect sense to me.

I do like that you two are that comfortable with each other.

I can only hope your doctor is a good sport and enjoyed being regaled with all your different home remedies.

Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

You guys are nuts. Thank you for coming into my bloggy life.

I'm gonna be singing Dave Chappelle as R Kelly alllll day.

Shingles are OW and I'm dyyyyying that he told the DR I'm dyyyyying. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

Christiejolu said...

I am crying from laughing so hard...

But I am glad he got it checked out...Shingles is no laughing matter...

The Random Blogette said...

O.M.G! That was the best post, except the whole thing about Leland having shingles. That sucks! I did hear that peeing on your feet will help if you get fungal infections on your feet. I used to be a dancer and I always got athlete's foot...and yes I would pee on my feet in the shower and it helped! I hope that Leland is on his way to a speedy recovery!!

Samantha said...

Oh gosh, this was too funny! But I really do hope he feels better soon!

Tracy said...

Morgan has peed on two of her friends - jellyfish stings - best thing for them!

blueviolet said...

At least you tried! That's a marriage partnership right there!

Coffeypot said...

Puts a whole new meaning to the term, "Ah, piss on him." Now tell him gargling pee is good for a soar throat. Then run.

Coffeypot said...

Puts a whole new meaning to the term, "Ah, piss on him." Now tell him gargling pee is good for a soar throat. Then run.

Tracie said...

O.M.G.

I'll bet my brother's hippie chiropractor could have cured him.

I hope he's doing ok. I here shingles are very painful.

MiMi said...

Oh no! I mean, yeah, pissin' on your hubs is funny, but shingles can be horrible!!!
I hope it goes away soon. Or did. Or whatever...?
Anyway, so is this why my feet never have infections...cuz I pee on em in the shower every day?

kristi said...

OMG you guys are crazy!! I have had shingles and they are painful!

Vodka Logic said...

You two totally crack me up..if there was ever a "in sickness and in health" pact it is you two. [didn't occur to me either he could pee in a cup and easier too]

Good luck with the shingles... I have had them and they are NASTY

PS.. I'm still not going to pee on my feet. :)

The Blue Zoo said...

LMAo that is freakin hilarious!!! I bet the Dr is still giggling!

RN Mama said...

OMG, I was laughing my ass off thinking about you trying to pee on him! Good to know you just ended up peeing in a cup!

By the way, I had shingles 2 years ago and it was super painful! Mine was on my face though and I still have to take meds because now I have postherpetic neuralgia.

aladdinsane12 said...

oh my god, only you two would do that! the doctor must have been cracking up inside (or outwardly?) the only thing that i would ever pee on is a jellyfish sting, and, as i never go in the water, i can't see that happening.

The Only Girl said...

I have a bad visual going on right now! And am wondering if Leland's "magic liquid" might help my son's current ear infection. Please check with him and respond asap.

AudioMachina said...

WHAT?! Lee never mentioned anything about this! haha

Mrsblogalot said...

LOL! Now that is true love. I had heard this many years ago also. Funny how some things stay with you. I don't think there is a chance in Hell that I will ever forget it now (-:

Amy said...

OMG! You guys need a punch card for doctors with all these ailments! This is crazy!

Poor Leland...I've heard shingles are painful...hope he's better soon:(

Kim said...

I am so glad to be home and have internet again, just to read this! This is absolutely hilarious! I am DYING! I love that he considers pee a cure to skin issues! HILARIOUS! And shingles?! Well that just sounds horrible! I hope that you don't get it! Did you go with him to the Dr? I would have refused to go and admit that we poured my pee on him! lol.